Hi, 26y.o trans woman here

Hi everyone,
I'm 26 years old transgender woman and here's why I have decided to join NoFap community:

1. I started my porn/fetish addiction when I was 12, I was little boy in a family without father with no privacy (no personal room or safe space) and school where I was constantly bullied, called fag/sissy and beaten up (cause my body was slim, weak and I was very calm and didn't play with boys). Porn and taboos/fetishes together with masturbation became my Escape from reality and the most intense pleasure in life.

2. By 20 I had failed my first relationships, had more stress in life, joined a strict religious organisation that I hoped would help me "cure" my porn/fetish addiction.. But eventually I started crossdressing.

3. By the age of 23 after being brainwashed and conditioned by hours of Sissification/Bimbofication hypno videos, sissy threads, fap roulettes, constant crossdressing accompanied with masturbation etc.. I gave up and become gender confused. This time for real. So I thought I'm a transgender woman and started HRT.
Soon after, I lost my job, almost all of my friends, done things that put my safety and life at risk, lost beloved woman with whom we've been together for 5 years and I wanted to build a family and loved her with all of my heart.

Now I'm 26. I have moved to different country (other side of the Earth), I'm still a transgender woman and I really want to cure myself from this addiction... After transitioning it became easier to hold my urges, but I still do crazy things life - peeing my dress/stocking while on the public balcony, stealing someones panties to masturbating to them etc. I'm sick of myself...
But here's what..I went through severe depression and now I'm out of it and (!) because I was working hard on my mental condition and now:
- I have a real full time job (first time in 6 years)
- I don't hate myself that much
- I met a woman who I really like and falling in love with her, feeling myself empowered like many many many years ago.

But I'm afraid to lose all of that because of my sick fetishes.
So I decided.

I'm starting my reboot and this is day 0.
I don't know where will it lead, if I detransition or no.. But I'm brave enough to do it no matter the outcomes.

 

Thank you all for support guys!
I started cleaning all my devices from adult content and it was soooooooo much stuff I couldn't hold myself up and masturbated (to be fair I spent like 3 hours deleting stuff from everywhere)
So it's relapse. And day 0, I want to believe I still have hope...

 

Thank you so much for such kind and warm words, I really am thankful for the support you give.

 

Thank you for your comment.
Indeed I do respect different opinions from different people.
Though I don’t consider such opinions as being valuable due to the lack of scientific basis.
I haven’t transitioned to be a woman only because of “fetishes”, I had severe form of Gender Dysphoria and this decision is based on the official guidelines from World Health Organization, as well as per my birth certificate and passport - I’m a female.
I do understand however that there is a difference between me and cis women. Though the idea that ability to have children makes someone a woman is utterly confusing. There are women out there who cannot have children, to me it sounds like a sexism.
And also after medical transition a trans woman, from medical viewpoint cannot be purely considered to be neither male or female.
Though legal documents and my identity is female and mostly I date regular straight men.

But I must add. It also it feels disturbing to read such opinions in the place that suppose to be safe. I came here to become strong and overcome my addiction, but not to change my body once again and become a sexist Alpha Male lmao.

 

Thank you so much dear!
Your words means world to me hah
Yeah, I don’t hold any hard feelings towards people with different opinions about my persona. Though I would myself never afford to judge any of them about their life fulfillment, their appearance, body or medical history. I think this is all about bad manners, I never say this to others ☺️
Besides.. when some people tell me “Your Life is Fake”, I say with a smile: “Well, maybe, but I’m happy that your life is truthful as your are such a happy person, self loving and fulfilled and your life is so Real”. Usually after that peeps go silent hahahahah.