Crying Wolf with nothing to hide...eyes dried, torrential tears inside

Yes, and this will most likely not be the last time this happens. You have to understand that rebuilding trust will take complete honesty and total transparency and time. There will b setbacks such as this that you have no control over. You are reaping what you have sown. Don’t get defensive and apologize for putting her in a position where she cannot believe you. As you get into recovery and get clean, as she sees that you are being honest, these occurrences will b less and less.

 

I dont know if its right or not, but even if what you are saying is true hear her out. Listen to what she has to say, what she feels an acknowledge those feelings. Becouse even if it was "innocent" she needs to be heard firsthand, more then listen to excuses.

There is a difference in fixing your addiction and relationship, fixing the addiction alone wont fix the two of you. Like i said you need to hear her feelings, and let her know that does feelings matter, that she matters.

A few practical things aswell, read up a bit on betrayal trauma. It could help you understand this situation better and how you can handle it differently next time.

Next thing is to think over if you need an instagram account right now, or would it be better for both your recovery and your relationship if you deleted it for the time being?

 

it's funny how they always seem to think they are "doing everything" they can and jumping through hoops, when the amount of effort they put into feeding their addiction and keeping it protected has already shown us the extremes to which they can really go for something they "want". yet when they "want" to prove that they intend to be honest and accountable, save the relationship, chose us over porn.....it's like their mental faculties are suddenly foggy, they can't navigate what it means to sacrifice the trivial goodies of a moderate lifestyle in order to obtain trustworthiness, integrity and the emotional vulnerability it takes to speak from a loving and caring heartful perspective instead of defending themselves or being upset over their entitlements.

is it just me, or are a lot of PAs kinda like emotionally retarded spoiled brats? does anybody else feel like they are raising a kid?

bro, imagine it were the other way around. would you believe her about the instagram account if she was always lying to you until now? never showed that your feelings mattered more than keeping secrets from you, would you believe her that she had no i phone? seriously, what would go through your mind?

 

my bad, i could have been a little more articulate on the topic. reminds me a lot of what i've been through and it's difficult to sympathize with you. you think it's a challenge to deal with having no trust in the bank to ride on? imagine it as the person who invested their life savings with the bank and within a couple years, the bank burned through it all. now you're at a loss because you didn't know a bank could just spend all your money and not be liable. when the bank asks you to start a new savings account and trust them with your only remaining spare change .....you really want to risk it?

 

I would say this is true in general. Many people once they get addicted to porn at whatever age that is 8-14 ish get stuck there and never learn how to process emotions and feelings. So we have 30-40-50 year olds who are operating at an 8-14 year old emotional capacity. I've been processing this lately and have recognized that I'm still operating like a 12 year old emotionally in many ways.

 

i surmise that this is due in part to living in a society that basically cushions men from having to strive to be anything better than their whims and consumerism. we are a society of addicts and the most sought after ones are the white males cause that's where the wealth lies. so we have a market based create-demand-to-supply culture and self-gratification nation operating at full force....but its destroying us and leeching out the ineffable truths.

 

or whatever.

i used to hate on women a lot but i now see that it's a destructive duet of both genders flushing down the same toilet.

 

This episode of my favorite podcast really clarifies how this issue can be approached in a way that works.