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how I failed after 300+ days

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by FutureDoctor, Jul 8, 2020.

  1. Jul 8, 2020 #1
    FutureDoctor

    FutureDoctor Fapstronaut
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    As said in the title I relapsed today after more than 300days of no PM, I just wanted to tell you a little more about because I hope it may help some of you to avoid making the same mistakes I made.
    Basically I started this streak back in september 2019 and even if I dont really know how myself I managed to do really well this time (after 1 and a half year of constent failures and relapses). I was really happy and I experienced a lot of improvements (more happy/ enthusiast to try out new things, it was fantastic), I met a girl who is now my girlfriend and I did not even think about P in the first 4months.
    But after some time, I made the mistake of thinking that I was cured, that I was now attracted to P anymore. From this point, I slowly started to loosen up my discipline and eventually ended up edging from time to time. It started with reading erotic novels, ecchi manga and looking at bikini pics but since april it became more and more like my old habits. I could edge for 1/2 hours looking at pics and I sometime touched myself n the process even if I always stopped before reaching O. About 1month ago, I realized that I had lost control once again, I was no longer looking at erotic pics but at P (even if I did not watch videos).
    I should have been honest with myself and reset my streak to start again but I clinged to the hope that I could regain control (spoiler: I did not).
    It led me to completely losing control and having a proper relapse.

    I am now resetting my streak, I download a P blocker and asked my GF to lock it with a pin. So guys, if you manage to start a good streak, if you realize that P is just garbage never make the mistake of thinking you are free from it. The truth is we are all sick, and addiction is a sickness thats really hard to cure. So if you experience an urge at day 200, treat it like you would with an urge at day 2, cause if you dont, you will fail.
    I hope we will all find our way out my friends.
     
    FutureDoctor, Jul 8, 2020
    FutureDoctor, Jul 8, 2020
    #1
    Timecop, HTorin31, Deleted Account and 5 others like this.
  2. Jul 8, 2020 #2
    IGY

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    It is a sobering lesson for sure. However, your relapse was much earlier than today. Reading erotic novels is porn. Edging is porn - the most brain destroying activity in fact. Refraining from reaching orgasm is not the criteria. Even thinking about indulging in any of the things you have mentioned should be the alarm bell requiring immediate countermeasures. I hope your support from your girlfriend and the first few months of your streak will enable you to prosper with this. :)
     
    IGY, Jul 8, 2020
    IGY, Jul 8, 2020
    #2
    Timecop, Deleted Account and FutureDoctor like this.
  3. Jul 8, 2020 #3
    UnitedWeStand

    UnitedWeStand Fapstronaut

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    I edged before 2 weeks on porn but managed to keep my hands off..Of course it didnt affect me at all as sex/ daily life have been better since then. Reset your counter, dont feel bad and keep making the next streaks longer
     
    UnitedWeStand, Jul 8, 2020
    UnitedWeStand, Jul 8, 2020
    #3
    FutureDoctor likes this.
  4. Jul 8, 2020 #4
    Roader to Freedom

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    Hey, I can feel your pain. I had over 720 days, but I felt probably too confident and had a streak of bad mood days, so I broke one of my rules. I decided to reset before I relapsed because I consciously looked at several pictures that were porn too me (we all have individual porns, so to say). I knew that the next step could lead me to watching nudity and maybe even MO. God, I'm so happy I stopped in time, and I hope that I can transform my failure into a stronger will.
    Stay strong. Keep away from your porn.
     
    Roader to Freedom, Jul 8, 2020
    Roader to Freedom, Jul 8, 2020
    #4
    HTorin31, FutureDoctor and AdvancingEachMoment like this.
  5. Jul 9, 2020 #5
    FutureDoctor

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    yup I hope so as well, I will keep doing my best !
     
    FutureDoctor, Jul 9, 2020
    FutureDoctor, Jul 9, 2020
    #5
  6. Jul 9, 2020 #6
    FutureDoctor

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    I am aiming for one perfect year this time, and I don't feel that bad about this relapse because I know that every failure is an opportunity to start again and to do better!
    I will my friend, and much respect for reaching 720 days!
     
    FutureDoctor, Jul 9, 2020
    FutureDoctor, Jul 9, 2020
    #6
  7. Jul 9, 2020 #7
    Prince6543

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    Thanks. But I don't think a relapse matter if you have made it so far.
     
    Prince6543, Jul 9, 2020
    Prince6543, Jul 9, 2020
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  8. Jul 9, 2020 #8
    TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

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    You won't ever be "cured" in that sense. If you see a pretty woman, on screen or off, you'll be turned on. Still, 1/2 an hour of porn after 300+ days without it doesn't sound bad. If you don't use this as an excuse to be an addict again I think you'll be alright.
     
    TimeToQuitNow, Jul 9, 2020
    TimeToQuitNow, Jul 9, 2020
    #8
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