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My first time sharing

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by MJG11, Sep 3, 2020.

  1. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    New to this forum and to the NoFap. A couple days ago my SO found out that I had been lying and DMing other girls. From there it led to her asking what else I was hiding. That led me to shariNo that I had been actively watching P as well as pleasing my self. Naturally she was heartbroken and distraught. Her feelings change through out the day. Sometimes she is mad, then sad, then disgusted, and still contemplating if she wants to be with me or not, as this might be an issue if we were ever to get married.

    My whole life I have been trying to fight this battle of pleasing myself and lusting over girls. At the same time I’m glad that this thing I have been fighting by myself in the darkness is now out in the light. I don’t know if we are going to stay together or not. But I know that I need to get healthy for myself with or without her and for whoever my wife will be.

    My goal is to get a point to where I no longer have to watch P, or please myself to other women. I look forward to my journey ahead.

    I find it very awesome to also be able to share my thoughts and journey on here.
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2020
  2. Decadent8

    Decadent8 Fapstronaut

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    I'm not so good inspirer, just the guy who is struggling too) Stay strong and good luck!;)
     
    MJG11 likes this.
  3. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    Let’s defeat this!
     
  4. Welcome to nofap and good luck on your journey. It isn't easy but the rewards are worth it.
     
    MJG11 likes this.
  5. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    It’s been about 5 days of being clean. I can feel my body feel a little anxious or like it’s needing something. Yesterday I went bought some natural energy boosters to keep me focused during work and through out the day.

    Anything that you guys use to get energy throughout the day ?
     
    The Passenger likes this.
  6. Sounds a bit like you are experiencing withdrawals. The anxiety is probably your brain trying to get you to pmo. A lot of us used pmo to deal with anxiety as an escape mechanism which actually compounds the problem and makes it worse.

    If this is your first time it will pass eventually. Try eating healthy, exercising and putting effort into other self improvement things. This usually helps me. Good luck!
     
    Ngo27 likes this.
  7. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    It’s been a week since my last time M. It’s also been about a month since I last time I watched P. It feels very good and it’s been like a lot of weight has been lifted of my shoulders. My SO is having a hard time, knowing the truth when she ask for details. Like who I would do it to, when I would do it, the last time I did it, did I ever do it when she was around. So that’s what we are working through as of right now.
     
  8. Hello there... :)
    Welcome to the community... :)

    [​IMG]
     
  9. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    Today is a tough day. Back in August I came clean to my GF about struggling with PMO and it hurt very much. After that happened I took the necessary steps to get healthier and overcome PMO. I was checking this forum daily learning from others experiences and gaining a lot of support. I also took up meeting with a therapist and opened up to my friends and family about my struggles.

    In October I relapsed after a fight we had, and felt super terrible and ashamed. And since then have relapsed 5- 6 times for M in about a 3 month span. My girlfriend would always ask me if I did it again and out of shame and fear of the consequences I would tell her No. she asked me again last night and I came clean again. She was very upset, hurt and emotionally distraught. More upset that I lied to her and kept it for so long.

    Today she also informed me that we were lo longer together. So here I am again trying to take the necessary steps to become healthy and win this. I underestimated this and here I am back at square 1. I will be better and beat this and hopefully praying that her and I can reconcile.
     
    Jillchill likes this.
  10. Jillchill

    Jillchill Fapstronaut

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    I've been here about 24 hours and i already feel stronger and better. I wish you success and i hope you draw strength from this community as i already have. And....

    ...GO LAKERS!!!
     
    MJG11 likes this.
  11. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    Thats right go Lakers!!!

    Today I feel stronger and better, just checking in on this website helps a lot and looking to join the weekly accountability calls as I think it would be beneficial. Couple months ago I took away things that were triggering like Twitter and deleting people that would post provocative photos and videos. After that not being enough today I have completely deleted FB and have only kept my business profile. I also have removed Instagram from my Phone, laptop, and iPad. I can only use instagram from my work computer that is monitored but want to stay off for a couple weeks.

    Me and my girlfriend broke up yesterday so I can work these things out. Even though it is very hard to think about not going to see her family and her during xmas, I believe everything happens for a reason.

    I was feeling very down and depressed. But I know I have to stand in my own mess and fight the good battle. I am hoping for the best that one day God brings us together, but if not I still need to get better for my future self.

    Looking to get back into fitness and continue working hard at my job.
     
  12. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    Happy Sunday,

    It's been a good last couple of days since my last relapse. I have deleted most social media and have just kept instagram on my work computer but contemplating deleting that as well. Also deleted Instagram as that's what I find the most triggering. Looking to get back into fitness and just being healthier mentally, physically, and spiritually.

    Haven't spoken to my SO in a couple days as we are on break and hoping to get back together. I have not reached out, and if anybody knows the best way to handle something like this please let me know.

    Heard. great message today about being Pro-active and not reactive to spiritual battles. I look forward to fighting today so I can win tomorrow.
     
  13. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    Today I spent most of my day focused at work, it took me a little while to get my wheels turning. Went to go get my Starbucks like I usually do. I am trying to take back control of my thoughts and eyes. It starts off with what my eyes look at, so as I move through public and being out, I want to be disciplined in what my eyes are looking at. When women are walking past, I want to be able to not check them out, and to not even think any sexual thought as I want to leave that only for my wife.

    I also have not have had instagram the last couples days which I think has been the healthiest part for me, as that was the biggest trigger. Instead of I been able to use that time to read a book as well as read scripture.

    After a conversation with my girlfriend/ex we came to the conclusion that I need to take my ownership and this problem more serious, which I thought I was. But looking back I need to try harder than I did the first time, as it did not work. So to start I called my best friend tonight to let him know what had happened, and to be my accountability partner moving forward and I would be his. It was a great conversation, and we thought of a couple things that we could do to keep busy after work and down times.
    The best part is that we agreed as long as we keep the conversation going between us, it would be the best method to not let this creep up on us.

    We win in numbers

    John 16:33
    I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world
     
  14. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    Was able to wake up earlier than usual today, and get into scripture before work. I was able to get into a devotional today that helped a lot, and talked about eliminating temptation instead of just trying to be cautious for it. It definitely started my day better, which led into a more positive start to work as well. Looking to try that again tomorrow morning.

    Earlier on in the day I also subscribed to the App Coventent eyes that will be tracking my phone activity and sending reports daily to my friend the next day. I did not really want to subscribe to it as I am pretty frugal to begin with already. But I know having this on my phone and across my devices is worth it, in the long run. Visiting P sites was never a problem, but seeing anything across social media would always trigger, and even though I don't have social media, I see this as a benefit to eliminating any temptation.

    I had a late lunch today after some meetings took place, for lunch I went on a run which was very nice to be able to listen to worship music and burn some calories. I have to stay active during lunch, whether its running, or grabbing a book and reading at a close by coffee shop. The time I usually would relapse was during my lunch break, when I was tired and wanted to just lay down and would start scrolling on my phone as well as being home alone.

    I had no urges today, as I kept pretty busy all day, then went over to my sisters to watch a movie. It was pretty nice to actually watch a movie and not be on my phone, as my phone is pretty much useless now other then texting and making calls haha.

    Other then that I was pretty excited to get home and journal, as I find it very relaxing to be able to write my thoughts on this page. My next goal is to look for a counselor as well, whether through an online app or one that recommended.

    Pretty tired today, but feeling hopeful.
     
  15. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    Started of the day a little later than usual and slept in a little. Made it in time for my 7 am meeting but did not have time to read Scripture as much as I would like to before work starts. So that is definitely something that I am going to be looking for improving moving forward.

    This morning went I went to Starbucks to get my usually cup of coffee, as I was getting in my truck there was a women walking to in that I automatically was drawn to check out, but instead got my car and faced forward and did not turn. It was a moment I was a little proud and felt good to have control over my thoughts and eyes. It's crazy how it's become such a second nature to check out another female.

    For lunch I drove to in-n-out to reward myself because it was Wednesday. Got my food and ate in in the back of my truck which felt very nice and the weather was a plus. Also got to talk to my girlfriend a little bit, as we talked about something I sent her for Christmas. A little nervous as when I get gifts for someone I hope they like them, and she did! It was the highlight of my day to speak to her shortly and to hear her reaction of the lamp I got her.

    Work was long and ran over an hour, but it was well worth it as I got 3 sales today. From there my sister, her husband, and my friend came over to decorate the xmas tree and watch xmas movies. So it was a night well spent.

    Super tired again today, feel low on energy, and that's why I probably got a little urge. But picked up my laptop and started writing on here, as this would be the best and only option. Looking forward to skipping my early morning optional meeting and sleeping in and energizing tmrw.
     
  16. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    Not much to report today, it was great to be able to wake up a little later then usual definitely felt re-energized. I was looking forward to weekly accountability calls on this website and got the time zones mixed up, so a little bummed about that. The app I purchased to keep accountable did not work, so asked for a refund and deleted it, that's the second one I have tried so far.

    I also still have not found a counselor and the one that I called yesterday was already full with clients until January.

    So I guess not a lot of improvement today, or at least I expected more wins today. I guess the only win today is that I continued my streak and I will celebrate that.
     
  17. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    It has been a couple days since I posted, and I need to make this a daily a habit to start or end my day. The last 2 days been really busy but also been really good. On Friday I went over to my sisters to hang out with my friends and watch movies, which was very relaxing after a stressful day at work. Yesterday I went to go purchase my car, I usually get very affordable cards and switch every couple years. This time I wanted to get something that would last me a very long time.

    I haven't had any urges, in the last 2 day. Except when I woke up today, the feeling of buying a big car and maybe not being able to pay it one day, or thought of people thinking I wasn't finacially responsible really stressed me out. So I had an urge this morning to M, I guess it was to take away the stress and relax. So instead of doing that, I am here typing this thought this morning, which is a way better alternative, about to get ready for the day go to church and a hike.
     
  18. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    Woke up super later for work, which also doesn't allow me to do the things that I need to do in the morning. I need to be more disciplined in that area, so I can invest in myself before I take on the day ahead. I want to read scripture more, pray, and sit in silence before I get started. Wednesday are tough to as I technically should start at 6AM, instead of 7AM.

    In the last couple of days, I have been able to open to my friend more as well as to my brother in law. We started a group text where we can keep each other accountable at various times of the day. Where we struggle individually, so that's been refreshing I send how I am feeling or what I am doing even if they don't respond. The only way I lose this time if I let the conversation stop.

    Though I am technically single, I still want to be faithful in thoughts and emotions, to the girl I'm praying to get back with.
    No urges today, but I did run a lot of errands around my house today during lunch. It was difficult to not check women out, I went to the mall to buy my dad a gift at an athletic store where there is mostly women. So was making a very conscious and hard effort to keeping my mind on what I came to do.

    Also not the happiest with my health right now, as I feel very healthy and pushing close to my highest weight of 245 soon and at 240 right now. I work about 10-12 hours a day, and after work usually relax. There is no excuse and I really need to find time to fit in physical activity throughout the day.

    Ended the night with a conversation with my SO and caught up on our day, as well as this subject.
     
  19. MJG11

    MJG11 Fapstronaut

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    Hello everybody wanted to check in,

    Been off the forum for a while, as I do want to be on this forum everyday but I do want to take things that I have been learning and put it to work every single day of my life. Super thankful for the creators and everybody that has encouraged me every step of the way.

    Currently on the longest streak that I have ever had in my life and it feels so good. Ive never felt so free in my life. But I know this is a long life battle and preparing for the battles that are to come is essential. If you are reading this, its worth it to keep fighting everyday and to get free from the slavery of sexual sin that the enemy wants to wrap us in.

    I started doing the conquer series that was recommended from a friend of church, and something that stuck out to me today was that they mentioned that part of fighting this, is the need to help other fight it as well. So I am looking forward to never letting this conversation die, and to help my family, and friends fight this as well.
     
    Azzure and namelesswanderer like this.
  20. still_at_it

    still_at_it Fapstronaut

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    That is incredibly tough.. My SO recently broke up with me as well. Not directly because of this, but rather because of how complacent I've gotten since I've getting more addicted to PM.

    Wishing you all the best!
     

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