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Hi guys. I'm a 25-year-old male looking to cut porn out of my life and focus on my career and being more sociable. For years I've been in an almost daily routine of PMOing every night in bed, and I really feel like it is a waste of time and a hindrance to me being the confident man I want to be.

 

Hi Esteban, and thanks for the reply.

My effort to quit porn is part of a larger effort I am undertaking to spend more time in the company of other people, forming connections with people, and also focusing on my career and getting into a job that I love. I really just want to become a happier, more confident person.

I have always been a shy and quiet person with not many, or maybe even any, close friends, but I don't think I quite realised how lonely I was until late last year, I was going out with a girl for a couple of months, and then she quickly ended things. This left a big hole in my life and now coming to realise that I need to make big changes in my life in order to find happiness and fulfilment. Now, I didn't actually use porn while we were going out, but since then it has become an almost daily routine again and I feel it is getting in the way of me pursing the things I really want in life.

Looking round these forums, it looks like many guys have used giving up porn as the impetus for sorting out their lives and becoming happier and more confident men. I'm reall hoping to do the same thing. I am ashamed of my porn use and don't want it to be a part of my life any more.

 

Hi Esteban,

Well it is certainly an addiction and I want to stop. I do believe that PMO is negatively impacting my life. I can't say exactly how much of a negative impact PMO is having on my life, and it would seem that plenty of guys here have it far worse than me.

What I'm saying is that I don't expect my life to just magically get better just because I have given up porn. However, I have read that many people on here have gained energy which they have been able to use and apply in other areas of their lives.

Basically I see my porn use as a waste of time and energy. It feels good at the time but ultimately leaves me feeling empty. So I am determined to give it up even if it only slightly helps me chase the things I really want in life: fulfilling friendships and relationships, job satisfaction, confidence and high sense of self-worth, general happiness.

Reading some of your posts, I see that for you the objectification of women is one of the big things you are trying to recover from and I think I know what you mean there. It can be so easy to look at a pretty girl and start undressing her in your mind rather than actually want to get to know her, so there is certainly some brain reprogramming we need to do there and if giving up porn can help us do that then can only be a good thing.

People seem to have had the most success by cutting out masturbation and edging as well so that is my goal. If by some miracle I do have the opportunity to be sexually intimate with a special person in the next 90 days then I will allow myself to do that though, because ultimately that would be fulfilling my goal. I do want to have someone special to share the good things in life with and I think that sexual expression in this context is good and healthy.

Anyway, all the best for your journey. Stay strong and I hope that you achieve your goals.

boom

 

I'm at work at the moment so I can't watch the videos right now but I will certainly have a look this evening. Thanks for the links!

Regarding Hard Mode, I might not have explained myself very well. You defined Hard Mode above as "meaning stop M as well". My plan is indeed to abstain from all masturbation to orgasm and edging during the 90 days, as this is too hard mentally to separate from my porn addiction. What I'm saying is that if the situation arises in the next 90 days, I will allow myself to orgasm while I am with a partner without it counting as a reset. I find intimate sexual contact to be a completely different experience than solo sex and, ultimately, infinitely more satisfying.

So no, I'm not going Hard Mode if that means I will not allow myself the possibility of having an orgasm under any circumstance whatsoever. I am allowing myself the possibility of orgasming with a partner, as well as nocturnal emissions of course (which I don't remember ever actually experiencing). However, there is no one lining up to have sex with me at the moment so I don't anticipate this making any difference. I just think its counter-productive to put a self-imposed limit on the positive things that may happen over the next 90 days.

In other news, I started my journey about a week and a half ago and managed to last about a week without a reset but since then I haven't managed to last more than 24 hours without a reset. It can certainly be hard to start building up a streak again, but I'm determined to do it this time. I've got myself a counter and I have just added tick marks so I can track my whole progress more easily.

Good luck and stay strong!

 

I was referring to this:

Anyway I understand what Hard Mode means now. From now on I will reserve the term for refraining from any orgasm.

Well my understanding is that none of the science in this area is very well-established. Sure, physically an orgasm accompanied by contractions and ejaculation is the same thing however it is achieved. But that doesn't mean all of the effects on the brain are the same. It's clear that even within the porn recovery community there is much debate about what should be allowed during a reboot. If you read http://yourbrainonporn.com/node/79, sexual contact with a partner is actually encouraged during the reboot as it says this rewires the brain to know what real sex should be like. In any case as I've stated, it's probably not going to make any difference for me. I've never even asked a girl out before, and there is no-one actively pursuing me at the moment.

Obviously, I'm no expert on the subject and I'm still learning. I will certainly watch those videos you posted when I get the chance.

All the best.

 

I've got another streak going now. I'm really going to try and follow through with this one. It can be hard sometimes. The most dangerous time is when you get an urge while you are by yourself, because there is nothing but your own will-power stopping you from relapsing. So it's probably a good idea to spend as much time as possible around other people, spend more time in the living room and less time in my bedroom. The hardest time is bedtime in the evening. I'm going to have to keep reminding myself why I am doing this and how the short term pleasure is not worth it compared to the much bigger and better goals that I am working towards.

I've had a chance to watch those videos now Esteban. It's all very interesting and they give four different takes on the subject. I think the most convincing video for me was Ran Gavrielli's. He talked about not only the effect porn has on the users but also on the performers. Sometimes we have a tendency to glamorize porn when it is really just filmed prostitution. By watching porn we are creating a demand for women to sell themselves into the sex industry and that really isn't something I want to be a part of. But also how porn can desensualise our sexual expectations. I've never gone for rape porn or anything like that as it doesn't turn me on. However most of the porn I watch is all about the women fulfilling the desires of the man. It is very one-sided which ultimately is not how I want to enjoy sex.

It's clear that the negative effects of porn are nowhere near as severe for me as they are for some on here. I've never had a problem with erectile dysfunction. I'm just trying to build my confidence, overcome my social anxiety, improve my self-control and focus on the areas of my life that really matter. And if quitting porn can help me that, then I think it's worth the effort.

 

Just want to post a quick update. I have now made it a full week without any porn and without any masturbation (and indeed, any orgasms). There have been some challenging moments, but I guess I have just kept myself busy. I'm going to try to get into the habit of reading in bed for a bit every night (on my kindle rather that my phone or laptop - we all know where that leads!).

I have had a lot on my mind these last few days. Mostly, I've been trying to figure out the root cause of my problems with social interactions. Ultimately, I don't know how much of an effect my porn habit has had on this, but I am still committed to seeing out the 90 days to see what comes of it. However , I know I need to do a lot more in addition to quitting porn in order to improve my life and so I've begun looking for other underlying problems.

I've been reading up about social anxiety disorder, autism spectrum disorder and other conditions which may be affecting my ability to connect with other people. I can certainly relate to some of the symptoms. I'm thinking about talking some of this over with my GP. This is of course beyond the scope of this forum, but I'm wondering if others here feel they have a general problem connecting with people (not limited to just those you are attracted to, although that is very important), how much of an effect giving up porn has had and whether they have looked for other solutions.

 

So as you can see I had a relapse of sorts last night. Porn subs. One of my old go-to Google image searches "sexy lingerie". Eventually I was rubbing different parts of my penis and finally couldn't resist rubbing the frenulum until I orgasmed. At each point I kind-of rationalised it by going this isn't really porn, and this isn't really masturbation, but of course this has to count as a reset. I really need to stay away from all of these sorts of behaviours. But at least this is only one time and I can make sure I don't relapse multiple times like I did last week.

Now part of the reason why this happened is actually because I wanted to examine my erect penis. Like many guys I sometimes feel insecure about this kind of thing. So I wanted to check that it was long enough when erect (it was, above average if the numbers floating around online are to be believed). However as part of this research, I've discovered that I might have phimosis (my foreskin doesn't fully retract). How I haven't noticed that my erect penis is abnormal before I'm not sure. I've certainly seen plenty of penises from the porn I've watched. I guess I've always just been more focused on the female performers and have tended to avoid videos with lots of cock.

Now I don't know how much of a problem this really is. Obviously I have never seen it as a problem. I have never experienced pain, whether during erections, masturbation, hand job from a partner or just normally, and never had problems urinating or ejaculating. I have never had penetrative sex so that may be a problem one day, who knows. But this is clearly not normal for a 25-year-old so I guess I have another thing to discuss with my GP.

Funny thing is, I remember actually being able to pull my foreskin the whole way back over the glans penis a year or two before the onset of puberty when I was about 9 or 10 years old, even when erect. I don't know exactly when I lost that ability. Presumably the girth of my penis increased during puberty and it seems the tip of my foreskin simply won't stretch to much more than about 1.5 cm in diameter. There also seems to be some kind of psychological block preventing me from trying to stretch it further. All I know is that when I pull the foreskin back as far as it goes, it starts to feel very tight around the top of the glans penis and I can't bring myself to try going any further.

I would be very interested to hear from anyone else who has had a similar experience.

 

Hi plaeto, I'm really sorry to hear about your experience with a tight foreskin. I know I would certainly like to avoid circumcision at all costs.

Apart from the foreskin being tight I believe I have a perfectly healthy penis. As far as I know it has never gotten infected, so I don't think there is any problem for me at the moment. I may one day discover that it's a problem during sex, but I don't think I'm going to worry about it too much until it becomes a problem. Maybe one day I will have to start experimenting with stretching as it seems many other guys have done.

After trying a few more times, I have discovered that I can actually fully retract the foreskin while flaccid. It's pretty tight but I can do it, so I will make a habit of doing this every morning in the shower. There's still definitely no way that the foreskin will retract while erect. I'm very much a grower (both in terms of length and girth) and there is a very large difference in circumference of my glans while erect compared with its flaccid state. But who knows, maybe daily retraction while flaccid will be enough to solve this problem.

 

Hi nic,

I assume you're referring to phimosis. I think my foreskin might be slowly getting a little bit looser but it's still very tight and I can't retract fully while erect. I can retract fully while partially erect but it just doesn't look or feel right with it so tight.

Have you managed to overcome this problem? If so, how?

Clearly, my attempt at overcoming porn isn't going so well at the moment, but I would still like to do a full 90 day reset.