Determined to break the habit

Hello everyone.

I’m a 30 year old guy from the UK struggling with PIED.

Decided to write my thoughts down to summarise how I’m currently feeling. Maybe people will read it, maybe they won’t, but either way I’m hoping that by putting it out there this will make me more accountable and might even be therapeutic. I’ve tried to write this in a way that won’t cause triggers but sorry in advance if I have.

My main issue is PIED. I’ve suffered from it for as long as I can remember and it’s caused me to have a really unhealthy relationship with sex. I didn’t have a clue what it even was until last year when I found this site and read stories from other guys suffering with the exact same thing. I always assumed my issues with ED were a nerves related issues or even a physiological issue, but I was always confused why I never had this issue when alone or when watching porn.

For me, I think this started with my first few sexual encounters. The fist time I was ever intimate with someone I could get hard but not stay hard. Nothing much happened and it quickly came to an end, without the happy ending. When I lost my virginity at 19 I had the same issues. I struggled to maintain an erection and my partner wasn’t very sympathetic and pretty much laughed about it in-front of me. But I managed to get the job done. After that I had several similar encounters with similar results, and I think this has just made me go deeper and deeper into my porn addiction as I feel it’s the only place i can get some satisfaction.

As I mentioned before, at the time I attributed the ED to nerves or even a problem with my body, but I now realise this is all related to porn. I’ve been watching porn since I was about 12, and like many other users have said it’s got worse and worse over time, both in terms of how much I’m using it and the stuff that I’m watching. These days I’m looking for really dark and kinky stuff before I’m satisfied.

Sex these days sex is really difficult as I’m so deep into my addiction and PIED. I find myself getting really anxious if I feel things are going to get intimate, not because I actually feel nervous about being intimate but because I know I’m not going to be able to perform. This has lead to me only hooking up after drinking alcohol, so if the little guy doesn’t wake up I just blame it on the effects of alcohol. I don’t actually drink a lot by the way. These occasions are very rare.

So this pretty much where I am now. I originally joined this site last year and lasted about 3 weeks before relapsing and not logging back in. This time round I’m determined to kick the habit. I might turn this into a bit of a diary / journal if people would be interested. I find reading success stories on here really helps. Does anyone know of any other good resources out there? My main goal here is to cure my PIED and to be able to have sex without getting anxious that I won’t be able to perform.

Stay strong!

 

Check in. Currently on day 4. Feeling pretty confident about my progress.

I really struggled to sleep last night. Not sure if it was down to NoFap or not. Has anyone else ever had any sleeping issues? i still woke up early as usual and don’t feel totally drained from lack of sleep, so maybe that’s a benefit?

I’ve been watching some YouTube videos by a guy called Richard Harris and he talks in depth about no PMO from a lot of different perspectives, so I would recommend a look if anyone is interested.

I did yoga this morning for the first time in a while. Don’t usually have the energy or enthusiasm to do it so I’m going to keep that going everyday.

Stay strong!

 

Check in. Day 5. Feeling pretty good again.

I have a pretty busy / active day planned so I think that will help with taking my mind of things.

I had my first cold shower yesterday. It was ok but I couldn’t last very long. How long do guys normally stay in them?

any advise on anything is appreciated.

Stay strong!

 

Day 6. Found myself getting more urges but coping well. I think if I keep myself occupied then I’ll be ok.

Haven’t noticed much benefit in terms of increased energy etc. Anyone know when this usually kicks in?

stay strong!

 

Day 7. I really really struggled last night and came close to PMOing but managed to stop myself.

I hope this starts to get easier.

Stay strong!

 

Thanks I really hope so. Today is going well. I can really feel myself getting used to this and sticking with it.

Thanks for your support. Glad I inspired someone! All the best.

 

Day 8. Nothing much to declare today.

I do find that I have got a lot more confident since stopping PMO. Like I am speaking to people that I would not normally speak to. Hopefully this benefit stays.

Stay strong!

 

Day 9. Going good. Feel like these first 14 days are within grasp!

 

Day 10. So happy with my progress.

I still feel urges all the time. Does anyone know when ‘flatlining’ might kick in?

stay strong

 

Day 12.

The longest I’ve ever done is 21 days. I’ve decided that my short term challenge is to complete a no gap August challenge but hopefully at the end of August my urges will be much reduced and I’ll be able to keep going.

Stay strong