Recovery Journal

I relapsed a moment ago,despite knowing a lot and being quite busy through the day,no stressful situations...It's like a new driver who knows the rules of the road but they are not an inseparable,embedded part of him and at the certain moment due to temporary forgetfulness and bad judgement he gets into car accident.I gonna record my recovery steppingstones in this journal,along with perceived benefits and negative effects/problems.
Day 0-strangely enough I feel quite clear headed,but a slightly uncomfortable feeling in the 'tool'.

 

Day 1-Negative side was I couldn't fall asleep for 4 hours untill 2am,urges are not strong,ability to concentrate worsened,yeah I recon it does quite a damage to ability to listen attentively to the complex information,self control worsened with a tendency to waste time instead of doing something useful.

 

Day2 I finally slept,but not that good-I was waking up every hour (fast water exchange .Meditation in the morning was slightly better,slight headaches but nothing major,guess it's all part of repayment system for damaging you own health.

 

Day 3-Quite a mess in a word.I mean when you hear words clearly but struggle to join them together and retain a sense of a sentence you've heard.Mental overheat.

 

Day 4- slept without going to the toilet in the middle of the night WOW.Generally felt quite energetic today with quite a tendency to get involved in trivial matters but managed to finished all my tasks for today a few hours earlier than yesterday,no headaches...maybe it's because the weather was fair today

 

day 5-slept quite well,cognitive ability gets better,i guess it is because of the accumulated energy can be applied to promote higher brain functions other than the basic ones,started feeling more self confident and calm

 

day6 temptations strong not to women or porn but rather to experience the feeling in certain body areas.Maybe it's what they call dopamine craving brain was activating old pathways in the brain to get it.Slept ...not too bad,woke up still sleepy,but through the day done a lot of unnecessary stuff although managed to do the planned part too Will grows stronger with every day.

 

Day7 Looks like people got a tendency of getting addicted to everything over a prolong use/exposure,maybe the trick is to change the things that areb harmful or no longer serve you as the circumstances have changed.Slept not too bad ,will strong,attention a bit jumpy,appetite so so.

 

Day 8.Quite weird with a weird company.Got a headache..Too many exercises through the day.Attention jumpy,a lot of verbal expressions when interacting with others.

 

Day 9.Verbal expressions reduced to acceptable level.No headaches today.Slept not too bad about 6 hours.Thought in mind- 'If you are going through hell - keep going.Quite clear minded though.Looks like even 9 days give you enough to cope with situation in a calm way

 

Day 10.When the going gets hard hard gets going.The only question is how far?Feel a bit adventurous, focus a bit jumpy,a bit worse than yesterday.

 

Day 11.Felt quite shitty and easily angered,with a tendency to lose focus between listening and seeing what's going on around.

 

day 12 ,quite a bit calmer today,had some internal urges which have passed after quite a big amount of physical activity

 

day 13.Hot weather not so easy to sleep,neighbors having parties.Concentration so-so,big breakthrough with long term problems I was avoiding for a long while,will is quite strong.

 

Day 14.Shit happens and sometimes when driving a long distance you get tired and at some point your brain shuts down for a second or two ,and next moment when you open your eyes you realise that you are in the different line or you might never wake up,if you were lucky you can get scared of what might had happen,and all sleepiness disappears for a while...
good focus on tasks at hand and good results

 

Day 15.Slept heavily but woke up easily.Will is strong,focus during meditation so-so.Digestion is alright.