Day 2 (no PMO) - severe PIED - on the brink of suicide, sincere advice needed.

Hey bro, this reply may not be what you're be expecting but I know this is the truth and saved my life many years ago (in a different circumstance): Jesus Christ loves you and has always known you since the day you were born. He knows your struggles and pain right now and what you're going through. Forget the stuff about girls, or whether you had bad or good sex, the embarrassment or what anyone else thinks. Jesus Christ has the power to save your life and bring you out of any form of darkness and bondage including low self-esteem and PMO. If you are willing, say this prayer with a truly sincere heart: Dear Lord Jesus, I am a sinner and ask you to forgive me of all my sins. I invite you into my life and acknowledge you as my Lord and Saviour. Please release me from the bondage that is PMO and I thank you for your mercy and grace, in Jesus name, amen.

On a practical level, I encourage you to connect with a local church and seek out a Christian group for fellowship.

 

My advice is: Use every kind of help you can get your hands on. Just use every resource and support you can find. Visit this site more often, read similar stories and success stories. Therapy has helped me tremendously over the years of battling anxiety and depression, so you should DEF try it. Don't ever give up, success and happines ARE POSSIBLE. Imagine them my dude and never lose hope, never stop working and thinking positive. That's the way. I wish you luck and I know you can do it man.

 

Usually people report solid recovery from PIED by day 90. If you started as a teenager then it will take a bit longer, I highly doubt you will have a 2 year flatline so don't worry about that. If it's seriously affecting you to the point of being suicidal I really suggest getting some help. Since you're also in the UK I can recommend atsac.org.uk as the best place to find a porn addiction therapist, not only will they be able to help you with the addiction side of things but also explore the underlyng issues. And honestly it feels incredibly relieving just to talk honestly with another person about an addiction which is very isolating.

 

This is mostly a computer-internet-smartphone addiction. We relapse when we are alone and bored, when we aren't expecting visitors and have ensured privacy by locking the door.

You need to build new environmental cues that lead to and support new healthy habits. Stop recreating the PMO environment that always causes relapse.

Don't set yourself up for temptation. Minimize internet time, minimize device usage. Don't surf the web on private windows or go online when you are bored. Don't close your door and lock it. Don't take your phone into occasions where you usually relapse (like to bed with you). Turn it off and put your technology far away.

Spend as much time offline as possible. If you are heavily internet addicted, then reduce it gradually.

Socialize as much as possible. Every conversation in real life helps to heal your brain and rewire it to natural cues. Spend time with friends and family whenever possible. Even if youre just watching TV together, its better than being alone and relapsing.

Begin as many offline activities as possible. Reading print books, journalling, music, making art, craftmenship, exercise, sports and so on.

The world is so so much more interesting than internet P.

 

How long the recovery takes is irrelevant. Maybe it will take long, maybe it won't.

Resorting back to PMO will only make the process take longer so might as well stop, right?

I fell into a depression years ago over PIED and I still have it (been on and off NOFap) .. It is certainly NOT worth killing yourself over. This is a battle that you can win, if you're determined.

 

Me too my man, but the first step is to accept the reality as it is. We can't get hard for a woman right now and it's depressing, but it's not up to us anymore, we've already done the damage. What is important is to remember to focus on the things you CAN control, which is your recovery. Patience and determination beat anything man. Just keep going.

 

I'm glad I could help. Porn addiction is certainly a problem that should have more mainstream acknowledgement but at the end of the day, we all did this to ourselves. At least subconsciously we knew that watching Porn and MO'ing regularly was not a healthy pastime. We pay for the choices we make in life every single day. Its time to start making better choices and taking full responsibility for everything that has gone wrong up until this point.

 

Deeply unhelpful advice which if taken up will shackle the OP with guilt and shame as well as PIED. His best course is simply to give up wanking for good and get on with his young life, building up relationships with other humans not a non-existent, wrathful diety.

 

Good luck, I was sorry to read this heartfelt message, but you will be fine. Just forget about porn and you will be fine. It may take a while but the sooner you get started the sooner you will be ok. Good luck!

 

It may help if he is Christian. But many people on this forum are Muslim, Hindu, Jew, Buddhist, etc. So I agree it is unhelpful because it assumes the OP's religious background. That being said, religion and spirituality help a lot of people have a healthy emotional life by exploring aspects of life they never considered or knew before.

 

I appreciate your kind words however I am far from an expert in PMO recovery.

Generally speaking, many people notice significant improvements after 90-120 days. If you are not a severe case, you will likely be making big improvements by this time in your recovery process.

Realistically noone knows how long it will last. I have read stories of the process taking years.. however long it takes is irrelevant though. Every day of abstinence is one step closer to your goal. Stay strong.

 

Your story has many similarities to mine, unable to get it up with my first girlfriend the first few times. When we did get it to work it was low quality like you said. I believe this is because while I was with her I never achieved over a month without wanking. Even if you quit the porn it's not enough, your brain needs to rewire to a woman's touch and not your hand. To give you some hope, while most people say recovery takes longer, after just 1 month of no porn or wanking I had the best sex of my life. What really helped was opening up to the girl about my problem before we got intimate. I suggest you do the same with your next partner, it removes inhibition and most girls are actually really understanding when they realise what's wrong with you. Good luck brother!

 

You will recover the best if you follow a procedure of healing your brain with dopamine re-sensitization. This means you should avoid all high-stimulus dopamine activities on the internet, including video games and social media, as much as possible during the first couple of weeks of recovery. This gives your brain a chance to adapt to the normal environment in a healthy way the way it was designed by Allah.

Next, you need to begin some serious type of activity like study, lifting or sports. You should push your intellect and mind against the resistance that comes from short-term instant gratification attention span. Discipline your mind to increase its power of concentration, you could try memorize verses from the Qur'an.

Lastly, you need to socialize with other people and enjoy the feeling of not being alone. We want our brains to readjust to a normal social life. We need to practice eye contact, listening to others when they speak and being around others and not alone. This also helps your brain heal faster.

If you do these three things, you will give your brain the best opportunity to heal. Some people take "2 years" to heal but we don't know the details of their effort. Were they exercising, making new hobbies and friends, getting blood panels done to check hormones and health, and avoiding replacement addictive behaviors (i.e. video games, alcohol, internet, drugs, etc)? Or did they stop PMO, but stress their brain in other ways through unhealthy living.

The best we can do is help our brain heal quickly by living a disciplined life.

 

Browse this website. It will guide you with the factual account of what is happening in your brain.
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybop-articles-on-porn-addiction-porn-induced-problems/

My recovery inshallah is because I don't self-sabotage myself by going online when I am bored and alone. I am busy with other activities, like reading, writing and talking to people. Once lockdown from COVID is lifted in my area, I will be going to the gym and having a busy normal life.