My Recovery Journey

I thought it would be good and beneficial to me to post daily in this thread about how my recovery is going. Would help me to have another outlet in talking about temptations. Also, maybe someone would be encouraged as I am by many of your stories.

This is Day 2 right now, with day 1 already under my belt and day 3 to start at 5:30 today. So far I'm doing okay. Haven't looked at any images or anything like that which could cause pmo. I actually haven't watched porn since Wednesday and it was doing MO to provacative images and videos that caused me to join NoFap. Was starting to become frustrated by my constant failures. And I know as a believer I'm called to live above dishonor. So far the only thing I'm struggling with is my thoughts which I want to lift up to the Lord in prayer. In short not as terrible as it could be thank God.

 

Thanks brother!

 

Thanks bro!

 

Day 2 is finished, currently on Day 3 which will finish at 5:30 today. Im struggling with my thoughts and that's about the only thing that's been propagated on purpose. Any images on the internet I ran into completely by accident and thank the Lord didn't dwell on them. I did also run into images while watching a movie with my girlfriend. We didn't know it was going to have them, but thankfully she was there to keep me accountable. I expect to get to day 3 no problem since I'm at work right now and will be here most of the day. Mostly I just think I may have problems tonight. But if I take the necessary precautions, get some work done, don't play video games too long, and spend time in the word I should be fine

 

She does. It's something I wanted her to know I was struggling with before we started dating. We're in celebrate recovery together!

 

Day 3 completed yesterday and Day 4 will be completed while I'm at work today. I'd say in terms of thoughts yesterday was easier than the day before. I work in a gym part time so keeping control over my eyes is never an easy fear. Thankfully I've been switched to a different site that gets less traffic which should help, also I'll be a bit busier at this site which should help my thoughts. Yesterday was also great when my girlfriend and I hung out. Over the summer we got a bit lazy with our dates which would lead to us crossing boundaries. We've both decided to stop kissing for a while and to put more creativity into our dates. Lo and behold I had bought a pack of blank white cloth masks earlier, so we decorated masks after eating dinner. She really appreciated that and honestly I really did to. My biggest temptations will probably come tomorrow so I'll worry about it then.

 

I made it to Day 4 with no problems. Unfortunately I relapsed into MO that night and what I call "gateway stuff". Gateway stuff isn't porn but suggestive videos of models, try on hauls you can watch on YouTube. Basically stuff that isn't porn because there's no sex and most of the time they aren't naked. I haven't watched porn in nearly a week and still haven't. But I know I have to be wary of using gateway stuff with MO cause 1. I use it the same way I use porn. And 2. It's still not something I want to bring into my future marriage. I've been wondering for a while now if it's time to hang up youtube for good (primary gateway temptation) cause as much as I like watching gaming videos it seems more trouble than it's worth.

A prayer was answered though. Historically I don't feel as bad or guilty when I watch gateway stuff and MO. I prayed and asked the Lord for it to affect me the same way watching porn does and I think it did. I not only felt awful but had several dreams of me fighting to not watch porn. And I knew I was being affected just as much.

So what I'm going to do is keep tracking my victory of not watching actual porn. But also track victory of Gateway stuff. What will be PMOG.

 

Thanks brother! Appreciate the encouragement

 

Well Day 1 of no MO and G is complete. With day 8 of no P to conclude by 12:30. I am getting to the point where I'm tempted to watch porn itself. Experiencing some of that this morning. But I'll be fine as I have to be at work soon. Another day of being busy all day so again should experience no issues until I get home and the day is done.

 

Glad you overcame through christ brother. I'm really hoping to get through tonight. I'm going home tomorrow to see my family for labor day weekend so I should be good.

 

Good news. I got through last night. No stumbling at all and in large part thanks to my girlfriend asking me if I was okay. I thank God that she had the courage to do that. Unfortunately this morning brought such a bad feeling over me. I was supposed to meet my girlfriend at 7 for breakfast. But I slept right through my alarm and woke up around 7:24. I felt like such a jerk, that's the first time I've done something like that. I was pretty tired but so was she so it just doesn't feel like I'm excused here which I'm not. Anyway, that prompted a temptation of emotion for me. I haven't acted out and I don't think I will, but man do I feel terrible. She hasn't made me feel worse, she's been quite gracious to me. But still she's my girlfriend and she deserves so much more from me than this.