Half Ass Living

It feels like I'm in a murky swamp, trying to walk through the sludge like water. Every now and then I find a stick that I can hobble along with, then the stick breaks...

I've read that the longest most people can focus strongly is an average of 25 minutes, I find that to be untrue (as do many others) so I doubt the significance of whatever research led to that figure.

I tend to be able to give full focus for about 1hr 45m before I start losing track and needing to refocus (this is when I stop, as you don't tend to get as much out of whatever you're doing when that happens).

The issue I have is that I don't go back to the task, sometimes I'll do it a few days or even a couple weeks solid, about that 2 hrs a day. But I'd like to have a lifelong habit of doing this, preferably a couple times a day with varying tasks (learning, programming, what have you).

Most often I am half assing everything I do though... Anyone have any advice on how to overcome this seemingly natural state?

 

I don't smoke weed and I quit social media, stopped carrying my phone, and stopped watching YouTube videos (though that has picked up a bit more before bed in the recent month or two) for a long time (phone 3 years, social media 3 1/2 years, YouTube 1 1/2 years).

May have to do with the increased attention span. Bare in mind, the 1:45 figure is when I am in deep focus, studying a topic, cleaning, etc.

I remember for a long time mine was even shorter than the 25 minute figure toted everywhere, it was like 5-15 depending on topic. If anything, guess it shows this is an aspect of the mind that can be improved like anything else.

Still would be interest in people's advice on this topic though. I wasted another day of my life today, wish I would have used it.

 

I tend to flip flop between binging streaming services and sitting around doing nothing. It is irritating, I don't feel a draw towards many things. The pandemic I think has lowered my mood quite a bit but even before this it was similar. Occasionally I do get a draw towards an exploratory goal like study (these I find most interesting) and go on a kick like I talked about.

What tends to happen is I forget the reason for doing it. That or the reason was never strong enough to begin with, and I can't rationalize why I should continue any more. It's like the stick breaks and I don't know how to put it back together so I trudge on in my little swamp.

It isn't that I get distracted frequently, it's that my attention is on activities that don't benefit me because I can't think up enough reason to do things that do. It almost equates the activity in my mind. It feels like you're given a choice. You're hungry, there are two pills, one is healthier in the long run so you notice very slight benefit now, but takes some more work to get (solve a small puzzle), or another which is instantly available and fills your stomach but is unhealthy.

My mind says "Well, for more work I can get a minor benefit, eh, why bother than?" I rationalize it by the sense that anything I am working towards has such a minor and insignificant benefit that it isn't even worth the effort.

Really do need help figuring this out.

Interests:
* Programming
* Research/Study
* Non-profit Agency
* Nature - Lesser

 

Have one. Thinking things through is productive to a point, the issue is concluding.

It seems almost impossible to firmly make a decision on how to act. People do things that take years, they don't stop, and in the end they produced something almost valueless to the world. I feel like if I conclude on doing something, it is almost guaranteed to be valueless to anyone else, and thus valueless to me.

 

I'm poor, there's no chance of blood work (and especially not during a pandemic, no chance I'm going to a hospital). The symptoms of what you suggest don't line up in any way other than fatigue and depression, which are symptoms of thousands and thousands of ailments.