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I feel like a disapointment

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Dalian, Jul 18, 2020.

  1. Dalian

    Dalian Fapstronaut

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    I'm almost 200 days porn free and I'm not seeing any improvement in my PIED. Since quitting porn, it actually feels like it's gotten worse! I've read countless stories on here where people quit and after a month or two they are back to "normal." Can anyone provide insight for me? I think I understand that finding porn in early to mid adolescence is what has done this to me. It became a habit, then an addiction very early on and messing with my brain through the developmental years is probably why I am where I am with it.

    I'm feeling very discouraged right now because this is putting a lot of strain on my current relationship. I guess I'm only attracted to experienced women with high sex drives. Under normal circumstances this would be great, but this coupled with PIED makes me feel like I can't ever give my partner enough. And my relative lack of experience leads to performance anxiety as well.

    I guess I just need some encouragement and more success stories that share similarities with my situation.

    Thanks everyone
     
    ZenPhysics and JamesTheSquirrel like this.
  2. Hey Dalian, congrats on getting to 200 days, that's definitely something that you should be proud of!

    I was suffering with PIED before quitting and I've had ups and downs since then. I'm currently 300 days PM free and there are times when it's not an issue and sex is better than it's ever been and there are times where I still get ED.

    Recovery does take different amounts of time for everyone depending on individual circumstances. I'm in a similar position to you in terms of being around the same age and starting using P at around the same time. How long you've been addicted and how badly you were addicted definitely play a role in how long it takes to recover. There's a good article about it here :

    https://nofap.com/faq/how-long-does-it-take-to-recover-from-porn-addiction/#comment-1644

    One thing I've found is that my ED gets worse when I'm stressed. It also gets worse when I'm having sex frequently and focusing to much on O. From the sounds of it you are stressing an awful lot about your performance and that's likely to be having an effect on you. Something that's helped me is to just focus on the intimacy between me and my wife rather than focusing on my performance. Just try to relax when you are having sex and focus on her. Outside of sex try and focus on the other parts of your relationship and the general non-sexual intimacy between you.

    If you are really concerned about things you can always see a doctor. When I was still actively using PMO and things were bad, they did a testosterone test which came back normal. I was also prescribed viagra which did make me uncomfortable as I'm in my mid twenties but did help.
     
    ZenPhysics likes this.
  3. Dalian

    Dalian Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. It definitely helps to get some perspective from people in similar situations.

    It seems like the world is nothing but stressful these days! Through being stuck at home most of the time, I've found that I am far more susceptible to changes in my routine than I thought. The fact that I've been feeling so isolated really doesn't help my situation. I don't want to make excuses, though, and I know I'll come out stronger on the other end, but it still does make things harder.

    I've had a hard time developing and sticking to night/morning routines, for some reason. I know that'll help me, but I'm having trouble there.

    I just started therapy and I already have a doctor visit scheduled for Tuesday, so I am coming at this from all angles. I want to give myself all of the tools necessary to beat this. Part of my issue comes from a lack of sensitivity, I believe. I didn't really learn that one should use lotion or lube while masturbating when I was younger, and I'm afraid I did some irreparable damage masturbating dry all those years. I'm not sure how much a doctor can do in this situation, but I guess I'll find out.

    I'm sorry if this is TMI, but I'm not experiencing a lack or a decrease in nocturnal erections, so that's why I believe this is more of a psychological thing than a strict medical thing. But I'm not going to leave any doors closed, and I still think a doctor visit is worthwhile.
     
    JamesTheSquirrel likes this.
  4. Are you circumsized ? Sorry I’m just trying to understand your situation. Did you do probe masturbation or which ?
     
  5. Dalian

    Dalian Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I am circumcised, but no I rarely ever did prone masturbation.
     

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