1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Could you forgive cheating?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by CrazyRat, Jul 13, 2020.

  1. Toni7

    Toni7 Fapstronaut

    First of all I would said don't be so dump to find somebody that can cheat you. You attract what you are! If you are a person who have their own thinking and beliefs and he or she is everything difrent then you and your beliefs and you are still with him or her. Then you are pathetic! And for cheating part.. Imagen what person you have to be to cehat someone who thinks as you as his/her whole world and trust you. I wouldn't want to be friend with that person. If he/she can do something to person who belives him and loves him. Imagen what he/she can do to his friends. So cheating question is for low class people. But for real man that question doesn't exist.
     
  2. verbeek75

    verbeek75 Fapstronaut

    104
    80
    28
    Lilla, Sorry to hear about your cheating bastard husband, I'm assuming you have (small) children and that is why you are staying, hope you get treated soon and it completely goes away. Be strong, start living for yourself also.
     
    Lilla_My and Toni7 like this.
  3. No. I wouldn't cheat on my partner, so I don't expect her to do it to me either. After all man and woman are equal in everything and therefore same standards should apply to both. Now it may be right or wrong, I do not care. After all, it's my situation and I am in charge of how much sh!t I am gonna take from other people.
     
  4. Prince6543

    Prince6543 Fapstronaut

    224
    149
    43
    Everytime I face this situation occasionally when the game is over and I am still trying to figure out how I lost.
     
  5. I have in the past, so yes I can. :cool:

    Two things I have found helpful are recognizing that
    1. It is not about me. And,
    2. Despite #1, I invariably played some part in getting cheated on.
    Also, I have never technically cheated but … that doesn’t mean I never will. Life is complex. And things like this happen more than most people realize. Forgiveness and compassion can go a long way towards preserving a valuable relationship in the face of a minor indiscretion.
     
  6. As I am now I could, although I'm not sure my view is really valid atm since I have a femdom/cuckold fetish if I'm being totally honest. Before I got into that type of porn, I would have said no 100% of the time. I personally don't think the cheated individual should forgive cheating in most cases. And I want to specify when I'm talking about cheating, I'm talking a full blown out case where the cheater goes all the way. Statistics tend to support that once someone cheats they'll do so again (at least with the person they cheated on initially) On top of the case of betrayal, they're quite possibly opening up their partner to a host of venereal diseases.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 19, 2020
    Ὀρφεύς and +TenPercent like this.
  7. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

    940
    1,279
    123
    I don't think there can be any excuse for cheating. That means the partner who got cheated on should never feel like, "If only I had been a better person, then he/she wouldn't have cheated on me." It obviously doesn't mean that the partner who got cheated on was perfect, but if people start playing games of retribution ("You aren't good at making me dinner, so I'm going to have sex with someone else") there is no end to the problems it will cause.

    Don't return evil for evil.
     
    Toni7 likes this.
  8. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

    4,195
    7,774
    143
    ^^^THIS! If anyone has an excuse to cheat it is the partner of a porn/sex addict. Yet the majority do not. They usually end up leaving the relationship. There is never a reason to cheat. It says more about the cheater than the one cheated on.
     
  9. If I wasn't single I wouldn't give two shits about porn lol
     
    OhWhenThe likes this.
  10. Hmm . . . not one partner who *cheated on me* ever placed the blame on me. They never said, "Well, I had sex with him because you ______". But, in recovery, we learn to look at our part in every situation and to take responsibility for that. Previous partners of mine have had sex with other men because they felt insecure in the relationship (I was in my head), they weren't getting their sexual needs met (all my energy went to PMO) or because of their own issues. Why has it happened to me multiple times? Maybe its because of the women I pick? But, when I look back and see that most of them had never cheated before . . . could it be because of my excessive masturbation and my obsession with porn???

    There are probably multiple factors involved and without telling you the long story behind each incident, I again conclude that it was not about me (honestly, I'm reluctant to use the phrase "cheated on me" because it was never a revenge thing, or about me) and that I played some part in it - mostly by cheating on them with porn, fantasy and masturbation.

    Agreed. The SO of a PA has the best excuse to cheat, but most do not. Or, at least many do not, and I imagine many come close. The PA's behaviour is so hurtful. The SO is trying to save their last shred of dignity by leaving. As a self centred addict, I felt betrayed by partners that cheated on me and sad that they all left - even the ones that cheated on me, left soon after. In recovery, I see how these beautiful women only wanted to have a healthy and meaningful relationship and imagined that I was the "nice guy" who form that partnership with them.
    How sad it is that I shattered those dreams with my PMO addiction and could not connect with them in any real sense. I was in my addiction, trying to fit them into my fantasy world . . . or just trying to live in my fantasy world as much as possible without them, escaping from the relationship into porn. :(
     
  11. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

    940
    1,279
    123
    I agree. I think that PMO is a form of cheating. Yes, our sins create chains of more sin, but it still leaves no excuse for it. That's all I was trying to say.
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  12. If only that were true for most of us.

    I’ve managed to resist porn for the duration of my relationship, but masturbation? And urges to do both?

    Ironically it was almost easier to not masturbate when I was single. If I can make it two weeks without M, without any O, then there’s a good chance that I can keep going. But making love to my partner . . . well, let’s just say that it keeps the motor running.
     
  13. Apparition

    Apparition Fapstronaut

    I would always forgive cheating, but in my mind if you cheat that means you just aren't interested in a relationship with me anymore. I don't necessarily think that's really anyone's fault, you can't change how you feel.
     
  14. Kramum

    Kramum Fapstronaut

    74
    45
    18
    Your husband is a weak man and you are a weak woman. That's how you are still married. If you were strong, you would have stood your ground and never married him or at least divorced him the moment the lie would come out. And if he was strong he wouldn't be jealous of a friend and ask you to cut him down from your life. In fact he would be happy for you that you have a lifelong friend. Unless that friend of yours was actually a bad influence and your husband told you "I think you shouldn't be friends with him, he's not as good as you think he is. Trust me, you will be better off without him". That would be fine because he would make you do that for your own good, not for a selfish reason.
    You talked down people that got divorced twice and are now married for a third time. Lol. Who the heck are you to talk them down? You were and are married only once, true. But the quality of that marriage is so terrible that it probably would be better not to ever get married at all. So objectively speaking, they live happier lives than you do because instead of staying married for the sake of it, they divorced the wrong people and tried their luck again. And again.
    Unless you are old-fashioned and the sole fact of being married is a life success to you. Maybe these people are losers if you look at it this way. I don't know. Whatever.
    The point is, you are thick as thieves and you stuck together for a reason: you are very much alike.
    So you either change yourself for the better and attract someone who will in fact respect you, or just do what you've been doing until now - just keep fooling yourself that he actually is a great guy and you are super lucky to have him.
    But it is all your own fault at the end of the day, and complaining won't help anything.
     
  15. And you commenting about a dead-ass journal has no effect either.
    They're happy now and the husband fixed himself, what's the problem? It just doesn't matter because it has been in the past and it is now times better than it was in the past.
     
  16. Kramum

    Kramum Fapstronaut

    74
    45
    18
    If they really were happy she wouldn't have been here.
     
  17. Now that you've mention it, why is she here in the first place?
     
  18. Kramum

    Kramum Fapstronaut

    74
    45
    18
    I only responded to what she said. She had a good friend, and then her husband was jealous, so she cut her friend down from her life? That sounds like a weak husband and a weak wife.
     
  19. She did it for him.I'm not sure about the husband.
     
  20. Kramum

    Kramum Fapstronaut

    74
    45
    18
    A lifelong friendship ended just because of a jealous husband?
    As I said, it is okay if that friend started some shit or was just a bad influence on her for some reason.
    But that's not the case apparently.
    Put yourself in that friend's shoes. You have a male/female friend that you knew since you were little kids. And then that friend of yours tells you that this friendship must end because his/her wife/husband is insecure about you and demands that your relationship is ended.
    Just don't tell me you would take it sitting down. Because I... I would be ssssoooo disappointed... And I don't know. Maybe I would even cry. I really can't say what I would do and feel like, but I know I would feel very bad about that. Because of how unfair and stupid that would be.

    It is that she hurt her lifelong friend, someone she apparently really cared about, just because her husband is a weak man and wanted her to do that for him.
    That is beyond stupid and very, very hurtful.
    It shows that she doesn't respect either herself or the people around her. And that's a sign she is a weak woman.
     

Share This Page