Need help being better at communicating with girlfriend

Hey man, u never really explained what u meant with "being better at communication" or provide examples but here is my 2c for specific situations. I went for a course with a suicide/emo issue hotline organization where they taught about self awareness and active listening. My ex was always saying I don't listen and what the hell is active listening anyway? I didn't have trouble talking abt normal stuff with my ex but when she had issues/problem I think I didn't deal with those so good. Found out I was guilty of the "problem solving" mindset or ill try to disqualify her feelings with "it's a small thing, don't worry about it" or "don't cry". In short, I had to learn to be non judgemental and accepting of the person's emotional state or situation without trying to provide solutions or downplay the emotion.

So basically we reply by describing the situation with short statements like "must have been a tough/difficult day/it sounds like a painful experience, u must be hurt/angry" and let the person continue communicating.

Damn, some women callers appreciate it and think I'm godsend cause I "listen" and understand them unlike their bf or husbands but funny thing is I don't say much, just "open the door" and allow them to emote. Just spoke to a female caller. She was having trouble talking cause she was crying and apologizing for it and I said "it's alright, u should let it out, we all have a soft side", she was so happy (could even feel it in her voice) and said her bf would tell her "don't be sad" (like me, years back). Try not to knock urself cause we were never taught the language of emotions. Most of what I knew I learned from movies, TV which is crap. At 22 ure still developing so its good to know that u are trying to up ur personal comm skills. And you will be meeting more women as you progress in life.

Hope what I say is a bit relevant. Good luck with NoFap, so important.

 

Active listening is crucial. Also, learn where its appropriate to share your opinions. Women don't always want your input. Especially if its a direct challenge or can be perceived as a criticism of their actions or reactions.

At this point, it's not enough to just listen,you have to prove that you are listening. So repeat things back to her, obvious stuff. 'It seems like this person really upset you'. No shit sherlock. But she wants you to acknowledge and validate her feelings.
And dont forget to refer back to other conversations you have had. Again, she is assuming that you forget everthing ahe says instantly. 'This is another example of how you arent respected at work. Just like last week when X said blahblah...' etc. She wants you to share these burdens. And not just negative stuff either - remind her of how much fun she had last week etc, but only when she is sharing happy fun thoughts, not to try and change her mind.

Women view their emotions very differently from men, i think. They take them very seriously, not something that they need to control and snap out of.

They do vary though, so careful taking advice from strangers! But these are a few ideas you can try.

 

@fredisthebes nicely put, man. Acknowledge and validate. Where were you when I was f@cking things up??