Feeling like a farce

Hello, friends! I started at NoFap at May 12th, and since then I've watched no porn (that is awesome for my self-esteem). I fapped five times (the last I fapped with a guy on skype), so now I am at day 14. My longest streak was 30 days. Obviously it is not being easy. But I don't intend to give up until I beat the 90 days Hard Mode. I also made several changes in my life: doing more workouts, walking outdoors, reading, meditating, eating better, studying, etc. But I really feel that at the first opportunity I would bang a chick or a guy, you know how it is, most of the days since I started I wake up with my dick throbbing. My luck is that I'm not going out because of the pandemic. You may see this as bad luck, however, what I'm concerned about is the lack of self control that my situation shows. Do any of you know if NoFap increases self control in this way I'm looking for? Could you tell me what I'm possibly doing wrong?

 

I think the major problem is to find a balance. Just avoiding sex would be kind of pointless, since having healthy sex is part of my main goals. Still, I'm afraid I am only enduring this loneliness because of this hope and, in the end, not having a real progress. I fear that, after I start a relationship, I will become dependent on it. Perhaps one rule I'd have to set is not get involved in any social situation just because I feel lonely. That is, I should be already happy with myself before I go looking for someone. Just another of the oxymorons of life. It is not a easy task, but probably self-pity doesn't help. I'll just keep moving on. Thank you, my friend!

 

I used to think wrongly that the day I had sex I would have a better control over my desires. I thought I'd be less alone and feel more complete. Currently, I see this as just an excuse to keep looking for sex mates. Of course I'll never feel complete, but, knowing that, I will at least feel calmer until I find someone.