Please help. Im addicted to femboys and trans porn

Hi Aterius1,

Trust me: filthiness it's something that grows inside an individual, not outside. You're not gross, you're just confused like we all are or have been. During confusion we do things we would never do just because we think they'll make us feel better. What you've done, doesn't tell you who you are and you're young so you've got plenty of time to live new extraordinary experiences with a caring partner. But everything starts from you, from your own choices.

How about deleting your twitter and grindr account? Why don't you start seeing a psychologist or a counselor? Maybe you have to talk about your HOCD in order to better understand your feelings and your sexual orientation. Besides, consider that many people of your age might experiment similar problems, so have you ever tried finding some specific groups or forums where you can freely talk about your problems? I guess you might give these things a try, what do you think? Moreover, if you're afraid of your thoughts, you might want to learn how to control them. There are many kinds of meditation which could help you being the master of your mind and they're very effective against compulsive disorders.

My friend, if you open up your eyes I'm sure you'll find many new ways which will lead you to a greater happiness. In the meantime, just suspend your judgement, admit your problems, and seek help since seeking help it's the first sign of an upcoming recovery.

Remember that you're fine the way you are,

Be well!

 

Definitely see a therapist if you can or talk to a hotline if you have suicidal thoughts, it will feel so liberating to share that stuff with another person, especially with someone who has experience in sex addiction. Trust me they have seen so much worse and will not judge you in any way. Also if you are realising you have a problem at 17 that's good, you have a lot of time and life left to live and improve. You're not a bad or sick person if you have this self awareness and want to change.

 

Hello brother. I'm here to help. Please know that you're not the only person that has struggled with this. It is a painful struggle
for many men in this modern and confusing world, but I promise you, it's nothing that can't be worked through, and you can move through this. I have been addicted to trans porn for 11 years. I've had sex with about 35 trans prostitutes and I escalated into cross dressing as well. First and foremost let me say, that all of what you are experiencing is OKAY. Most of the pain that we experience from this is because of our perception of it. I ask you now, that you please decide to have radical compassion and forgiveness for yourself and the things that you've done. They DO NOT define you, nor do they determine the man that you can become and the future that you can experience. What is causing your pain right now is fear, and guilt and shame.

Fear: "why is this happening? am I gay? Why can't I stop? Am I going to be like this forever? What if this never stops?" These are obsessive thought loops that fuel and feed themselves. I promise you that it doesn't last forever, and that things can change. One of the most powerful lessons I've ever learnt is: "what you resist, persists." Meaning, the more attention that you give something, the more emotion you feed into it, the greater that force becomes in your life. It is a never ending vortex of manifesting something that you desperately don't want to be experiencing. So in trying to get rid of it, it only presents itself more. So what do you do? Accept it. Say: "It's okay that I'm experiencing this right now. These are just thoughts, they do not define me, and they do not have to determine the rest of my life." It's a strange paradox, but it's true, the less attention that you give something, it will gradually fade away. I promise that it does. If you don't feed the beast, it eventually starves.

Guilt and shame is one of the only true enemies of human beings. The judgment that we have of ourselves. The idea that what we have done is unacceptable, and surely others wouldn't accept us and judge us as well if they knew. As human beings we are all flawed and beautifully imperfect and that is the nature of what we are. I promise you that no person in this world has no fears, regrets, or dirty secrets, it's just hidden. So please know that you're not alone. Every person has their struggle, every person has things they wish to hide from the world. Having compassion for yourself is a true gift. Know that it doesn't matter what you've done, no matter how bad you think it is, you are still worthy of love, of happiness, and finding fulfillment. Life is a series of growing through painful and difficult obstacles. This is what this is, an opportunity to learn, grow, and ultimately become a better human being.

I'd recommend talking to a therapist, just be careful of any that are hysterical or are causing you more fear or discomfort. Someone you can trust and who is understanding will help a lot.

I also want to loop back to the point on fear: "what you resist persists." Essentially you can't try to not focus on your problems. What I did, and what you can do, is shift all your focus and attention to is building a new perspective and a new life. This will paradoxically make your other problems disappear. Focus on your school work, on your relationships. Truly nurture your connections with other people, it will heal you. Even just being there for your friends or a phone call with a loved one can help. Exercise more, focus on sports, on the good things in life. Create a vision of the man that you would like to be, and this will motivate you to take action and build good habits, because you'll have something that you believe is worthwhile pursuing. A positive life with good habits will move you away from porn, and these dark and twisted views that you have of yourself. You will begin to see yourself in the light of who you really are and who you can be. Remember that our past does not define us, we do not have to carry it with us wherever we go. You CAN be different, you CAN have a better life. Focus on the brightness and the potential of your future. I would really recommend that you start meditating. It will quiet most of the crazy thoughts in your head. Your mind will be more peaceful and these thoughts will have less of a hold over you. Repeat to yourself lovingly and quietly: "OM SHANTI" It will bring you some peace.

Most importantly I would recommend helping others on this site. It will take you out of your own consuming thoughts and will make your problems less overwhelming. We overcome our problems by helping others overcome theirs.

So remember: This is not permanent, things can change and get better, fear and guilt are the enemies, and when you work through this you will grow and become a more courageous and compassionate human being that has a true understanding of who he is at his core. God bless my brother. Keep moving forward, you can get through this. If you need to chat more you can PM me no problem! Take care.

 

Hey @aterius1 ,

You can deal with more than one issue at a time. However, having suicidal thoughts - even if only ideation - is a very serious thing.

Don't worry about embarrassment, don't waste time, get to a therapist or call the suicide hotline in your area.

-- D2L
-
..

 

"Admit your problems"?

 

Take a break from porn and masturbation. See if you still like the trans afterwards.

Did you like this person you were kissing? Or was it purely sexual. I'm genuinely curious.

 

Porn problems of course, I wasn't referring to HOCD. My fault, sorry

 

When I was 17 I was on that app too up until I was turning 19. Im 22 now. It's been five years but it feels like an eternity. You'll get over it.
Back then...I had a fetish for destroying other men with my dick. It was pretty twisted. Trust me, I've done a lot of gross things too.

You're still young. You have things to do. Places to go. People to see.
Dont let stupid gay shit get in the way of who you want to become.
These things don't define you. Find forgiveness for yourself.... The minute you accept what you've done, accept the things that have happened to you, accept that these things were meant for you- they will fall through your fingers like sand.

Last year I spent a lot of time worrying about whether or not a girl would ever want me after the things I've done. Turns out they still want me. Hahahahaha. Yes.. life is funny like that. Eventually you will look back at these experiences and they will be a speck on your rearview mirror. All that's left is for you to put your foot on the gas and drive away.

Your freedom awaits.

 

I think the problem is more so with porn.

I don't think there's anything wrong or inherently gross with trans people. They're regular people who don't identify with the gender typically associated with their sex at birth. I don't think it's wrong to be attracted to that, it's what you do with that attraction.

Please try and not feel bad about who you're attracted to.

As someone else said, take a break from the porn and if you're still attracted to them after a good period of time being sober from porn then don't worry about it. It you take a break and realise you're not actually attracted to trans people then that is totally okay too!

 

wow man that was superb ....amazing....thats briliant advice ...its one of the best positive writing i had seen in long time...it show how much eforrt you put to guide a 17 old teeneger.