Is it sex addiction?

I understand. I thought maybe it could living it out relax things? I am not expert. Just my nature

 

They have a child, someone besides themselves to think about. Bringing another person into their marriage is a sure fire way to destroy it. Most marriage vows include forsaking all others. It’s not uncommon for sex addicts to want the novelty of many people, but they won’t make their relationship better.

 

Psalm27. I know about the vow. But also that if there is consent it’s ok to have any sex type you like?

 

Of course you can do anything you both agree on, that doesn’t mean it’s good for your relationship. In fact statistically speaking this will destroy their relationship. Just because something might feel good in the moment doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

 

Thank you for your reply. I know I am too open or too easy down

 

Even though your short post is pretty descriptive, @KASE1228, I clearly do not know or understand your situation. This is the main qualification I want to make before sharing my response. I also want to acknowledged that I hear your desire for resources to help you navigate this situation. As I don't have anything to offer beyond what a few kind people have already mentioned, I'm not going to be putting forth anything like this.

Instead, I want to share a bit of my own experience for whatever this might be worth.

Some years ago, my wife let it be known that she had lost interest in sex. We have not been physically intimate since then - since a while before then, actually. I was confused by this, then hurt, then frustrated. Then I started to use the lack of sex between us as an excuse to 'hit the porn', as you describe it, and more.

To be clear, my wife's announcement did not cause me to become addicted to porn. I did, however, use it to fan the flames of an already existent fire. Like your husband, I complained a lot (mostly to myself) about how my wife could / would not love me the way I wanted and needed. Rather than ever making anything any better, this just kept me falling ever further down the horrible rabbit hole that is this affliction.

At a certain point I came to realize that I had a couple choices here: I could try to accept and appreciate the love that my wife was and is capable of offering me. Or I could keep on complaining about what (I thought was) was missing from my life and spiral ever further out of control. As the latter seemed to offer no hope and the former offered some, I went with acceptance and appreciation. Which is where I am today.

This is not to say I'm very good at either of these things as old habits die hard. But I'm trying and I am clean and, with most every passing day, I realize I actually have a pretty good thing here in this relationship.

I hope your husband is able to get whatever help he needs in order to see what choices lay before him. And I hope he chooses wisely. I also hope that you are continually able to distinguish between the man you love and the addiction that has him in his grips - and to draw clear and meaningful boundaries for all your sakes.

 

I am completely appalled at the treatment from some of you guys. Holy shit.

 

You're watching too many telenovelas, my man...

Nobody really knows what you are referring to, either, but we are forced to assume you were camouflaged in some bush outside their house for 10+ years, since you know more about their relationship than probably even they do.

Most of us, on the other hand, see a woman who tries to keep her family together (thats what women do when family fathers wank uncontrollably). Call it narcissism; I'd call it survival mode.

 

KASE1228. I'm so sorry you have to read stupid comments like star riders. None of this is your fault whatsoever. .. AT ALL. You didn't force him to do the things he did to hurt you, and to make you feel unloved.
Saying that. Also, if he decides to not put the work into his recovery or if he stays in his addiction. This isn't your fault at all either. The only thing you have control over is your recovery. And getting yourself to a better place for your child.

-God , grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change ( his addiction, and how he recovers or if he sticks with it )
- the courage to change the things I can ( YOUR recovery. )
- and the wisdom to know the difference.

I wish you luck in your recovery KASE1228.
And I wish him luck in his as well

 

I am noticing some really unhelpful people in this thread. Now I know, some of you maybe pissed at the lady's decisions but blaming her does not help! The past is the past. We only have control over the future. She came here for advice and not to be judged. That is why Nofap was created in the first place. It was created to help people! not judge them.

KASE1228, I am really sorry for whats happening in your life ma'am. And its not your fault. First of all get your children to a safer place. Stay with them and support them. Secondly, please try to have a deep discussion about this with your husband. Persuade him to become a better person. Try your best. If you try everything and it doesnt work out, unfortunately divorce would be the best course of action. From my life experience, I have learned that there are men that CAN be changed and then there are men that can NEVER be changed. I hope this helped. Good luck.

 

You're not giving advice, you're giving blame. Blame makes things worse.

 

goodbye. You win.

 

You have more wisdom in spite of your age. Don’t let him bother you, not worth it.

 

Jesus Christ dude just shut up. How can a man who's so into 'self improvement' be so bitter? Is your addiction really so bad that the only way you feel good about yourself is to put down someone who's come to this forum for help? Regardless of whether or not your brain is twisted enough to believe what you're saying, what do you hope to gain from saying it? 'im just trying to help her see it from a different angle'. Man shut the f up, no one cares what you have to say, you sad little man. Fix your life before trying to give others advice

 

Looking through your post history, you clearly have a lot of issues to sort out. Maybe go out for a walk or try to make some real friends. It's like you've replaced porn with being a dick on a forum about masturbating. Gain some self awareness. Jesus just reading what you post makes me so sad that someone can have such an obviously fake and fragile confident front

 

Holy shit, you're 38? That's just depressing. I assumed there was a sexually frustrated teenager behind the nonsense you spout. Christ..

 

You don't take hints, do you? No one here agrees with you, no one here likes you or listen to you. And you still ramble on like a damn fool. What "education" did you claim to have again? Law enforcement? Wank Academy? Phd in Misandric Bullshit Keyboard Warfare? Because I am in medicine, and I can tell you, the thing you're doing here is not mentally sound.

A husband that doesn't want monogamy and do not feel like being in a sexual relationship with his wife have the obligation to divorce her and let her be free to pursue her life with someone new. Why are you so into the idea that trapping a woman in a sex and lifeless marriage is ok? Is it some kind of sadistic slave fantasy of yours to deprive someone of what's promised?