Considering Suicide (no longer)

Earlier this year I decided over one weekend that I’d leave and wouldn’t return. I rented a small room among many other rooms containing other students inside a student housing place with access to a communal kitchen, communal bathroom and coin laundry. On first inspection the place was clean and seemed normal. On the first day I was supposed to move in the place was filthy with dead cockroaches in the cupboards and stank like pesticide and gross carpet. Even with all of the windows open the room stank terribly. The kitchen was also gross, unwashed pots and pans left on the counters (which I was supposed to use to cook) and I had a tiny locker where I could put my cooking stuff. You couldn’t even fit a plate inside it. Everyone was in their rooms all day and night in fear they’d catch coronavirus from the others by going out of their rooms. Upon my mum calling me and telling me that I couldn’t live there I went back home. I had to break the lease and lost the month’s rent and bond. That was after an intense email legal dispute, I was prepared to take them to court as the didn’t landlord fulfil their legal obligation to ensure a reasonably clean apartment. The mistakes made were acting too fast and not thinking it through, lack of a driver’s license to buy groceries, no kitchen and bathroom, no laundry and no washing machine to wash dishes. So the point of this paragraph is that I need to plan everything out to the last detail otherwise I will be back here in this prison. As long as I don’t have a driver’s license I have no freedom to go where I want: I can’t buy clothes, go to shops, buy groceries or go to the doctor. This stage 4 lockdown ends on September 13 which is in 27 days. I have 14 hours of driving experience. In order to do my test I need to know how to drive perfectly. That will likely take 50 hours of experience driving to fulfil that. So 4 lessons per week for 9 weeks will get me 50 hours. So that puts me at November 17 when I get my license, assuming driving lessons are permitted by the government and driving tests are resumed and not stopped by Vicroads (road authority). I own a car so when I get my license I will be able to buy groceries and all other items. That leaves the lack of a job. My mum’s boss is offering me an IT job but I need to be ready to take it. I can’t rely on public transport. For other jobs I can’t go and apply for jobs and then when it comes time to go to the interview or go to work I have to rely on my narcissist to drive me. Riding a bike would be risky as people get road rage as soon as they see a cyclist, I would become a death statistic at the wrong place and time. I can’t carry groceries on a bike. Going to work by walking/riding and buying groceries I would not be able to continue from exhaustion after one day combining university study as well. I am at the mercy of the government.

 

Can't relate. I slept rough and moved to the other side of the world to escape my messed-up family dynamic.

Best of luck with everything, though.

 

To each his own.

I’m looking for a job while waiting to get my driver’s license. I like to think things through carefully to the end to minimise risk as homelessness can lead to very bad and dangerous things happening. I’ll get out of this my way. Good luck to you too

 

Yeah, homelessness is a last resort, although technically you're homeless if your name isn't on the lease/mortgage papers. It's not the same thing as being roofless, so you're probably already homeless, legally speaking.

One thing that helped prise me out of the domestic situation for the final time was exposing implicit contracts by asking for what I was already getting. This sparked an interaction that made explicit the material-energetic/control quid pro quo. Just something to consider.