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Rethinking my strategy

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Discerning_Dubearte, Aug 7, 2020.

  1. Aug 7, 2020 #1
    Discerning_Dubearte

    Discerning_Dubearte Fapstronaut
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    due to my relapsing as of late(the past 7-8 months), I am asking for assistance in reevaluating my strategy going forward. From my perspective I seem strong until I have days off of work(not the only days I act out), they seem to be the days I get the case of the “fuck its” generally between 2-6am I’ll wake up and convince myself to give in. I have has success in the past several months of abstinence and one 4.5 month span(no pmo) last year.

    I keep hearing mixed messages about what I should do going forward. I’m also a member of a 12step group for sex addiction, my sponsor suggested I get a year of sexual sobriety before considering dating. The desire to date is an up and down battle for me, some days I really want to some days I’m glad I’m single. Another member in the group suggested I get rid of all internet devices period. I feel that’s just a bandaid not addressing the underlining issue.

    Another member on this website seems to encourage me to start going out and dating. I am at a point where I’m not sure what I should attempt to do, plan wise and would like a outside parties input to reveal what aspects I may be overlooking so I can have more information to create a plan going forward.
     
    Discerning_Dubearte, Aug 7, 2020
    Discerning_Dubearte, Aug 7, 2020
    #1
    Candun likes this.
  2. Aug 7, 2020 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Why don't you take steps to make it harder for you to relapse in the time frame you mentioned (2am-6am)? Turn off wi-fi before going to bed, leave your phone in another room, lock the door, etc. Make it as inconvenient as possible. That may work as a crutch.

    Since you want to address the underlying issue, answer: why do you relapse during these specific hours and days?
     
    Deleted Account, Aug 7, 2020
    Deleted Account, Aug 7, 2020
    #2
    alphakadabro and Candun like this.
  3. Aug 8, 2020 #3
    Discerning_Dubearte

    Discerning_Dubearte Fapstronaut
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    I think I relapse during these times due to being tired and more susceptible to urges.

    I have tried making things inconvenient. I would just end up using my family members computer in that case, when I wanted to act out.
     
    Discerning_Dubearte, Aug 8, 2020
    Discerning_Dubearte, Aug 8, 2020
    #3
  4. Aug 9, 2020 #4
    r8js

    r8js Fapstronaut

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    One step at a time

    Small steps are essential

    Appreciating good things are important..

    Trying out possible good ways is experiment......
     
    r8js, Aug 9, 2020
    r8js, Aug 9, 2020
    #4
  5. Sep 18, 2020 #5
    Love2LongBoard

    Love2LongBoard Fapstronaut

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    Before you start dating you should be someone you want to date. I would recommend setting your own goal and sticking to it. Dating will only make the issue worse and potentially bring a lot of pain to your future partner.
     
    Love2LongBoard, Sep 18, 2020
    Love2LongBoard, Sep 18, 2020
    #5
  6. Sep 19, 2020 #6
    alphakadabro

    alphakadabro Fapstronaut

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    The underlying issue is your PMO habit that you repeatedly recreate around yourself. So you should shake up your environment and stick to a strict regulation of your devices. This works if you actually do it. You can't relapse with other people literally looking at your computer screen or when there is literally no wi-fi / mobile data.

    Taking away the internet devices is indeed the answer for Internet Addiction. But assuming you don't live in a monastery, this is not feasible to do. We need internet to do daily tasks. But we have the power to control under what circumstances we voluntarily use the internet under.

    PMO has zero control over you.
    Does a porn video come out of nowhere and assault you while you are eating breakfast?
    Do pornstars approach you on the street and start dancing?

    No.

    PMO is always invited into your life.
    We are the ones who open the browser.
    We are the ones who undress in front of the screen.
    We are the ones who check whether anyone else can see us.
    We are the ones who close the curtains and lock the door.

    PMO cannot harm you without your permission.
    PMO doesn't even exist without your cooperation.
    We create PMO by streaming and downloading, going into privacy, and opening it on a digital internet-connected device.
    Without our own doing there is no PMO to worry about.

    PMO is 100% under our control, at all times and without exception.

    I wrote two posts about these topics.

    My #1 Tip: Change Your Environment https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/my-1-tip-change-your-environment.288435/

    How To Use Devices In a Healthy Way https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/how-to-use-devices-in-a-healthy-way.290017/
     
    alphakadabro, Sep 19, 2020
    alphakadabro, Sep 19, 2020
    #6

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