I RELAPSED AFTER 1 YEAR & 5 MONTHS BUT THERE ARE SEVERAL NOTICEABLE DIFFERENCES

I just viewed porn and masturbated , but because I've Ben clean for a long time , there is a difference , i don't feel low energy or frustrated after climax , it was normal porn like man banging a woman missionary style not like sadistic torture horse banging dominatrix transsexual ahahhahahahahahaha , and most of all i don't feel guilty or bad about myself or feel like a looser because i know that this a milestone achievement on my journey to have come this far and that this relapse is a step up in my recovery process , next goal is to go for 2 years hard mode , no porn , NoFap , no edging , the only seamen that would be released is during wet dreams , and then after 2 years have actual real life sex with a human female creature that i share an intimate connection with and that has awesome personality, lol

 

Thanks for the motivation Bro, and being present to the moment is all i can do to not be overwelmed with compulsive thoughts which usually leads to sexual thoughts

 

Welcome to the community Bro , we're your soul family
Q1. No, i didn't have any Porn Blocker weather on my phone or Labtop during the whole period, because after the first 5 or 6 months of being clean the urge or craving to watch porn was completely out of my system to the point that i was alone at the house for entire days and i didn't even have one thought about viewing porn or ressisting those thoughts.
Q2. The flatline syndrome occured for me after the first 2 weeks and it lasted for 4 days then the time frame kept increasing from there like the next flate line came like after a month from the first flatline and it also lasted for a few days then the next flat line after that came after 2 months from the second flatline and it lasted for a couple of days then after 3 and a half months every thing was improving pysichly mentally and spiritually , ofcourse i was still experiencing challenging days and bad moods but it wasn't like sevear sucidal depression Lol
Q3. That is an Excellent quistion, it was actually an acumilation of several things , the mental relapse started around a couple of months before the pysichal relapse when i discovered this new singer called Dua Lipa and devoloped an unhealthy obsission with her, i started listening to her songs every day and watching all her music videos (wich all contain audotury and visual provokotiv sexual content) and then i started following her social media , and watch pictures of her in an obssosive porn-like manner , it wasn't like naked pictures of her or anything, she was fully dressed but my behaviour was really creepy and preverted , like thinking oh i want her hot sensual lips sucking on my dick head and kissing my balls , things like that hahaha, then everything started to go downhill from there during thos 2 months , i broke my healthy diet and started eating pizza and chips and chokolet and drinking soda , then i developed a habit of sitting on the computer at night before bed , and i stopped working out at home during that time , then one day after having pizza at night while sitting on the labtop i got a yaahoo sugesstion of Dua Lipa's new stunning photos revealed (the singer i was obsessed with) , so i opened it and i wish i didn't , it was pictures of her in a explicit bikin really showing her body parts curves and everything leaving nothing to the imagination, then my awarness was hijaked by this horny demon and i started to think hmmm i wonder if there is any other hot pictures of her online , so i googled : Dua Lipa Hot , and i wish i didn't , there were pictures of her with see-throw top showing her nipples , and at that particalr moment i was completely abducted by the sex demon , lol , so then i searched for sex tape of her , i didn't find anything , but i got results for other cilibrity sex tapes , then i typed plus sized hot women and got results for pictures of naked plus sized women , then i just clicked on the videos tap on google for that search and i suddenly found myself watching an actual porn video of a man banging a woman , so then i consuiosly decided to masterbate to the video to get the process overwith quickly , instead of shutting the video off but still staying horny as fuck and thinking about sex and porn and plus sized hot women and Dua Lipa and edging for the next few days , probobly even could've watched more porn without masterbating to climax wich is even way more worst than just orgasming rightaway , so i did it , i jerked off to ejuaculation abd that was that , now istarted again eating clean and working out at home and i completly stopped watching music videos of that singer or consume social media just listening to audio songs of her on my phone when i'm jogging or out in public , so in conclusion : the Porn Demon TRICKED ME , it got me involved into something that appears inisint and normal , when in actuality it was very compulsive very obssesive , i was craving her sexually just like i did with porn stars in the past , untill the Demon dragged me down into the Abyss ,so beware of idolising female cilibirity figuers like the kardashians and social media and all that stuff , and the mebtal started way before like 2 months before the actual pysichal relapse and started building up mentally for 2 months untill there was no direction for that sexual mentall energy to go other than to be expressed pysichally.
Q4. Yes , i belive i defineatly could have avoided the pysical relapse by realsing from the beggening of my obssession with the singeranf the emotinal investment in her that that was unhealthy and addictive , but also because there were emotinal investment in her , like it wasn't just pure pysichal attraction , it was like a celebrity crush and the Porn Demon used that emotional investment to convince me that it's ok to proceed down that path of obsessing as it's not jist pysichal craving , so if there were enough awarness or consuies presence in me , i defenetly would've realised what was happening and demolish the hyper sexual compulsion seed at the very beggeing of it's implanting.
also it helps a lot if you're passionate about a craft , not just filling your day with regular activities like working out - jogging - going out and socializing - reading or any other activity , but to have true passion and love for a certian craft whatever it is , i would go even further and say it's good to have obsession with that craft , as that obsession will replase the sexual obsession and will redirect the sexual energy into doing what you love .
May Love , Peace & Joy be with my Brother

 

You're Welcome Bro, i love listening to Adagio For Strings but the altered Tiesto Version , it really hypes me up when i run , i love to run to it , also the violin original Version is awesome !

 

Well, i'm 28 and a half years old now , i've ben postponing having sex for as long as i can remember , simply because i wanted to achieve something big before i have sex , i feel like having sex is a reward i haven't really earned yet , lol , but now recently , as the years went by , i realized i might keep postponing it forever , like i'm never gonna feel successful enough to have sex , like even if i accomplished a certain goal or made a certain amount of money, i'm still gonna feel not good enough , as there is always room for achieving more, so from that perspective it's a bottomless pit that i'm trying to fill , also because i don't like committed relationships as i don't need another woman nagging me or bossing me around and draining my energy and distracting me from my goals and disturbing my inner peace , lol , because i've ben living with my mom for so long and she was doing that all the time , i just moved out of her place and living by myself now , so the last thing i need is to replace mom with another female who will most likely do the same after the honey-moon love-high ends , so i started to seriously consider associating with a "Sugar Baby" , lol to take her out for dates and buy her food in exchange for some "Sugar" , if you know what i mean , lol , or i could associate with a "Friend with Benefits" girl , like we could be friends and go out and have fun and casually hook-up , no strings attached, also it would be more relaxing having sex with a female friend , as she won't judge me if i'm bad at sex or make fun of my slightly bent dick or criticize me if i cum fast , she will most likely be supportive and teach me how to be better at sex , lol .

 

LoL , i literlly just googled Skyrim , it sounds like a fun game , although Virtual Reality creeps me out , however on playstation or xbox would be cool , i used to play GTA for years and also Need for Speed

 

That's Awesome Bro that you've made it to 2 years , you're probobly as horny as a dolphine rightnow ! HAHAHHAHAHAA

 

Yeah i guess you're right , i might as well keep waiting forever , and i just wanna do sex to get it out of the way , so that the compulsive sexual thoughts wouldn't take over my life and hijak my consiusniess