Romance Author Woes

And that's exactly what I would say about people who are living in sin. So... we have the exact same views. You are judging things exactly the same way I am.

I don't think there's anything else to be said about this. It's getting pretty off topic, and I don't see how anything you are saying or the way you think about things is any different than what I'm doing. You just disagree with what I have deemed harmful, but you yourself would deem some things harmful that other people disagree. There are people who deny that drugs are harmful, or that porn addiction is harmful or even exists. But you are fine with saying porn addiction is harmful. You're operating exactly as I am, but somehow thinking the way I'm operating is bad and the way you're operating is good... that makes no sense.

 

PTSD flashbacks!

It's easy to call someone a sexist, misogynist, transphobic etc etc etc these days. It takes zero brain cells to do it. It's like pulling a "no u" on the guy. Instant death.

The thing that helps me survive this kind of world is knowing that it's not my job to correct people online, I just let them be.

 

What so you mean why not? That's what I did... so... I don't understand the question.

 

Yeah, it's really just ridiculous. I'm tired of this whole culture of nobody ever being allowed to say they think something is bad. It's not like I'm going up to people reading erotica and lecturing them about it. As I mentioned previously, I have friends who write erotica, and I've written with them and talked to them about what their stories are about, and never once did I tell them it was bad. I literally just said, not directed at particular author or book, that "some romance books are trashy" is a true statement imo, and the guy who said it shouldn't be being attacked as if he's sexist and terrible for saying so.

It was such a minor statement. If someone told me they think romance books are trash, I would be a little offended, because I love romance novels and I write them, so they're calling my books trash. But if someone told me they think some romance novels are trash, I would say yeah, there probably are some trashy romance novels. Just as there are some terrible mystery novels or sci fi or fantasy.

They're just mad about the word trashy. They see it as sexist, because women are being shamed for liking erotica. But I just disagree. I think you should feel a healthy amount of shame for fueling your lust by reading about graphic sex all the time and getting turned on by it, or getting off on it.

 

Yeah, erotica isn't allowed to be called trash, but when I say that men aren't trash, I get told that I'm a bully and I have "internalized misogyny." This is the insanity of the world today, and I'm getting so freaking tired of it.

 

Here's another example of why all this is so frustrating.

I joined a group that's supposed to be for romance readers and writers. It's open to any romance, sweet or steamy. But so far pretty much everything recommended has been steamy.

Even the admins sometimes post things that are just sexual, and have nothing to even do with writing. There was a naked dude's butt on my homepage from this group, and the post had nothing to do with reading or writing. Then today, there was a post from an admin with a "fun" Saturday question, which was if your partner wakes you up at 3am with handcuffs for sex, post a gif of what your response would be.

Like what the heck?? I signed up for a reading and writing group. I didn't sign up to talk about sex and look at naked men.

It's extremely frustrating to not be able to find a middle-ground space for romance recommendations. All I find is either groups that don't allow any profanity or violence or anything even remotely PG-13 in their books, or groups that are technically open to anyone but are completely dominated by erotica, which I don't want to see.

Maybe I need to make my own group, but I just don't have time for that right now.

 

Yeah a majority of adult romance books are just going to be smut. You'll have to specific groups that cater to PG-13 if you want books with out erotic material or books where the main focus on another genre and romance is secondary. Otherwise you'll end up with what you found. On second thought you might find luck with Christian romance books, as those don't tend to be salacious (though I wouldn't be shocked if some were steamy.)

 

The problem is there is no "PG-13" in romance novels. It's either steamy or sweet. There is no accepted label for anything in between, even though everything I read and write is in between.