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Urgent help needed. On the brink of losing hope from severe PIED.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by shpetim132, Aug 7, 2020.

  1. shpetim132

    shpetim132 Fapstronaut

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    I'm a 22 year old male from the UK who has been suffering from PIED since 2016. My journey of PMO started back in the summer of 2009 when I was just 11 years old. I remember PMOing for the first time and it was the most insane feeling I ever got. From the summer of 2009 up until the summer of 2016 I was an extreme consumer of daily porn, PMOing maybe even up to 5 times a day. By the late times, the type of porn I was watching was not normal pornhub, but extreme content such as facebashed and hardcore porn. I slowed down my porn use and masturbation in the summer of 2016 when I got into my first relationship with a beautiful older woman (27). And I remember her laying on the bed waiting for me, and that night I was so excited to lose my virginity to her however physically I could not achieve even a 1% boner to save my life. My penis was virtually dead. I felt so embarrassed that I was determined to find out what the problem was. Then a day or two later I came across NoahBeChurch on Youtube and remember crying listening to his videos talking about the ramifications of PMO and how it affects individuals and it felt like you were talking about my life. So from that moment I had abstained from PMO for a week or 2 without even realizing I had to but now that I knew what to do to cure my severe PIED, I refrained from PMO for another 3 weeks to try and gain my erection back. And within these 3 weeks I was meeting my girlfriend a couple times a week, rewiring so we could hopefully have sex. The first few attempts were failures however after some time we were able to have sex but it was of low quality and short in duration, but there was a slow gradual improvement.

    After these 3 weeks however we broke up with each other, and I was depressed and back to PMO. And ever since then it's been a constant fight with PMO where I've always relapsed and failed. I don't think I've ever gone longer than 19 days without PMO. And for the past 4 years, I have slowly but gradually decreased my consumption of porn (especially in 2020) but have masturbated and orgasmed as always (from study stress etc.). I have also kissed 2 different girls on 2 separate dates in 2018 and 2019 but they were not relationships. So for the last 4 years it's safe to say I have been suffering from severe PIED and low self esteem. But on the 28th of July 2020 (6 days ago), I made a promise to myself that I am never going to turn back to PMO ever again or even MO alone, and I MO'd on the 4th of August and since then have lost hope, but I have been clean and keep going.

    My question is, why am I not seeing improvements in my PIED after cutting down on porn drastically in 2020 or could it be that MO'ing affects recovery a lot? Could it be that I'm stuck with this condition forever?

    Also based on my story, how long would you say it would take me to recover, I don't want to hear "it's different for each person". Just give me a near-enough accurate estimation based on my story?
     
    drkarim likes this.
  2. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

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    No one can truly say how long it will take, however based on what you described it sounds like you have never gotten past three weeks with out PMO. And in that three weeks you were able to have sex. Poor quality sex but sex none the less. This alone should tell you there is hope, three weeks is no time on this Journey after years of intense PMO.

    I would say in three to six months you should see good progress. You should start with the recommended 90 day reboot. This means no porn, no masturbation, no orgasm. After that I would only advise orgasm if and only if it occurs with a partner during sex. I would not advise having any hand jobs either, the reason being is that your hand also desensitizes your penis to the feel of a vagina. A hand is course and rough by comparison.

    Finally, remember this journey is about consistency. From my experience it is easy to revert back to a state of PIED if you start back watching porn. You brain has been conditioned to the stimulation porn provides so a relapse reinforces what is the established pattern for your brain. In my experience, it is beneficial to remove yourself from any scenario which can act as a trigger. For me these include Social Media (IG Especially), and group chats where it is normal for persons to post explicit or sexual material. Essentially you do not want the temptation of sexual media. This can lead you back to porn.

    If your internet service provider offers content filtering services and can block porn from making its way to your home, that will be a good help. If you are a PC user you can also use a program called Kurupira, this is a web filter and does a really good. Please note their customer support sucks as its a free app. If you have a friend you can trust I recommend you have them set the app and the password up and don't tell you the password. If you know the password, you will enter it and watch porn.

    From my experience, after six months my sex drive and response to women is a lot better. But remember even small amounts of PMO for us is a set back. With that said don't be discouraged by failure, the only way to being better is to stay the course.
     
    drkarim and clapas like this.
  3. shpetim132

    shpetim132 Fapstronaut

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    Hello Deyson, thank you so much for your reply and reassurance. We're all in this journey together. I wanted to ask whether you think my MO habits have been destroying my progress in the past when attempting to reboot? The reason why I ask this is because I feel like I've been in a static position for so long with my PIED irrespective of drastically cutting down on porn this year? Would your advice be to cut out MO fully then?
     
  4. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Yes,mo will hurt progress. That’s why it recommended no p, no m, no o, for at least 90 days. If I were you, I would make that at least 180 days. Give your brain and body a rest. When you mo, you fantasize and desensitize yourself. It took 4-6 months before we saw any improvement with my husband ( we were still intimate/o). Then he did hardmode no pmo at all, made it 52 days had great sex then 50 days before we started really resuming sex. Any time he slips - p,psubs,masturbates it affects his erections.
     
    Freeddom_Taker, drkarim and clapas like this.
  5. shpetim132

    shpetim132 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for the advice "Psalm27:1". I hope this will be a manageable journey for me. So it's only because I've stuck with MO that my progress has been little? It wouldn't be anything else considering I have no medical issues?
     
    drkarim likes this.
  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I believe so. We’ve been told masturbation is “ healthy” but for an addict, it’s just not. I use to believe there was zero wrong with it, but having gone through this with my husband shows me it does have an effect.
     
  7. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

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    I would definitely stay away from MO. Taking a break from all sexual activity really helps in my experience. It is also important to note that as a man you only have so much sexual energy to expend. Every-time you ejaculate it takes away from you and the body needs time to replenish it self. Save your sexual energy for a partner.

    And like I said earlier, your hand really has a negative impact on your penis. Trust me, after you stop masturbating and some time passes you will notice how much better intercourse feels the next time you have sex. Be patient, you will heal. You just need to keep away from the PMO.

    If you can go for a bit without PMO, you will also get a total fall off in your sex drive. This is normal, embrace this and don't get worried. Your sex drive will be back. I say embrace it because it will really help with you taking a step back from porn. You will hear persons refer to this as a flat-line. A flat-line is really helpful in my opinion also, with you not feeling horny it becomes a lot easier to stay away from PMO. Just be warned, when it ends you normally feel very horny and this can often cause you to relapse.

    You will hear persons say you should stay away from sex also, In my personal opinion when you get past that three - six month period without any PMO or Sex it is good to reengage with a real partner. Sex is a basic human need, I believe it is important to start back having sex, sex with a partner should become your new norm. You have been substituting PMO for sex. You will need to go back to what is truly intended i.e. sex between two consenting adults.

    Have you tried Kurupira? If you are like me, you will need something to protect you from yourself. I look at porn like any other addiction, A recovering alcoholic does not keep liquor in the house. So why would a recovering porn addict maintain his access to porn. The ease of access to porn and sexual media is a big part of the problem. You need to get rid of your access. This really helps also.
     
  8. drkarim

    drkarim Fapstronaut

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    Good
     

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