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Could you forgive cheating?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by CrazyRat, Jul 13, 2020.

  1. YugenDran

    YugenDran Fapstronaut

    BurgerChamp that is some good name there! :)
     
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  2. BurgerChamp

    BurgerChamp Fapstronaut

    Thanks man! It was my alias in videogames and forums like this ever since lol I've been carrying this name for 8 years now xD came from my favorite order of burger in a prestige restaurant here in my country, if you were wondering C:
     
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  3. Personally I wouldn't expect my wife to stick only to me and wouldn't have a problem with her having sex with other people if she wanted to. I believe you call it "an open marriage".

    Having said that, if I got married and we actually promised each other that we will only be intimate with ourselves, and then she cheated on me, then the cheating itself is not really an issue but the fact that she promised me something and then broke that promise behind my back. That would be the real problem. The kind of problem that is too much to leave behind.

    But as I said, if I had a wife and she told me that she wants to have sex with someone else and asked me for permission, I would probably have no problem with that.
     
  4. YugenDran

    YugenDran Fapstronaut

    ;)
     
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  5. Not really. I believe it's when you don't mind your partner having sex with other people, however you are still your "main" partners and you have to kind of "report" where and with whom you were doing the thing. Kind of like in any relationship. Someone asks you where you've been and you are being honest and not lying about it.

    The reason is that while I do agree that humans are monogamous, I don't really agree that they are monogamous for life.
    And yeah. While I wouldn't mind her doing that herself, I would probably stick only to her and not look around trying to have sex with other women.
     
  6. Degenerate lol.
    Well at the end of the day it would be my marriage, not yours :p
     
  7. Hang on. You gave up that friendship because of the friend making it clear he wants something, or just because your husband was a big baby that was so jealous?
    Because lol. You are friends with someone your whole life and from your post I assume you gave it up only because someone can't get over the fact that your lifelong friend had different sex organs than you.
    Wow. If that was the reason then
    [​IMG]
     
  8. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I gave it up because my husband was insecure about it. I married him, not my friend. My marriage meant more than any friendship I have with another guy. I had 2 male best friends ( the 3 of us all grew up together )one is still my friend, and also very good friends with my husband. The other made my husband uneasy so yeah, I gave it up. If my husband had a female friend that made me uneasy, then I would hope he would care enough about me to do the same.
     
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  9. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    People are selfish. At their core. People are hurt. They then hurt others. People think that being respectful is being a doormat or controlled.. really it’s just common courtesy to be kind, to ask if your spouse has plans and share if you have plans. To take into consideration your spouses feelings. What do I lose by being kind and thoughtful? I’m not talking about an abusive relationship though, where husband/wife tells/controls the other- what to do/say/wear. My husband knows if he “ orders” me to do something I’m going to most likely do the opposite. I choose to be respectful, many times over the 33 years, I have not felt respect. I control my actions, my actions say more about me than my spouse..marriage is hard, marriage to an addict even harder, marriage to a porn/sex addict almost impossible. However, we make a choice on how we treat others.
     
  10. Well then.
    You made your choice then.
    But I hope you are not surprised that your husband didn't respect you.
    I myself wouldn't respect you if you gave up a lifelong friendship just because I am a big baby and a privileged asshole thinking you are my property and I get to pick your friends.
    Seriously. Someone like you is just not someone that gets respected.

    Sorry if it came off as blunt. Just wanted to tell you what it looks like and how I would feel about yourself if I were in your husband's shoes.
     
  11. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I’m so very glad you are not in my husbands shoes. Good luck on whatever it is you are trying to do. Lil
     
  12. Well from what you said he doesn't respect you. And I can see why.
     
  13. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

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    Lol, you don't know whether or not her husband respects her. Just know that what you said is simply an unsubstantiated opinion. I for one disagree, and I think that depending on the circumstance, a husband or wife that "caves" to the other's wishes is actually necessary and a healthy part of loving someone. The idea of marriage is that you become part of each other, not that you remain two totally autonomous people who just happen to share the same bed. I know, this idea is radical in a society that tells you that you can be in a relationship and still be "free" to do whatever you want.

    If you accept the lie that freedom is the highest good, you become a slave to an ideal.
     
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  14. "Necessary", "healthy".

    I don't have the patience to argue with that nonsense anymore.
    Do whatever you want.
    Just don't cry if people don't respect you because it's all your own fault.
     
  15. i like that part!
     
  16. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

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    That's ok, you don't have to argue with my "nonsense." (I'm not intending to sound passive aggressive btw lol). You're right, it is just my opinion, and if people don't respect me for it, that's totally fine. I, however, am more than willing to talk about why I hold my opinion.

    I only commented because I thought it strange that you would tell a wife whether or not her husband respects her based on very limited information. (Obviously, any PMO addict who is married is disrespecting his/her spouse to a certain degree in my opinion). That being said, I'm just calling into question whether it is helpful or hurtful.
     
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  17. Agreed. My relationship is impacted by masturbation even when I'm not looking at porn and even fantasy thoughts that might pop into my head during love making really breaks that sense of connection. I definitely feel the difference and imagine that she must feel at least some of that energy as well.
     
  18. That is possible, sure, and in some ways could be a beautiful thing. Almost. But why not share that sexual energy with her rather than getting off without her?
    And what is she doing in those thoughts / scenarios?
    How easily that could turn into objectifying one's wife or not accepting her as she is and wanting to change her in some way to fit one's sexual fantasies? :rolleyes:
     
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  19. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

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    You've given me a lot to think about. I've always been one to want respect in my relationship (I recently broke up with my girlfriend). When I was not respected (in a a lot of ways, including lying) I lost respect for her and started trying to control her. In turn that made me also lose respect in my own boundaries. I couldn't tell if I was extending grace or if I was training her to lie. It was a nightmare of a cycle but I'm somewhat relieved that I'm not in the cycle anymore. I still think about it every day, wishing things were different, wishing she'd told me the truth, wishing that I hadn't been so angry. But that's not to say I've let go, unfortunately I still find myself angry. I know you didn't ask haha so this was random of me, but what you said brought this to my mind.
     
  20. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad you do! Keep living a healthy PMO free lifestyle!
     
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