35 and Older Accountability Group

Thank you for this. I'm feeling very much like I'm going to fall off - my stupid, self-destructive brain actually _wants_ to!

I'll keep staggering on.

 

Boredom is the evil enemy. So easy to fall back to PM during down time. Creating a daily schedule is a great idea and a good first step!

 

I'm stuck in a relapse cycle. I used chat/pmo 10 out of the last 24 hours. I feel like total garbage. I went to chat sites from 10:30pm to 4am last night.

 

I was watching past sex videos I made with a hot chic. It's like my brain tells me it's ok because I am in the video, as opposed to watching internet porn. Reboot now!

 

That's a good one. Better not look in the mirror naked. That might count too!

 

I feel like such garbage after the weekend binge I've had. I avoided things I needed to do that would have taken maybe 2 hours and instead spent probably 20 hours Saturday through Monday with Chatrooms.

 

Being disappointing in yourself is normal and natural. I say, allow yourself to wallow for a defined, short amount of time and then pick yourself up for a fresh start. You can do it!

 

So I relapsed yesterday and part of it was looking at old videos when I had to do M in the hospital last week. That brought the memories of my favorite videos and stories back and I couldn't resist going back there again.

Today there was a particular scene with a particular girl that kept coming back in my mind again and again and I didn't know what to do about it. What I ended up doing just now was to try and find as much biographical information about this girl and as recent as possible - the scene in particular is very old, so I was trying to see how she looks now and what happened to her afterwards. I couldn't find any recent info, but I did find quite a long story of her life. This really helped me to stop being obsessed about her. Seeing that she's a person, who made that particular scene to make money, and who made a lot of life choices that I found tragic and often objectionable. That really broke the spell.

 

Took a nap cause I felt like crap a couple of days ago. Then I couldn’t sleep. Relapsed around 4am and again the next day early with a chaser.

something about day 3-4 that seems to trip me up often.

Not in the tailspin, just a stupid mistake but I’m staying on track.

 

Even though the fapping the other day wasn’t a reset at all it put you in a tough spot. I’d do it as many times as needed if my wife and I needed to, but I’d really struggle not to fap again after. You can’t stop living, or the addiction wins though.

I hate fapping. The desire to escape reality leads to leaving reality. I don’t explore the forums any more.

I see too many guys who are, to put it rudely, bat shit crazy in one blind spot due to “blindness” the addiction caused. It’s depressing. I catch myself buying into dumb lies all the time too.

It’s always gross and disappointing to think about what I just participated in financially by clicking on a free link.

I try not to dwell on the past, but getting away from the self lies tied to the fantasy is a big reason to quit PM. It’a not the 1st reason I think of to quit, but maybe it should be. Not feeding that echo system is also important.

 

Feeling confident about staying away from PMO. I had a couple of potential distractions that could have lead me to P, and some stressful things as well the last couple days. I used to think mindlessly that P would make me feel better but it really doesn't and I am finding strength in staying away from P. The habit of just going for a P site whenever multiple times a day isn't happening anymore. Of course I am coming here so that's good. The constant urge to PMO seems to be going away. Somehow this site has given me something that is really helping. Stay strong everyone!

 

try to think of what happened and your surroundings right before you relapse. then you have awareness of when they set up again you can change your response. think about the situation and decide to act different right in that moment.

 

I would like to be added to the waiting list please as I'm looking for a group like this. Thanks!!

 

Hi guys, checking in on Wednesday after a rocky Tuesday.

The demons were tough and persuasive yesterday. I was slowly losing the argument: being pulled towards a reset (or worse). And then I came here and read everyone's posts. That gave me the push that I needed to stop for a moment and regroup. Thank you. That was close.

Lesson to self - stay vigilant. This addiction keeps trying to coerce me into giving up.

 

What do you mean by "echo system"?

 

Magvor - I found that realizing the lies I was creating and living in that were tied to PMO really helped me get a perspective on the addiction and provided strength to abstain. When I thought of how dishonest I was with myself and everyone around me b/c of PMO it was shocking. The stress of lying was a lot. I feel more at ease now. What is "echo system"?

 

Today is day 13. Getting back slowly to where i was.

 

Welcome @Wanttosucceed!