Need addicts perspective

Of course a woman would say that. How ever I'm not blue pilled white knight so I know a thing or two. And of someone you have a relationship with gives you trauma, you should leave.

 

Look man, You shouldn't have come here just to call the lady crazy because she wants to vent. It's wrong to do so, and it only makes others think ill of you and yeah, you might not care about others opinions but it's still wrong to do what you did. You have no right to do that anyway.

 

Copy this and give it to the first person you lie to in a relationship. Read it to yourself the first time someone betrays you. Relationships are far more complicated the older you get.

 

If the guy is unwilling to listen to his own faults and admit his mistakes, I find it a waste of time to just try and tell him all this. Just hurts my brain and makes me feel worthless for wasting my time on useless people like him.

 

Well, it is funny that he thinks he knows everything and especially women. He reminds me so much of my son, who also thinks he’s everything! However, this addiction stole precious moments, years, and so much from me, that I will fight to help anyone escape it. Especially you younger guys, who I feel, never stood a chance because of the proliferation of porn on iPhones,etc.

 

I appreciate the help but I think that It's about time this addiction took over my life. I have no one to love and thankfully, because of me not able to love in the first place, that I was not able to harm any women in my life. However, I did hurt a friend which was supposed to be very close to me because I asked her if we could stop being friends and she ended up being hurt because of it, reason why I wanted to not be friends was because of religious purposes and I shouldn't have even friended her in the first place but it wasn't my intention to hurt her. I feel bad that I did but I can't regret doing so because I had to please allah instead of myself and everyone else. It is still my fault for friending a girl in the first place , not hers because she's actually a very good person and deserves more than she got but It is what it is and I can't go back now.
Why did I'm saying this where probably no one cares about whatever this is? No idea but thought I should share a bit.

 

Can't believe I use my time for arguing on the internet but what ever. Guys chill I'm not gonna lie to anyone in a relationship. I don't know everything about anything, still I'm aware of women's nature. Nothing more nothing less. And to add I have the right to call a crazy person crazy.

I hope you have a nice day!

 

Alright, whatever you say.

 

gotcha, you do have a point. Maybe this type of support isn't for me haha. Thanks.

 

You're not wrong there. I'm seeing this differently now I just find it hard to figure out who's wrong here. It wasn't his fault for falling into a trap that's destroying millions of men daily. Some see danger, so they walk away like me. Well, for others, they just don't take initiative.

Sad reality. Good luck however.

 

This is a deep post and lots of women I respect have already shared my views. Lillia and psalms well said.

To be fair, he’s not himself. He’s an addict. Expecting normal qualities while acting out (or waiting for the moment alone to act out) is a scary reality for either person.

yes his addiction has changed him into a monster. It’s a sad reality.

what he did with you in the video is called “gaslighting.”

It’s an attempt to control the narrative. If he’s allowed to continue, you may end up questioning your sanity.

Sometimes time alone is a great gift.
I advocate it where it is possible. Porn can really run its course to where he’s unable to hide and deny it. That’s what you want and what he needs.

I know with kids this can be complicated. But I have found your silence speaks far louder than words.

It’s one way to let the addict come back to his senses without using ultimatums (which I personally don’t believe actually work).

I believe you can love your husband AND leave him alone (temporarily) too. You cannot help him— just like if he had a cancer you cannot do much.

Lust or porn addictions predate their marriages. Porn is oftentimes the mans first girlfriend. And porn is not sexually triggered many times. Porn is emotionally triggered. So emotional frustrations and trauma will prompt porn use far more often than a sexual need or drive.

Your man has an entrenched issue for which you likely only see the tip of the iceberg. He may not know how deep it is. And If he’s not in a group of accountability there’s no telling what the truth of his situation really is.

I say this as a former porn addict of over 25 years.

Your marriage isn’t necessarily over — but you need to believe it is in order for him to reframe his struggle with his heart and mind. freedom is possible. Not easy — but certainly possible.

 

It sounds like you've never been betrayed by someone truly close to you, if you were I think you'd be able to be more empathetic and compassionate about the situation. Of course when a person that is betrayed by someone that is likely the closest person in their life they will become a little on edge. Let's not forget that she is living with this man, so that means she is constantly having to process and deal with this every time that she sees him...that's really rough on a person's psyche especially when they're gas lighting and unrepentant. I do agree that if it's as bad as it sounds she may need to divorce him if this keeps up.