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Having gay thoughts/fantasies (trigger warning)

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by nature_boi007, Aug 29, 2020.

  1. nature_boi007

    nature_boi007 Fapstronaut

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    I will add that I switched to furry porn and started to notice the male anthropomorphic characters more often as my addiction adopted an addictive character. Before that, I thought anything gay was disgusting.
     
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  2. The fundamental truth about gay sex is that it's cheap thrills. There's no committment involved. Essentially, in being used, your body and lizard brain get to feel like a princess. You don't have to do any of the work, you don't have to give the attention, you don't have to expend your life force through the sex act. You don't have to build up status and career to attract a mate, you don't have to care for offspring. You don't have to look after your appearance beyond maybe brushing your teeth and hosing out your asshole, you don't have to care for the guy's emotions - you don't even care about asking his name. And the truth is the physical sensation isn't ever what the addicted part of your brain is telling you it will be. Which is why it's an addiction.

    I don't want to say any more, because this site is sex-positive and I don't want to get into value judgements. Just stop watching any kind of porn, because call it your addict brain or call it demonic possession, every time you watch porn you're feeding things you don't want to feed.
     
  3. Yeah I went through the same shit. You will find a bunch of 30+ yrs old wanting to dick you down. But when you're young.. you dont get it. You dont ask yourself? Or have the wherewithal to truly ponder why a man of advanced age and experience would want to use and abuse a young boy. Of course there are people your age that you can mess around with- but that's a whole other can of worms I don't feel like discussing.

    Yeah you might be trying to unpack why you want a dude with a huge dick to mess you up- but have you ever wondered what would be running through that guy's head who would be doing that to you? Because I've been that guy (I was the opposite of you, I was seeking out guys to use and abuse) and its utterly carnal. It's as if you're eating human flesh. I was definitely sick and blinded by the pleasure that comes with abusing men. I wasn't doing anything like tying them up or some bdsm or anything, just putting my dick in them, and that alone is honestly awful and disgusts me now when I think about it. No matter which way you slice it- you're destroying that person's body. You dont love somebody you're willing to destroy for your own personal pleasure. Dont let the media fool you...

    It's a dark world we live in, you know? Ready to chew you up and spit you out. Dont end up like I did, sitting on the balcony of some rich dudes penthouse, smoking a joint, completely devoid of life and empty in the eyes because you fucked your way to the pits of hell.

    It's been a couple years (stopped buying into the illusion I was gay at 18, I'm turning 22 this year) and my recovery from that life has been astronomical. My attraction to women has completely recovered; albeit the idea of marrying a woman is frustrating to me, I grew up in a household full of "grown, independent women" so I guess inwardly I have a fear I'll end up marrying a woman like that and I'll end up hating her, but honestly as I write this... I'm just so grateful these are the issues I'm working through instead of the mental and physical destruction I went through trying to be gay.

    Though I still have memories of the life I lived and the experiences Ive had (which come back swinging when I pmo! When I was on a 90+ day streak those memories were nowhere to be found) I'm not worried at ALL about it... its not something I have to "work on". You'll hear other guys say that they're still struggling and I get it. Im not saying this to brag, as I'm sure everyone has their journey or whatever, but... if you ever want to know how I kicked it, just direct message me and I'll tell you.

    Anyways, kid... Just... don't do it. That's really all I can say. There are probably other issues you have going on because these things tend to travel on a consistent pattern in almost every part of your life... you're on nofap. That says it all. If you have to be nofap inquiring about it... dont you think that's a good sign that something is truly amiss? And other people are saying it's a good idea to go seek a counselor or therapist... yeah. I'm sure it is. But at 17, (I'm assuming) you're still under the car of your parents. Its embarrassing to tell them these stuff. BUT!! Actually. If you feel like its """"safe enough"""... tell your parents. I'm telling you. If you know they won't completely freak the hell out. Tell them. Hoooooly. When I told my parents I was struggling with masturbation, porn, I was out abusing grown men and I didn't wanna be like that anymore (and I was like.. 18/19 at the time I told them) it was crazy the weight that came off my shoulders...

    I dont know... you say you feel like there's nothing wrong. I remember when I was like that. Used to be disgusted, then one day it just didn't disgust me. Man... I really hope you get through this... I get so sad reading these posts sometimes.
    Anyway. Hope you find your way out of this...
     
  4. Emanuil

    Emanuil Fapstronaut

    Hey men, I’ve just read your post. I had this illusion that I’m gay for some time and I felt this what you were writing about in a way, but my experience was not as powerful and as authentic as yours. This "carnal" and "flesh eating" part interest me the most! I might have some questions. Hope you don't mind me sending you direct msg.
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2020
    determinedtoquit likes this.
  5. You don't talk like you're guessing. You preach, and you make a lot of assumptions about people. And as soon as you're confronted about it you backpedal and lie. Very intellectual.
     
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  6. nature_boi007

    nature_boi007 Fapstronaut

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    Oh for sure. So far I'm doing well, and have noticed the slightest decrease in this behaviour, however, I still harbour no attraction to girls yet.
     
  7. Belching_Booch

    Belching_Booch Fapstronaut

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    I've literally crossed every boundary. Things that would've disgusted me a year or two ago, started to excite me. Gay stuff is vanilla for me at this point. This is why I'm on this mission, need a cleanse. Been much better over the past two months.
     
  8. I feel for you. I had the same thoughts as you many years ago, and what used to disgust me, eventually never did so and used to really turn me. After that I thought I was gay. Plus just about every day I would fap to porn.

    I found the sex with other men overrated, because after the sex act was over I would constantly feel empty.

    (As I see now, all the experiences I had with guys, in the end it was not truly worth it)

    After I really got into the act of abstaining from porn, and the longer I did, the desires I had due began to decline. It did not take over night, but gradually.

    I wish you well on your journey.
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2020
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  9. Glad to read this - I find it personally encouraging!
     
  10. Being gay is not an illness. Addiction to porn is and it is progressive. It eventually leads to unwanted sexual behaviour that can take many on different forms. If you want to know your true sexuality then abstaining from porn might give you the answer.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2020
    Baowistop and oretna like this.
  11. I hope my experience helps, but not too long ago I was encountered by a man who found me really attractive.
    I have had curiosity before on what it would be like to be with another man or even feel. I kinda liked the attention, he kept messaging me over and over. He offered me $50 to suck my dick. I was a bit confused and shocked by what he said. He gave me his address and it was literally on my way to work. I don't know why I fell in. But I went to his house, he took me into his room, and well I WAS UNCOMFTORABLE AS HELL. He was cool and all but I'm there to get my dick sucked by a man. He put on porn of a girl giving head so i can watch and put a blanket over him. I ending up cumming for the first time off a blow job. I was hard and this guy swallowed it ALL. shocked and impressed. (it was probably the best blowjob I've gotten out of the 4 or 5 girls that have given me one.) Anyways the point of the story is this was some gay shit that I did. However after that experience while I was eating my burger from the money he gave me lol, I realized 100% that I was not gay at all. I feel more straight and attracted to women than ever before after that experience. Kinda crazy advice but go experience some gay shit and see what your mind and heart tells you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 24, 2020
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  12. Little Prince

    Little Prince Fapstronaut

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    No need to overthink this, it's just P addiction messing with you. Sexuality is based only on what you're attracted to, in your case women so you're straight. This happens to many, including me. If you do no PMO for a while these thoughts will be less invasive and you'll be more like yourself.
    Sadly if you return to PMO they'll be right back as you left them and just get worse.

    Potential trigger warning below:
    _________________________

    I suppose I'm lucky I only got as bad as buying an expensive transwoman doll and trying it out and looking at trans escorts online. I'm not interested in women and I think about having sex with guys and pre op trans women. I have the strength to not look for them but really if an attractive trans woman approached me I'd say yes despite knowing that I'm straight and that I will lose interest in men and trans women in a few months again as my latest no PMO gets longer...
     
    oretna likes this.
  13. oretna

    oretna Fapstronaut

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    Kool! So in a few months of noPMO you do get from mostly/exclusively ssa to straight? Happened before, maybe repeatedly?
     
  14. Little Prince

    Little Prince Fapstronaut

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    It's what's been happening to me. As I start watching P I get into the idea of being with trans women and then plainly men but as I do noPMO I start to also think about being with women and eventually only women.

    I can't say it's simple because after viewing P I become attracted to children, not the prepubescence pedo kind but still, too young. This doesn't go away unless I do a lot of noPMO.
    (Only curvy attractive children that look like young women even if they clearly aren't and no I don't intend to act on this).

    I should have gotten the hint many years ago that P was the problem but there is so much misinformation that I kept blaming myself, thinking there's something wrong with me that I just can't figure out.

    Good luck mate.
     
    oretna likes this.
  15. oretna

    oretna Fapstronaut

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    Sounds kool! I never thought I could get rid of my unwanted ssa thru no PMO.
     
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  16. Everything is in the mind. Just remember that. PMO is a mind game. So is unwanted ssa. If you truly believe that you can be free from pmo, the more steps you walk away from it, the farther behind you it will get, but you have to walk it out. It's the same thing with unwanted ssa. Dont try to run. Walk.
    Sry if this came across as imposing. I just hate to see the condemnation crew foaming at the mouth and babbling about how "they're giving false hope and promoting homophobia!!!111"
     
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