Got nudes. Did i relapse?

I will send you this again cause you are bashing some other dudes. Long story short; imo you are seeking attention.

Yestereday i got 3 nude pictures from a girl (YIHA, GOOD BOY) on facebook messenger including 1 showing her chest wearing a braw (WOW, thats amazing. Good boy).
I looked at each picture for around 5 minute's (Ow, this is going wrong). I later decided to delete both the conversation and pictures. (Oh no, you're such a good boy for deleting the pictures. I really think you are awesome. You're sooo good!)
Do you see this as a relaspe (Because i dont think it's a relapse. I just wanted to get the attention i need because i cant give it to myself and etc etc.?) BTW im a few days away from a 6 month streak.

Do you see where i'm going.. that's your problem.

 

Ignorance is a bliss This is a sign of how addicted our minds are when we try to justify things like these! Even though he was not susceptible to our advices nor appreciated our opinions, I still think there's value to this thread. I use it as a learning experience in my continued journey.

 

I agree, brother. I found out I'm here for likes! >;D On a more serious note, I appreciate your maturity. The best response is no response, and ignorance is indeed bliss, isn't it? All the best in your personal journey.

 

You have no right to insult other members with pejorative labels.​

 

Hey @Mitness,

I saw this now. Thank you for your kindness, bro. But I'm not getting bashed at all. I've gleaned a lot of wisdom from this thread, though on the offset, it looks pretty useless.

I feel the urge to write. So I will.

@Youngman21,

I'll start of by saying thank you for noticing the numbers under my avatar, and taking the time to make that... compliment. I know I said that no response is the best response, but I hadn't read the thread properly, and I simply refuse to take this lying down, be it not the wisest thing to do. I truly don't care what you said to me, but let it be kept in the record that Moon Shot did not remain silent. I'm not speaking for myself solely, I'm talking about all the NoFappers you insulted with your insensitive comments. I'm sorry, it's just not me to say silent.

I guess, as you've taken the time to make a detailed comment directed at me, I ought to honour you in kind. @Mitness did say you want attention, so why hold back? @IGY was right when he said that you created this thread to have your ears tickled. You had no intention of listening to our advice, you had already decided what you had to do. The answer to my question, why you kept justifying yourself, lies in your addicted mind. You are trying to convince your mind, that what you did was okay. 6 months is great, good job.

It's pretty clear now, what your intentions were. It's also clear that you do not value the notion of respect. You do not appreciate the value and wisdom that has been conveyed to you. I cannot force feed that to you. I cannot force feed the point that days do not matter much either... You don't want to listen, and you are obsessed with a number.

Had you written just this, it would have been fine. You did create a thread. In public. Asking for an opinion. You can't be one-sided, and listen to the views of those that support you solely if you want to make an unbiased judgment. But, as I've said, had you left it that, it would have been okay.

But you go on to say:

If the intention of these lines were to perturb me, or upset me, it has crashed and burned. My apologies.

I don't want you to do anything, buddy. I truly don't care if your at Day 6 or 600. You asked for an opinion, you got it, didn't like it and are now lashing out. But your mistake was this: You automatically assumed you know me, eh? Without a shadow of a doubt, you cared to share your unsolicited opinion regarding my personal journey. Look. I am going to repeat this, regardless of whether you listen or not. Days do not matter. How you live does. You are insensitive and insular to automatically assume you know everything about a virtual stranger. Everyone has their own reasons, own pains, struggle. Everyone has their own environment, and different reboot rates. Comparing days just like that is illogical and ludicrous. You can't begin to imagine what others go through, being wrapped up in your own world. Just don't expect respect, if you don't give it. Obsessed with days...

Like I said, 6 months, good job. Did I ever deny being a 'loser,' according to your criterion?

In the end, I gave my opinion, you didn't like it. You went on to disrespect everyone, and we losers took it. Not anymore. I wish you the best in your journey.

Go, live in your illusion. The world revolves around you. Cheers.

 

I wouldn’t reset. If it was sent to you, you didn’t seak it out. Looking at it for 5 min is normal sexual behavior. So I would actually consider it a win that you dint spend an hour looking at her other pics or searching the internet for more. That would have been a reset in my mind.

But then again what are your goals? If your goal was a reboot then you went past 90 days and are probably great in my slightly uneducated opinion. But if your goal was total sexual purity as in monk mode then probably a reset is called for. For my goals I wouldn’t reset and would have considered it normal sexual behavior to look. Just don’t look and look again and again. That would be a reset for sure.

 

Thank you for your words. I'm glad you realised the mistake and quickly rectified it. That doesn't happen often.

You will be absolutely fine, I wish you the very best.

 

You know what it is, i think you disrespected nobody. This, what we want to accomplish (getting clean), will be a long, difficult and arduous journey, but it is more than worth it.

When i started working on my addiction(s) i had absolutely no idea what i was doing. I didn't think it was necessary either. I guess when you read my journal you will see it was more than necessary. I'm working on my recovery now for 3,5 years and i still am not where i want to be. I even stopped working now for 4 months to work more on my recovery because i relapsed in drugs use a couple of months ago even though i was clean for more then 1,5 year. And, because of that, i do get why you were offensive. It is not because you are a bad person, it's because addiction is such a hard one to beat.
Getting honest to yourself is the most important thing an addict has to be. Getting your moral compass straight and based what you wrote:

After i sexted that girl i woke up and didn't feel the same mentally which lasted the next few days.

I think you're maken a lot of progress..

Well, i guess addiction is just a symptom of a deeper problem. It's common for addicts to get addicted to other things when they cut the primal addiction. I guess when you get deeper into why you're addicted it's getting easier to understand.

So figure out the reasons you're getting addicted! And it’s not because you like it. There's more underneath the simple “I like it.”

Just, as i wrote, take a deep look in why you are addicted. Because every short-term solution will cause in increase in dopamine and therefore we feel good. We need that shot because we cannot deal with the feeling that we have when we don't get that shot. We cannot deal with negative emotions.. So, you need to know why you are seeking for the artificial stimulation. I see it as an onion.

The sour onion is nicely stored in the outer skin.

For the sake of convenience, we call the skin around the onion addiction.

When you remove the outer skin around the onion, you spontaneously start to cry. It is acidic. It hurts your eyes. So our natural reaction is to do something about that. Because we as humans are, evolutionarily, programmed to find quick solutions, our first reaction is to put that sheet back in place. We masquerade the acid. So we either fall back into our old addiction, or we find, unconsciously, a new addiction.

So, as I said, When you open the outer layer of the onion, it’s sour, and you will get tears.. Therefore you need to unpeel the onion.

You have to peel all the onion until you get to the core. Work on that core. Unpack the core. And when you have found the core, unravel the core as well. I've noticed that whenever you get to the core, there's still a core. I have had 6 times that I thought I was at the core, but that there was still an underlying problem. And eventually, when you finally got to the core, you stop crying because there is no onion left anymore!


In the end, I stopped everything. Instagram, facebook, sugar, caffeine, drugs and alcohol and porn. I also try to work on my obsessive urge to get compliments.

At first, I felt I had to give up everything. I thought it was terrible because I needed it. Now I gradually come to the conclusion that everything I didn't want to give up in order to live just, took my life. Live moderately, be satisfied just in time and happiness comes when you don't expect it because you were not busy with becoming happy but with life.

Based on my own experience of the past 21 years, I really believe it is a long journey. I did not get addicted just like that. It did not happen in one go. It is a long way from becoming addicted. That is why i cannot expect to be ready just like that, all of a sudden. Gradually we learn.

Every time i thought I was there, there's something new to come. (onion: underlying problem) And that's not a bad thing, that's good. Because i want to recover completely. I solemnly believe that recovery must be as important as the oxygen you breathe, the food you eat and the water you drink. You will not be addicted in 1 year. That is something that goes on for years. And probably you will reach this point a couple of times.. The point where everything seems to go fine and then you forget all the agreements that you have made with yourself…

I have experienced so many times that things were going well again (at least, I thought so) and that I forgot about my own agreements. I forgot about the agreements because it went well again... So I relapsed about 100+ times. Be careful of those moments.

Now I realize that it is the other way around. Things are going well because of those agreements!

Keep up buddy and i hope you feel proud about your progress!

 

Thanks for the apology. Everything is cool.

I know it is frustrating. A year ago, I reset my badge when I looked at models in underwear (p/sub) but didn't masturbate. I was on 243 days or 8 months. The way I look at it, the counter is just a factual number showing the last time you had a slip up, set back, reset, relapse - whatever word you use. I knew after my incident, I could not honestly allow my counter to accumulate from 8 months. I had to reset. You have come to the same conclusion and I applaud your integrity buddy.

I agree you have not returned to zero regarding your overall progress. The proof of this will be in the continuation of your NoFap challenge. The fact that you had noticeable symptoms again during the last week demonstrates that there was a consequence in your brain from the minutes you spent looking at those graphic nudes. No one is criticizing you, as a recovering addict, from being tempted in such a situation. Just regard it as another valuable lesson learnt. Take care mate.

 

What the hell? You have mainfested corona?

 

I personally never counted getting nudes / masterbation clips as a relapse, unless I used it to fap with.

Sexting has become the norm in todays dating world. If a girls willing to send nudes then its a good indication she has some sexual interest in you and that shes a first date lay.

I used this gauge to good effect when I was single, every girl I took out for drinks I got nudes off ending up leading to sex on the first date.

So I never put getting nudes off a girl I knew I was gonna meet in real life in the same category as flipping through vidoes on a porn site trying to get my PMO fix.

All depends on your reasoning though, Do you ask the girl for nudes to fap with or are you trying to escalate the relationship to a more pshysical one?

 

I agree with the doc @Dr.LoveLength
He speaks great truth.

 

Very detailed answers. Thank you.

 

Wow, some of the replies here are coming straight out of Catholic/Protestant Christian soyboys. Man, it is not a relapse. You got nudes from a real woman, 99% of guys here are not getting even a wiff at a woman's hair. Would you rather watch a woman that does not exist in the real world or only exists on your screen every time you type a website name? Christ Almighty. Don't go "woo woo" with this stuff, NoFap is heavily influenced by religious, blue pill soyboys. Congrats and keep your game up with that woman. A relapse would be to break the "oath" or promise that you made when u started this, which in almost all cases is P and M (optional O). Be real.

 

There is certainly a heavy Soy / Bluepill presense in this forum thats for sure