seriously need help!

right here goes. not the first time ive been on here but i'm pretty sure i've a serious problem.
ive enjoyed watching porn for decades now and have know for quite a while that sometimes it spins out of control. but like any addict i always told myself 'i can control it'. Well now im not so sure.

I started watching porn in my mid teens and as being already shy and awkward it only made forming relation ships worse. as time went by i started pushing boundaries in porn into things which i wouldnt normally have found exciting or thought was too much. nothing illegal, but i developed a keen interest in bdsm as a result a long time ago.

now its progressed to the point where if i watch porn long enough, I end up visiting escorts and cheating on my wife. Our sex life trailed off to nothing the past few years but before that it didnt really do anything for me as i was comparing it to porn all the time, even trying to get her into things she wasnt interested in. Now I hate to think what I've turned into or how much money ive wasted on porn and the paraphernalia that goes with it, ie sex toys that i've taken along to when visiting an escort. afterwards i get racked with guilt and throw everything away only to repeat the cycle a few months later.

As most things evolve so did this pain in my ass to the point that i then started dialling up sex phone sites. I would chat to the girls whilst i watched porn online for an extra rush, but this then progressed into signing up to Tinder (total waste of time and money) and now webcam sites, something i thought id never dial into. I've dropped god knows how much money over the years and a lot over the past month. I've even turned into a regular for one particular camgirl who instantly recognises my username when i access her page. We've ended up corresponding through the sites email system (i used a fake email to register) where she tells me how much she likes me and that she wants to know more about me. Literally asking details about my private life. I'm not stupid enough to go C2C with anyone online or reveal my real details but this has woken me up to the situation I'm in.

The longest I went without porn was 75 days last year until I relapsed. Then it was a sort of on again \ off again situation. Just before this blow up I went 14 days and then relapsed hard as per above. It's on my mind constantly, i keep thinking im missing out on a great sex life and that time is running out (im 45). the thing is that i think my sexual history is above average. yes theres a lot of escort visits in there but also a lot of one night stands when i was single, some of which were pretty amazing.

I've suffered with bad depression and anxiety in the past and have been getting counseling for it which helped enormously. What seemed to do the trick was being taught techniques to employ when i recognised i was having an attack. So what I need to do is find some way of replicating that here, as just saying no to myself makes me want to do it even more.