The START 2021 STRONGER Challenge [CLOSED]

I would love to get down on this challenge.
I'm already a ways into my streak but the urges today were stronger than I've ever had, thankfully got up and went to the laundry room which is not private to fold some stuff and stay busy.

Anyhow, the idea of now until next year and then beyond sounds awesome, I'd love to hit over 100 days finally!
I can do it, we can do it!

 

Yes, I totally understand. I think I mentioned before that I'm far from claiming expertise in this arena, but sharing my own experience, the more I remove porn from my daily activities, the less it calls to me. When I relapse it's the real world stuff that gets me there and then my brain defaults to 30+ years of habit.

Feeling down about myself, getting rejected by my wife for sex, having sex and then replaying the moment, an extra stressful situation....these all seem to be common triggers for me. Immediately or even a day or two prior to acting out in response to any of these triggers often I feel very safe, not tempted to use porn at all and no urges to just MO because of the pleasure. I'm often pretty committed to NoFap and have even posted on the forum within an hour or two of acting out

My point here, for your situation is that from my understanding of the YBOP theories, we all start small and some gradually increase the volume, frequency, intensity, and type of exposure to porn. At first seeing a photo of a nude woman is enough to stimulate us. Then it requires two and implied sexual activity. Then it requires the ACT itself. Then it requires more and more intense versions of sexual behavior to bring stimulation. Also trying to tread lightly to avoid triggers here. You get the point.
Rebooting is a period of time that rewires the grain and literally undoes damage and neurochemical reactions that we need for dopamine responses and generally feeling good. It's hard in the beginning especially (obviously) but it does seem like there's truth to the theories if rebooting
Perhaps your extended requirements for more intense scenes and ideas of sexual fantasies, and more graphic sexual imagery is just going to take longer to remove it completely?
Now I didn't come this far to not offer a solution. I think that it's time you consider the fact that you are in the driver's seat here. I don't want to be rude, but you're continued pointing to your fantasies as your main problem is an indicator that you're not taking ownership of these thoughts. Is it a light switch you can just turn off, no. But with practice you can control your thoughts. Two things I'd encourage you to look into a te mindfulness, and meditation. They're similar but not the same. Begin to take ownership of your thoughts, and I suspect they'll lose their control over you.

Wishing you strength.
BC

 

This is a bit presumptuous. Remember, as an addict I'm struggling to control the acting out. I'll give an example. Two days ago my family I left to go to mass for my mother in law that just passed. I stayed home with the boys because 3 days Inna row of church is too much on them to behave, etc. I was playing some xbox, doing well. I had to get up to get a drink. Then to the bathroom for a rest room break. Then in an instant my mind switched to "the house is empty, you're alone in the bathroom, do it, go on, look at porn and MO". My heart palpitated with excitement. I felt flush. I hit my Google browser. Then I closed it. I said no. I put the phone down. I finished my bathroom business. Instead of getting up, I picked my phone up again. Then I snapped out of it. I said out loud (not loud) no dude you gotta get the fuck out of here. I went straight to where the kids were and jumped on NoFap and journaled.

Point is that I WAS busy. I wasn't daydreaming. I was just going to the bathroom, but that's an old acting out place and it almost caught me up. There is no off switch. We endure the addiction, we live with it, not bypassing it in avoidance. These are my .02 cents.

 

Happy to welcome another friend to join us. Best of luck. This is all about you. Take it one day at a time and be healed.

 

Welcome to the challenge @banana man Trust in yourself, this is our time!

 

WHO ACCEPTS THIS CHALLENGE?

Current Challengers:
@BrohkenCompass
@Invincible Under The Sun
@Iwanttobefree1
@gcamt123
@ToMMy.H
@aniseprakash
@New Focus
@RedStripe
@Steppingintotheunkown
@WarriorofLight
@banana man

How's everyone feeling? I'm up early, can't sleep. I trust myself and know that there's no comfort in turning to old habits. Been journaling and checking in on friends here at NF.

 

Thanks @ToMMy.H Don't get me wrong, P use has definitely been an issue. Even before sex, or even after sex when sex was regularly occurring. When we were trying for kids , sex was often and fulfilling and great, but I was still in the bathroom tugging on my johnson and looking at porn. Making progress since 2018. I'm comfortable with the journey being longer vs shorter. It is a time of growth. I am gaining perspective, wisdom, discipline, etc. vs. "losing" porn in my life.
At the moment my goal is to remove P altogether of course, and not have that in my life. As for MO, I'd prefer to not do it in solitary. Once upon a time

Spoiler: Moderate triggering text

if my wife wasn't in the mood she'd let me touch her and do it, even kissing me in the process.

I'd be okay with that, but not in solitude and secrecy I think.

 

No offense taken my friend. I promise. I'd quit today and never look back if I were strong enough. I feel like that R. Kelly song... "Mind saying no, body saying yes". I'm at war within...may the best man win.

 

Great stuff. Keep at it.

 

Excellent awareness and self control. Stay the course. You can be one of two people next year and the power is yours.