35 and older accountability, Group 2

Relapsed Wednesday so now is day 2.
I started reading the 30 days sobriety solution and it seems it will be helpful.
I had some success in other areas so I feel grateful

 

Day 3.

Low energy today but it's been a hard week at work. Reading books has helped me stay offline and allowed me to focus.

 

Good book? Keep fighting.

I relate. I was drained at end of my work week. Had to really make self care a priority last night. It’s so tough when work doesn’t leave us much.


Checkin: hanging in there and I’m really wanting to hit 14 days. I haven’t done that in a while. It would be nice to hit a goal I haven’t hit in a while.

Question for the group? How much self care is required daily to help you stay sober? My therapist questions why I need to do daily self care to stay sober, I find if I don’t I find it so easy to forget my purpose and slip. She always insinuates that daily recovery time is too much and not sustainable.

 

I suppose it depends on what methods you use for self-care.

Are you neglecting other normal areas of your life in an effort to persevere with nofap?

I wouldn't say I take that much self-care. I try to use the internet less and stay relatively busy. It's also good to recognise lazy patterns of behaviour, as they're usually a precursor to acting out and relapsing.

 

My other life might be okay but I struggle to maintain without daily practice.

 

I can't see why it would be a problem if you're comfortable with it.

 

Yeah it seems like a very good book. I'm only at the beginning though. It has some of the best tools I used for nofap in it: meditation, forgiveness, visualisation,... And it has other tools I don't know about. I'll tell you more about it later

I think daily self care is a must personally. When I had the best streaks, it was when I was spending time EVERY days meditating etc

 

Day 4.

Feeling ok, no real urges.

 

Good weekend and good connection with my wife. Almost to 14 days and it feels good.

 

Do you guys feel like there's a correlation between your streaks and your relationships?

 

Day 5.

Had some thoughts about PMO but overall I'm ok. I think my anger is subsiding but that probably has to do with thinking along more spiritual lines nowadays.

I hope you're all well

 

I don't know about romantic relationships but I generally feel less emotional and much more settled when I'm on a streak.

And my anger subsides in terms of dealing with difficult situations or people.

 

Day 13 - had some stress from work...almost hit the search button for P...literally walked out of the house and left the phone there. But here's a new thing. The wife has always met all of my ideals as far as physical attributes are concerned. I realized that whenever I look at her I can easily (and I think I often do) think...hmmm I like that, in an objectifying way. Jeez I know that's a kinda f'ed up way of thinking about my wife but I do love her and relate to her in more ways than just physically. It's almost like all the P thoughts I used to have (and we all know that sh1t can occupy ALOT of our waking moments brain function) are replaced with physical/sexual thoughts about the wife. I suppose that's better than P, right? And here's another spin, she enjoys my appreciation of her physical attributes like when I am checking her out and complimenting her. She's told me that in previous relationships her partner never noticed her physically so wants my attention like that and is good for ego. Am I replacing online P with a human substitute? Confusing. I guess I am once again trying to figure out managing my sexuality in real life within the space of a committed relationship. Thanks all for listening. Stay strong.

 

If my relationship is doing well and my wife is not a source of stress in my life, it helps me stay sober. And my sobriety also makes her feel good because I show my love, desire, and affection towards her.

I’ve had many a slip after a fight with my wife. I rationalize and soothe after those.

 

I've spent a bunch of time in therapy. I'm shocked that your therapist says this. We are addicts. That means daily self-care and constant vigilance. You are right to maintain your daily practice. Even non-addicts with any interest in personal growth or maintaining a healthy emotional state have a daily routine or spiritual practice. If you want to stay physically fit you work out every day, right?

 

Thanks man. My therapist has been helpful but sometimes I have to check her opinions with others.

 

Day 6 - going ok so far.

 

Day 7 - tired but ok.