A 3 year long journey of hardship to reach greatness (part 2: the first tries)

So we left off at the official start of my NoFap journey somewhere in mid January 2017. I was excited and was expecting greatness. And I got results really fast! I thought that this would better my life in every way possible. And for a while, it really did, but I also made a classical mistake that had set me up for many, many relapses. This part of the story will focus on the period where I fell into the trap of thinking I was special, and that I could tackle a heavy addiction like it was nothing, with little or no help from anyone. I was naive, but I had to be to learn my lesson


The first streak
Somewhere near the end of January, 2017
I was on a year off from school to get some money and to think better about what major I wanted to do. So I worked a lot that year. I remember doing this awesome temporary job where I had to assist the police in testing their new motorbikes on a test range near Lelystad. I was standing on the track and helping all the officers do their thing and to keep stats about the bikes and the performances. Every single time a bike went pas my checkpoint I talked to the guy a bit and wrote down some stuff. And every time I was alone, so no bike coming past me, I would scourge the internet for NoFap articles and information. I was reading yourbrainonporn.com like a maniac. I was on day 1. I needed to know everything. Mostly, I was reading the glorious success stories from the heroes that already destroyed the PMO demons. I was so excited. I was going to be one of those legends soon. Or so I thought...

The first week was amazing. I had new felt energy and I felt things were changing. I was having more confidence and power. If this is only week 1, what will happen in the second week I thought. That must be amazing. Well... no, week 2 was my first real test. I didn't yet fully understand at that time that your mind will do ANYTHING to seduce you back into your addictions. So week 2 started and I remember started to feeling unsure. Will NoFap really work? Am I not just deluding myself? Somehow, all this confidence and trust in NoFap was being put to the test. I did not relapse yet.

But then my mind played a nasty trick on me that cost me half a year of relapses.

MY PENIS IS BROKEN
February 6th, 2017
Now, it is 3 years and 5 months ago (to the day), that I come to an absurd realization of something that was always there and never did me harm: I had a very pronounced curve in my penis. A good whopping 45 degrees to the left. I do not consider this to be NSFW, I was a nurse, not a lot of NSFW for me anymore. Despite me having had this curve for as long as I remember, I was all of a sudden panicking about it. I thought it was broken and could get worse or something and that I could never have normal sex again (even though I just had a month prior...). I relapsed out of this fear, and it would be this fear that would hold me in it's grasp for the coming months. I did not realize it at the time, but this strategy, the strategy of inducing fear, is one of the earliest and strongest cons played by the PMO demons, and boy... does it work like a charm. For months I could not get past 3 days of NoFap because after the second day I would start feeling better, but then my daunting fear of having a broken penis would come up in my head. This disease of thoughts brought me to many urologists who told me I was fine, but I couldn't listen. All I had was fear and doubt. It was a this time I first heard I was a hypochondriac. That means having an irrational fear of diseases without showing direct symptoms of that said disease, but still thinking you are a real candidate for that disease. I thought I had Peyronie's Disease. For so long I thought I really had, until, after around 4 months I still had no symptoms, and I realized I was being played by my PMO demons that kept me back.

Lesson 1
Addicts rarely quit successfully in their first try. That is because our brains LOVE habits and regulations. So when you try to break a habit, your brain and body will protest. They sense danger and do not want to tread there. So be wary of thoughts and feelings that are not native to yourself. Whenever you find yourself thinking strange shit during NoFap, that is your brain trying to seduce you back to PMO. And trust me, like you read above, the addictions do not care if it's strategy could do more mental harm than the addiction itself, it will do anything to keep you from breaking the habit. So stay true to yourself, and use a reminder to know why you started NoFap. In a later streak, I even cut my arm at the start of the streak to have a real and impactful reminder of why I started NoFap. Now I do not recommend this, or I will get banned lol, but I recommend using a strong reminder of why you started NoFap to call upon whenever you feel relapsy. I don't know if there are NoFap wristbands, but those would be very useful. Whenever you feel like relapsing, just look at the NoFap wristband, and remember why you started this challenge.

A new era of possibilities
14th of July 2017
The past months were just a waste. No progress was made. But a couple of days ago I had my realization that my penis was not broken, just retarded in it's own way from my birth, and I accepted that. Girls never seemed to care or even remark it so what harm did it really do... So right at this time I moved to a new city for the first time in my life. I moved from my small hometown in the province of Flevoland to the 'big' city of Utrecht in the center of the Netherlands. I was going to study there and try to build a new life. A better life. I also moved to that city because 2/3 of the population between the ages of 20-25 are female. Can you imagine that? The city was crazy. There were so much young females there, and barely enough young men. It sounded like a paradise. Too bad I sucked hard with women. I guess I was looking for NoFap to make a dating god out of me. It was this summer though where I did get my first streak to pass 45 days **happy noises**. It was amazing. I reaped many benefits, and I started talking to girls again and everything worked man. Girls were flocking to my like I was drooled in honey and they were addicted to honey. This NoFap shit was working like a charm. But then one day the excitement and energy was spiraling out of control, to the point were a thought of relapse became too powerful and I relapsed. Thank God I was just 2 days away from going to visit my family in Poland, so I could let the girls rest for 2 weeks...

Lesson 2
NoFap will give you new feelings. It will unlock hidden powers and energy you thought you never had. This is amazing, but it is also a trick the PMO demons can use. They can use this energy against you. When you feel high-energy all the time, you will start feeling like you need a release for this energy. The high maintenance of it can become stressful, and if you are constantly thinking about NoFap to get girls, the thought of releasing that energy through PMO, will start creeping up real hard. You will NEED venting ports to redirect these thoughts and energy. You need a way to circumvent this trick by picking up new hobbies, new things to do and learn to keep that energy in check so the PMO demons can't use it against you. Keep your mind occupied and busy. Do not let it wander and become idle, or that moment your PMO demons will use your good feelings and state against you and even say that PMO is fun and good now.


So this was part 2, the early days of my NoFap journey with my first struggles and realizations. Please let me know whether you enjoy the big lessons I derived from the above phases. Do they interrupt the story or add to it? Let me know.

Part 3 will come soon. It will focus on my time in Utrecht and I will go into detail about my first real long streak of 84 days that had the most idiotic and ironic ending I could have imagined. It taught me a lesson that I hold dear to this day

Aeterna Victrix

 

Thank you for the kind words. It is a big lesson yeah. You need to fill the void of not fapping with productive things or you will fall into relapse or stagnation really fast and basically stand still.

My name is Daxos by the way . Aeterna Victrix means eternal victory in ancient Latin haha

 

Thank you for sharing that with us! Such dramatic reminder really do work yes. Mantra's or a personal code really work wonders as well.
36 days is still pretty good. Keep that up. It really is possible to go a very long time without PMO. Some people make NoFap their lifestyle. I am happy that my post has helped you. I might do a different post on my habits. That is too long to post here in a comment

 

Small update
I was called upon for an emergency task within my army unit. I won't be able to write part 3 for several days I presume