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how to let go off the shame of the gay sex

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by recoome, Jul 14, 2020.

  1. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    I had so many nervous breakdowns. Public breakdowns. Because of the abuse. I still dream of a life without the abuse. :(
    It only takes up my mental strenght.
     
  2. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    How do you be happy in life? everything appears grey and emotionless. i do stuff out of obligation. just for the sake of it. there's no joy left in life.
     
  3. I relate to the feelings you express in your posts. I've tried to start a whole new life a couple of times, but I keep dragging a gay identity along with me, like muddy footprints.

    Whenever I type the word 'soul', I spell it 'sould', even when I try not to. As in, I prostituted my soul off somehow, probably to survive as a child.

    I don't remember any physical abuse, but I know my childhood was dark a.f. mentally and emotionally. I've only just got myself on my feet these last 5 years, and I don't know if my body will hold out long enough to have a decent shot at life. I don't even know how I'm still alive.

    A good day is any day where my mind doesn't spin off into the hellish realisation that I'm alone, have nothing, and have spent most of my life wandering around like a phantom, trying to find nourishment.

    I'm sorry you seem to have similar feelings. Things kinda have become better for me over time, after I cut my family off and started from absolutely nothing. Dunno if it'll be the same for you.

    I will say this: At least you had a straight identity to start with. Don't take that for granted - it's something to build on.

    Are you looking for a relationship with a woman? Love might be the answer, man...
     
    Addictedaddict likes this.
  4. There are forms of trauma therapy - trancework - that put you in a trance state and take you back to the situations you felt disempowered in, so you can re-imagine them, and work through them on a deep level. Talk therapy doesn't get down deep enough to really deal with the level of trauma you're dealing with. You might want to look into hypnotherapy, for a start.
     
  5. OP said he's straight, so you should respect that. A lot of your post reads like LGBT+ apologia, and you state things with unwarranted certainty. You have no right to suggest OP 'might be gay' when he said he's not, regardless of how 'open-minded' you pride yourself on being.

    What is your source material substantiating the claim that St. Paul was gay, bearing in mind that the current Western concept of homosexuality is a Victorian construct, and in St. Paul's day, you'd either be a man (active) or infamia (passive). I'm assuming you're saying St. Paul was infamia either in fact or by inclination?
     
  6. DrabToLight

    DrabToLight Fapstronaut

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    Which is why I never said he was gay. In fact, I went out of my way to make sure I posted both on the possibilities that he was straight or gay - because he never said one way or the other.

    Unwarranted? I am a confident straight man. I have gay family members and will never allow bigots to insult them. I am 100% certain that being gay is not a sin, it is not a crime, it is legal and perfectly normal. Now that same-sex and non-same-sex marriages are equal, let's just put all that homophobia behind us.

    @Chris_Cactusblossom , it is perfectly normal to be gay. I never suggested otherwise.

    -- D2L

    .
     
  7. Have the courtesy to read people's posts if you're going to post on their threads, especially when they're so obviously vulnerable.

    If you're going to respond to my post, respond to my post - don't spew random, patronising ideology at me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2020
  8. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    I did this just to please others. now i dont have a soul only memories from people who have said, 'ur such a nice person.'
    nice person, yeah right. i lost my soul just to please others coz the elders in my family were never happy with me.
     
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  9. 100% get it, and am growing surer every day that this is the key to understanding the 'gay' stuff.

    Man, you can take your soul back. You can either do it by a thousand steps or by a clean break, but you can do it. At least, you don't have anything to lose in the effort.

    Don't dismiss the power of prayer, as @Envoy-ofthe-End says, and don't listen to well-meaning ignorants who want to tell you the emptiness you feel is normal and healthy.

    It's like you need to build up your masculine identity so you can stuff the 'gay' stuff, or in your case, your abuse-related trauma, back down underfoot where it belongs, and delete it from your mind and soul so you can live a normal, switched-off life. The problem is that it's really hard not to tell people about it, and once people know, that's it - you're a gay man.

    Got really ranty for a second - I need to step away from this and come back before I post things I'll regret.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2020
  10. DrabToLight

    DrabToLight Fapstronaut

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    I quoted you chapter and verse. What more would you like?
     
  11. Smh. I'm still waiting for the source material re. St. Paul. Clicking the 'quote' button and reading are apparently wildly different skillsets.
     
  12. iwontfail67

    iwontfail67 Fapstronaut

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    Darb can you do everyone a favour and fuck off. Stop polluting these Hocd threads. No ones insulting your gay family members. Obviously you’re not trying to help the OPs, you’re just trying to remind everyone how “offensive” this all is. It was funny on the first couple posts but now you’re going way too far. Stop involving yourself in something that has nothing to do with you.

    cheers

    -everyone
     
  13. DrabToLight

    DrabToLight Fapstronaut

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    If you read my posts, I quoted Gal and Corinthians and Acts. Paul (Saul of Tarsus) actively encourage men to not get married and to remain as he was. He was a first-century Jewish man that was a confirmed bachelor. He was also a Roman soldier and the Romans in the first century didn't care if a person was homosexual.

    Read my posts, read the quotes from the New Testament with chapter and verse citations. One skillset you might learn is to read what someone has written before accusing them of not having written it.
     
  14. vril

    vril Fapstronaut

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    I can certainly relate. There are things in the past that I've done that have haunted me and, at certain points, I've revisited.

    Self-destructive behaviors come out of the experience of alienation. That's what abuse does in a very acute way. You associate pleasure with being treated as an object. It alienates you from yourself. The behaviors persist because we can't find a way to bridge the gap.

    What is needed, I believe, is unconditional love. The unconditional part of unconditional love is that it isn't based on what you did or did not do. And love acknowledges your dignity as a human being, wants only the best for you, and cares about you. It isn't about taking pleasure in you as an object. I think of this love as like a tidal wave: it immerses everything that it comes in contact with and disintegrates anything that separates it from itself. The self-destructive behaviors fall off on their own because they no longer have a purpose. That love is not easy to find, of course. All people are limited in their abilities and so is their love. That is one reason that I am led back to belief in God, since God doesn't have those limitations. And I also don't think it is just in receiving, but in giving. That's something that gets left out of self-help stuff: other people.

    Hope that helps, my friend.
     
    Addictedaddict likes this.
  15. Fighter&Croat

    Fighter&Croat Fapstronaut

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    I apologize for being pretty late with my reply and if I am a bit off-topic. However, I have a need to say that this book is a great eye opener and a game changer! I already knew something about the inner child, however this book helps with a special focus on the sexual addiction. I already recognized myself in some situations and I am already working on identifying and predicting triggers that I have. I am sure this will help me reduce my addiction a lot, if for even help me in achieving even longer streak that I know I can achieve.
    Man, thank you so much for revealing this book for me! God bless!
     
  16. abc12345678ia

    abc12345678ia Fapstronaut

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    Bisexual mmf porn helped remove shame

    TRIGGER WARNING POSSIBLE BELOW

    I have another angle on this that some will accept and others maybe not about male bisexuality at least. I was sexually abused by a family member first as a child sodomized at 5 years old black out during it came too with white stuff running out my butt -- not having a clue to what it ws at that young age. And then other drunken men, teenaged boys and one women she made me eat her pussy, it was like somehow I had a neon sign saying abuse me sexually. This occurred until I was 11.5 then I grew up not kid looking enough I guess and had a big mouth that probably saved me from more.

    And the one factor that I hated is it started feeling good to be sexual with men in preteens. I'm embarrassed to admit and conflicted me alot.

    I'm sorry this is all over the place but I had really suppressed it allot until one day a few years ago my wife wanted to watch some porn to spice things up ( I really wish I would not of agreed now ) she wanted to see a mmf bi porn three-way. She had stumbled onto a mm gay softcore love scene on LOGO that really turned her on. And wanted to see more.

    And when that movie played I felt something click awe hah moment. It got me so turned on in dopamine overdrive. I realized why I liked this kind of porn over time this happed at 48. Is because when the woman liked it in real life not sure but acting anyway when she got wet seeing the men play, more so with the guy receiving that was the bottom it turned me on I know. Because her getting aroused my this mm action for a day or 2 afterwards took the fear shame and guilt away of the CSA. It made me feel somewhat like it was ok didn't make me less of a man and my wife liked it too and told me she thinks the same of me now even as before I suppose turned bi.

    But the feeling it is ok and taking the shame away was so calming to me for a few days after each viewing. But it lead to acting out in many mmf bi thing and a few 6 or 7 mm encounters with me being the bottom in these occurences. But feel that more bi in middle of the scale and the mmf bi stuff did the same as the porn.

    But fucked alot of women over the past 32 years still am into women its weird now women, man and woman and me partners. but man man doesnt turn me on much anymore and dont seek it out much in porn either.

    But deep down if I hadn't had the sex abuse by men would I be drawn to bisexual this at all including porn.

    sorry in advance if this is TMI.
     
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.

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