Hi 20 y/o newbie here

Hi everyone, I'm new to all this and the moment of writing I feel like absolute s**t. Just PMO'd and I finally took the courage to create an account to try and FIX my life. I started watching this stuff when I was 12 and at the beginning it didn't seem too bad. But as I grew older and my obligations increased, I started turning to it more. Not only that, but growing up in a household with domestic violence really shattered me and PMO made me feel an emotion other than sadness or anger. As I grew older however, my reliance on it started to affect other areas of my life. I was 16 at this point and decided to stop PMO. I sought no help from anybody and tried recover. But as you guessed, I failed...The effects of my situation were sad to put it mildly. I was broken: I did terribly at school, I don't have a strong relationship with my family and was extremely suicidal. My life was crumbling in front of me and I didn't know what to do.

After moving to uni, my life has eased a tiny bit. But once again, I have found myself returning back to my old ways. This is why I have decided to join the community. The longest I have not PMO'd for is 30 days and the results were remarkable. I know what lies on the other side, I just need help to reach that once again and increase my streak. I don't want to return back to my high anxiety and severe depressive state that I had suffered for so many years. My anxiety as of this moment in time is creeping up and so are my negative thoughts; hopefully this time round, I'll conquer this illness.

It's day 0 as of now. I hope to make some friends on this platform. My life is really sad as of now and it would help ease that feeling if I could relate this feeling to anyone of you.

 

Thanks