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Flatline From Hell: Why I Will Never Relapse Again.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by BlackCoffee_, May 23, 2015.

  1. BlackCoffee_

    BlackCoffee_ Fapstronaut

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    Good Day/Night Fellow NoFappers,

    I am here to tell you a story/description from my most recent encounter with the flatline period. I am here to also tell you as to how I am going to use it as a motivating factor as to never have a future relapse.
    Flatline Period: Monday May 18th, 2015 To Friday 23rd May, 2015.

    NOTE: I am not a great storyteller, and this is a very concise version of what happened, so please, forgive my storytelling, I am not J.K Rowling, and it's good that I'm not, cause like, she's a woman and I am a dude.
    Story:
    On Monday, I woke up in a relatively normal state, nothing to be too concerned about. I got up and went about my regular business, brushing my teeth, took a cold shower and had some tea after. After the shower, I felt a little more flat than usual but I chose to ignore this feeling. Fast Fowarding, I proceeded to go read after breakfast, this is a habit that I've picked up recently since I've started my journey. Now, here is where things get weird, as i go to look for my book, I feel no zeal at all to do so, I feel no sense of urgency to go and find it. However, when I did find it, I started to read and as i progressed, the task of reading seemed to become quite daunting and frustrating. This was something strange to me because I enjoyed reading (Yes I know, I am boring :p), it felt queer, but again, I shrugged it off and moved on with life. So then, I decided to watch a movie, I downloaded quite a bit so I could watch them after final exams, but alas, as i was Scrolling Through The Movies I realized I Had no interest to watch anything at all. So here we are, after One night, I had literally started off my day in it's usual way and ended it off with me wondering why I had no interest in the things I enjoyed. On Tuesday, It was the same story again, No interest in anything, nothing, just get up and drone around in the day without purpose.

    Fast Forward To Friday, This was When It Really Boiled Over. I had bouts of aggression and headaches, I had mood swings from me being all teary to me wanting to rip someone's head off. On This Day, it was so bad in the sense that I could not have even gotten up out of my bed, I didn't eat for the entire day, I didn't shower. All I did was sit in a dark room and try to find an answer for this feeling. I've entered flatlines before, but none as bad as this. I consider myself a mentally strong person, but it reached the point where the depression had me feeling suicidal. This is where i realized, No more going back, no more relapsing, no more giving up, I am not turning a back on me or my girlfriend. I am here to say, Guys, If you are going through hell, Lets Keep Going. It's Saturday and i can feel myself mentally recovering.

    I hope my story is somewhat of a help to you guys, I'll try to share more of my experiences as time passes and to also be more detailed as possible. Anyway, Have A Good Night Guys, Take Care!

    TL;DR:
    If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going
     
  2. HeisenbergBlue

    HeisenbergBlue Fapstronaut

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    The light is at the end of your tunnel. I'm glad you said "I will never relapse again" The mentality is there, stay strong!
     
  3. BlackCoffee_

    BlackCoffee_ Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, thanks for the support. Actually, your signature reaffirmed something for me, I kept reading and listening to talks on why motivation is unreliable and the real key to success is in discipline. I'm currently trying to get that mantra to stick in my head, so I'll always follow that principle for success.
     
    Kurapika and HeisenbergBlue like this.
  4. Drift

    Drift Fapstronaut

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    Wow, I haven't even started my road and this seems incredibly daunting. Mad props blackcoffee, so glad you got through the week! Keep it up, you inspire the newbs, and go out and try to be with friends or other people if you can.
     
  5. BlackCoffee_

    BlackCoffee_ Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, Don't let it scare you, embrace the grind, embrace the flatline. It's a temporary hurdle in achieving a much bigger goal, a goal that practically changes your life. And as for your suggestion, Ever Since I've Started A couple months ago, my life has been much more interactive (I still don't mind being alone, but i can attribute that to my high level of introversion), it has been more productive, I am holding better and more meaningful conversations, being more open minded whilst having my strong values. My piece of advice to you, just start, right now, in the moment. Take it from a guy who's suffered the pain of a relapse, I've learnt alot about myself and my body ever since i started NoFap. Regardless of the fact that i relapsed, I still made improvements throughout to my life and i will continuously do so. So yea, NoFap is a learning experience as well as it is a way to recover from addiction. Don't be scared, this is probably the best thing for my body and mind that has happened to me. Hope to hear about your success one day.
     
  6. mv8652

    mv8652 Fapstronaut

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    BlackCoffee is right when he says not to let it scare you. You can take some comfort in the fact that not everyone flatlines, and most of those who do don't suffer as much as he has described. Some write that they look forward to their flatline--to be able to experience relief from the urges. As for me, I've never had a flatline in my several streaks (before NoFap) of 30 to 41 days without M. Neither have I had any yet on NoFap. I hope I do get to experience the cessation of my strong libido for a time at some point, since that would be such a novel trip for me. On the other hand, nobody would want the major depression that comes with it for some. Whatever happens, embrace it, as BlackCoffee advises. It's part of getting where we want to go.

    Anyway, Drift, I wish you all the best in your journey. Be strong and stay clean! If you relapse, don't beat yourself up over it. Get right back on the horse and ride!
     
  7. BlackCoffee_

    BlackCoffee_ Fapstronaut

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    @mv8652 you're right, every person's flatline experience is different and can be mild to moderate to severe. I believe I've experienced a severe case, thankfully in a short period of time. So in response to you, everyone's flatline will go a different way. Also, I'd like to say, it's pretty rare that I see someone actually looking forward to a flatline (I'm still a new kid on the block, so excuse my noobness). I guess it's how you view that period as well, some may use it to put their recovery on cruise control and make it much more easier for them. I can see where you're coming from, when it happens, I wish you best of luck in it and hope you don't experience what I did.
     
  8. mc_9393

    mc_9393 Fapstronaut

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    Wow man, thanks for sharing this on my thread about flatlines.

    Man, today has been so weird for me. It was the first time during nofap that I had crazy mood swings all day... I totally understand that feeling you felt when you couldn't read that book in the morning. I had an interaction with a coworker this morning, and I felt so socially awkward that it bothered me for hours. I felt so many negative emotions today, I even got pissed at my roommates (they've never seen me angry).

    Well I guess I know that I'm making progress. If I can get through this without PMO, I can get wherever I want with nofap.
     
  9. Congrats on making it through the flatline BlackCoffee_. You stayed true to your goal, and thanks for sharing your experience. I laughed at the J.K. Rowling part.

    I've felt my first flatline yestertday. It wasn't as intense as your went, but I just felt empty inside. I did my usual tasks with little problem, but I felt empty. No motivation or nothimg. It was as if my brain was on autopilot just to get over that void I felt. I felt nothing at all. All I wanted to do was just sit on the floor and stare at the wall for hours. But I got over it. I swore off PMO, to live a healthier life without it, and I didn't turn to porn and masturbation to get over that empty feeling.

    I know I'll experience more flatlines as I continue to go cold turkey. For me that just means I'm getting somewhere into my no PMO life.
     
  10. mickeyds

    mickeyds Fapstronaut

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    Can someone please explain what flatline is. I understand more or less the concept but I'm not sure how to know whether or not is happening. I'm only 10 days in and I feel good about myself. No urges or anything. I have noticed though that today I was thinking of going to the gym and I wasn't really motivated to go. Before all this I always looked forward to going but for some reason I didn't even feel like going. Can some one please explain how I will know if I'm flatlining or not? Does that mean that you don't get erections at all? No matter what? Do you feel depressed?
     
  11. Congrelous

    Congrelous Fapstronaut

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    Flatline is just your body's way of resetting after the first major withdrawals go away.

    Let's say you're someone like me, who has been binging to porn every other day for a decade.

    That's a big, regular hit of dopamine and other chemicals from a very specific source.

    Some people may not even have a flatline. It depends.

    The symptoms are usually unique from person to person.

    For me it's just a magnification of the depression I already have, but at the same time I have more focus.
     
  12. mv8652

    mv8652 Fapstronaut

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    I'm no biochemist, but I gather that flatline is a period of imbalance/rebalancing of hormones, neurotransmitters, and/or other brain and body chemicals that can ensue some time after a man has suddenly cut off the regular fix of dopamine that he's been getting from PMO. It truly affects different men differently, it at all. For instance, if a person is predisposed to depression, and he's been self-medicating it with PMO, then it seems logical that depression will be a feature of his flatline when he ceases PMO. On the other hand, if another man is motivated and confident by nature or nurture, and PMO has been suppressing those traits or robbing him of his time or energy to pursue them, then NoFap will allow such positive qualities to flourish. Those are just extreme examples for the sake of illustration. Most of us are complex blends of different states in relation to different facets of our lives.

    The good news is that things do get rebalanced again. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that we reach a new balance, which is the defining essence of the reboot.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2015
  13. BlackCoffee_

    BlackCoffee_ Fapstronaut

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    @DestinyFucker I'm Actually currently in my second flatline. It's nowhere near as bad as the first one. Only thing that is prevalent is limp dick, lack of urges and a slight decrease in work ethic. It's survivable man, I know it is, I 've seen what hell looks like and I'm not going back. I like this life I'm living. For instance, I have been in a long distance relationship a year and seven months now. I'm not boasting here, but my relationship has always been a great, but i must point out how it's become so much better ever since I quit PMO (She also quit with me, but for her it was just MO). But yes, first off, the quality of our conversations has increased ten-fold, we have more wholesome conversations on both meaningful (how we can keep on continuously improve ourselves, each other and the relationship) and emotional topics. Life for us has increased, we've been more productive, pushed each other to do well, have more energy during the day. However, as you can see from my counters, I did have an orgasm roughly 18 days ago. This orgasm had no ill effects on me, I am repeating, NO ILL EFFECTS on me. Simply put, the orgasm i had was with a real human woman being, not some pixleated woman on a screen doing things to a guy that you wish could have been you. I felt euphoric, I felt emotionally connected, I felt in Love, and most importantly, it felt right knowing that this is where my pleasure is supposed to come from, the natural way of loving. This is the whole point of NoFap to build meaningful relationship and have physical relations with a REAL woman, not a woman on the screen but a REAL LIVE HUMAN BEING WOMAN. I know I'm ranting here now, but nothing could compare to that Orgasm that I felt with her, I felt complete as a Man and it felt better than any orgasm that I had. I do intend to marry this woman one day.

    My point is, the journey and the rough patches are worth it, you'll get there and you'll be thankful you did it. I know I am, but hell, I'm just getting started. :)

    EDIT: if the construction sounds haphazard, I did not do this in one continuous sitting, so please excuse that.
     
  14. BlackCoffee_

    BlackCoffee_ Fapstronaut

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    You have the right idea man, suffer this temporary pain, you'll be thankful that you did, take it from me, im going through my second flatline now. It's just a temporary hurdle. Also, Well Done On Your Streak!
     
  15. DannyCool

    DannyCool Fapstronaut

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    Yes it is the hurdles are the most important part of the journey someone on here put it very well the other day yes it was like this that by doing no PMO other stuff comes up but it is by cleaning out the cobwebs we find more happiness. I was flatlining the last day at least I didn't have to work.
     

  16. Thanks for the pep talk and for sharing your experience. It's great to be able to have that meaningful connection with a woman, a real live breathing person with a personality, hopes, dreams and desires. I hope someday to experience those feelings of love and affection. For now though I'm riding solo.

    I will work through my flatlines. More will come as the weeks continue. Flatlines and its resulting feelings are only temporary. I gotta endure the next few weeks of emptiness, but I'll be stronger because of them
     
  17. BlackCoffee_

    BlackCoffee_ Fapstronaut

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    No problem man
    Best of luck to you!
     
    MellowSchizo likes this.
  18. Musta

    Musta Fapstronaut

    That's the spirit man. I've been there too (probably still), and embracing the flat line is possible. I'm getting used to it now. I kinda like it :p
     
    BlackCoffee_ likes this.
  19. Congrelous

    Congrelous Fapstronaut

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    I'm getting more depressed and angry the longer into my streak I go. I don't like it.
     
  20. BlackCoffee_

    BlackCoffee_ Fapstronaut

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    You gotta suffer the temporary pain, it's a necessary evil to accomplish your goals. Stay strong man, you can do it. Re read success stories and find ways to self improve yourself. It's worth it, I'm enjoying it and I have so much yet to do.

    You can also check out www.yourbrainonporn.com

    It'll help you stay on track
     
    Congrelous likes this.

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