Did porn make me trans?

You're not trans if you want to be a father. You're good.

 

Read about SO-OCD

 

From what I'm seeing online and experiencing in my own life, this seems to be connected to spending time in your own head. It's like hedonism taken to the extreme. I'd say it's related to porn. I grew up assuming I was gay, but really life is showing me that I was just deeply unhealthy and disconnected from other people and my true identity. This is my current perspective (for anyone who wants to jump down my throat for questioning LGBT orthodoxy) - take it or leave it!

 

Yeah it's more than likely that you're experiencing SOCD, or sexuality obsessive compulsive disorder. I would say sexuality rather than gender, because I'm assuming the cause of this is how pornography can shape one's desires. I'm assuming you're watching sissy hypno, so I'm going to include that in the following breakdown.

Fetish Development

1. You start watching porn too much
2. This causes too much dopamine release
3. Your brain down-regulates (decreases) the number of dopamine receptors to compensate
4. You begin to turn to more extreme genres that release more dopamine, thereby gaining the same net dopaminergic effect despite down-regulation
5. This cycle continues, less dopamine receptors, more extreme fetishes, more dopamine, same net dopaminergic effect

Arousal-Anxiety Association

1. Fetishes make you feel anxious and ashamed
2. Classical conditioning takes place whereby anxiety and shame become associated with arousal
3. The more anxious you feel the more aroused you feel
4. The more aroused you feel the more anxious you feel
5. This creates a vicious cycle that further fuels the development of extreme fetishistic taste

SOCD Development

1. Increased anxiety makes us begin catastrophizing about normal thoughts
2. You see a man and think he's attractive (normal thought)
3. Wait...why do I think he's attractive...does that mean I'm gay!? (catastrophizing, assuming the worst)
4. We try to resist these thoughts
5. The resistance makes us more anxious, which only fuels the catastrophizing and lends more emotional charge to the thoughts
6. This develops into OCD where the thoughts come up more and more frequently, further fueling anxiety
7. This plays into the arousal-anxiety association because we become more aroused by all this anxiety

Sissy Hypno and Classical Conditioning

1. Sissy hypno uses classical conditioning
2. It pairs a naturally arousing image like a woman, with that of a penis
3. We associate penis with arousal from women until penis becomes arousing itself (like a bell causing salivation even in absence of food)
4. Sissy hypno creates more associations so that eventually we become aroused by being a woman, being with men, anal sex, etc
5. This makes us feel anxious, which makes us feel more aroused, again, further fuel for the cycle

Hope that clears up how this all develops and how they all interact with one another.

Now for the solution:

1. Abstain from pornography
2. Decrease anxiety in general via meditation, gratitude journal, working out, etc
3. Decrease anxiety specifically about gay/sissy thoughts
   • Find some solace in the fact that abstinence will help you form a clearer picture of your sexuality, that however confused and afraid you may feel if you just remain abstinent the image will become clearer. This will help decrease your anxiety because you'll be reminded that there is hope.
   • Realize that the path away from the thoughts, is through the thoughts
   • The more we fight or deny the thoughts, the more energy we give them, thus the more power they have over us
   • The key then, is to accept that if the thoughts are true, you're still going to be okay, and simply move on without engaging with them
   • The following affirmation combines these steps, write it down once in the morning and once at night, take a moment after writing it to breathe deeply and slowly, calming yourself down, and reminding yourself that this is nothing to worry about, you're going to be fine
   • "Whatever form my sexuality takes, I will be okay. I accept that worrying about these thoughts is making them worse. There is nothing to worry about because again, I am going to be okay. I commit to staying abstinent. I am going to be okay."

Hope that all helps.

 

That's interesting, so were you experiencing the body discomfort before or after you started watching porn? Did you always imagine yourself as the woman or was there a moment that you can remember where you started doing that? What about your sexual orientation, how do you feel about it?

edit: I reread your first posting and some of the questions were answered.

So if you always had a normal sexuality before the age of 23, it seems likely that your experiences are the result of porn addiction and how it has shaped your sexuality via the mechanisms I explained above.

Even if you don't watch sissy hypno, this kind of conditioning could take place. The fact of the matter is that most pornography is told from the woman's perspective. It's about her experience because heterosexual men are obviously interested in what she's doing. The issue that can arise is that men begin to identify with her, because they first identify with her pleasure. It's a very easy switch to go from focusing on her and her pleasure to suddenly imagining oneself as her and experiencing her pleasure. If that makes sense.

Again, like I said, the best course of action is to abstain from porn. I would recommend this to anyone who was experiencing gender dysphoria or really anxiety of any kind. The simple fact is that porn is too much of a confounding variable to allow into someone's life when there is some sort of dysfunction.

 

Wow what an explanation! So according to this PMO can be a sole cause for OCD? That's so brutal, and definitely one of the worst consequences of PMO addiction. OCD can be such a painful and debilitating disorder, to know that people (including myself) may have brought it onto themselves is so so sad.

 

See that’s the thing man. The very thought that OCD is a brutal, horrible disorder actually makes it worse.

Think about it. OCD is an anxiety disorder. The more anxious you feel, the worse it gets. If you convince yourself that it’s this massive, horrible thing, you make yourself more anxious, which just further feeds the disorder.

The key is to show yourself how ridiculous it is. How meaningless it is. It’s nothing, just some dumb thing.

Like seriously, you’re afraid of being gay? What the fuck?

I knew fully that there was nothing wrong with being gay, and yet I was terrified. The realization of how ridiculous that is was instrumental in my curing my OCD.

 

Damn maybe that's where I've been going wrong all along, I was giving it too much power and control over me by saying how awful it is, and thus increasing my anxiety and feeding it more.

I agree that it's fully just almost like an illusion created by our own minds, I have nothing wrong with being gay , and yet the 'what if' makes me anxious.

Did you go to therapy for it, and how long did it take you to get over it, if you don't mind me asking?

 

Well when it comes to porn changing your orientation I think we need to make a distinction between romance and arousal. Someone who is heteroromantic and bisexual would only want to be in a relationship with women, but would be okay sleeping with men. It seems clear that you are heteroromantic. That is something that I don't think porn can change.

However, what must also be taken into consideration is that arousal is subject to classical conditioning. You may never gain romantic feelings for men, but if you are given the proper conditioning profile you can develop conditioning that is powerful enough to make you act out sexually with men. This happens to a lot of sex addicts. Read the book, "Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation," for more about that.

What you may have done with porn is given yourself the proper conditioning profile to develop autogynephilia and arousal by enough male body parts to have it appear to be homosexuality. This is essentially what sissy hypno does. Obviously you didn't really watch it, but this may still happen with normal pornography.

Now if we add that to your body discomfort, it makes sense that you'd be more at risk than the average heterosexual cisgender male to develop such conditioning from pornography. There is a spectrum of transgender intensity. Some are more transgender than others. You may have some gender dysphoria that is enough to cause minor discomfort, that is increased by porn addiction, but not enough to actually be transgender.

I think the answer in either case is to abstain from pornography long enough for your mind to heal from any dopaminergic changes or conditioning. After that, you can begin to have a clear image of who you are.

 

That's a mechanism of p*rn. You get excited by things you dislike or even hate in the past. Who doesn't remember the pranks via messages with a beautiful woman then you open the pic and it's a trap. You felt so disgusted by it. Now you feel excited by it.

I don't know if you succeed for 90 days or more of Nofap if it'll go away from your brain or you'll be anyway excited by traps or gay p*rn. That's something I still don't know.

But anyway your feelings are due to p*rn consuming. You feel trap or gay or feminine but in reality you are super heterosexual.

 

Typical of porn addicts.

That right there won't help. You have to quit completely. See how long you can last ( Go for a month and beyond ) without porn, so you're brain can rewire itself.

 

being trans means having/had gender dysphoria

From what you are describing you most certainly do not have late onset gender dysphoria. Firstly, a difference between the gender you assign yourself and the gender you currently are must be present for at least 6 months.
Symptoms of gender dysphoria include a desire for outwards characteristics of your sex to be different, a desire to be/treated as a different gender. Anxiety, pressures, depressions and a general interference with life are common.