Being anxious in life due to low self esteem and still a virgin at 31

Maybe try internet dating? Perhaps that might help in finding something romantic. As people go into that specifically to find romance so there's less ambiguity around if they see you as a friend or potential lover.

 

I love this view. You certainly are right. The happiness times of my life were when I was at peace with myself regardless of my circumstances. But then things flowed well with relationships because of my inner peace and love.

 

first of all welcome... this is your first step for becoming a better person... my cousin is 37 and still had no gf so no worries...

first of all try to hit 300 days, confidence is absolute key for the next step

this was the most badass move you could've made in high school and it took a hit on your self esteem, you can talk to girls/women but bad experience inhibited you... but there is a game to talk to girls/women... the best part is that you can learn it

and change your style, clothes, haircut (if you bolding go bald, women love a confident bald guy)

and dont look for love actively... lead a balanced and happy life and love will find you

so 31 is just an age you can do it...

the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago... the 2nd best is now

 

My dad only found my mum when he was 30 , there is still hope for you!

Yesyesyesyesyes

 

I was very similar to you. I did manage to have sex a couple of times in my late teens but after that I went over 10 years without any kind if romantic interaction with a woman. Couple that with a fierce porn addiction, bonkers fetishes and a growing hatred of women (I literally told a friend of mine that I didn't see women as humans at one point) and I thought I'd be alone forever.

What I did was, I downloaded tinder and used it. Now I have a fiancee who is my best friend and I'm hers and kids. Dating apps take the stress out of hooking up because you know that you are both there for the same thing. Everything after that just happened naturally. If you have social skills, once you get over the initial hump of actually talking to someone you are ok.

 

Do it, you wont regret it. Lots of apps out there if tinder doesn't work out for you. One big bit of advice I can give is find someone you know who is competent at taking photos and get them to take some of you. I cluelessly put up selfies of myself that looked hideous and was not a hit. Later on I tried again with some nice photos by a photographer friend and was much better received, I even had a couple of girls message me first which was a giant confidence boost.

Also, I've been told that many of the matches girls get will chat but usually drop out when it comes to meeting, if you pursue a physical date with someone you might be surprised how keen they are to meet. I did that without knowing and it worked.

 

@elevate Man you been here for years and comments are always on spot! Hats off to you,sir!

 

I can somewhat relate to your story as I am not that experienced myself and had a bad start during my Gymnasium (High School) years with braces, pimples all over my face and divorcing parents.
But, what do I care about that nowadays as I am 32 years old, fit, start to get more refined, distinguished and experienced in life?
If you're a man, confident and take good care of yourself, the party starts in your 30's, especially at age 35 as your SMV is on the way up and your choice of younger, prettier women will increase by the month. I can't wait until I turn 33 next year because that means more selection and greatness coming my way.

The thing about life man is that you have to leave the past behind and stop dwelling on it. I started to finally do so as my last (and still standing) NoFap-streak began 2 1/2 years ago and it has helped me greatly on my journey. Thanks to NoFap and a good diet/exercise routine, I am looking young, fresh and quite manly compared to most men these days.
The thing is that women can sense and spot an unconfident and insecure man miles away so my best advice is just to work on yourself, becoming your best version and stop dwelling on the past because dwelling does and will never serve a purpose in your life.

 

This is a mental block. No amount of lying or pretending will help.

You need to change how you think. You have some belief systems that you have accepted as truth that can be changed. Here are a few I was able to identify:
1. Your experience in high school defines your current interactions. This doesn't need to be true even if it feels like it is.
2. Having no physical relationship with a women is embarrassing (the feeling behind that is that you have come up short). This can be reframed, it also is a lie.

Find a coach who can help you transform your thinking. That is what I did for my issues and it changed my life.

 

Yes, it feels much more natural and down-to-earth these days than it used to. You notice it especially with younger women who many times seem excited just by having an older man talking to them. But not only that, my social interactions overall are much smoother, easygoing and fun these days than they ever used to be in my past (during my PMO-days).
Still, I can become a misanthropist in crowds or when out grocery-shopping since most people there annoy me, although I don't pay them too much attention.

 

I was just about 32 when I first had sex with a woman. Really wasn't into it at all with her. After a few flings with her I haven't had sex with another since. Having sex won't magically fix things. Keep working on loving yourself for who you are today while making continuous life improvements. Continue NoFap. Acknowledge our imperfections. One step at a time. Check out a church where they value sex after marriage. Loving yourself for who you are will be your biggest asset.

 

It’s the connection with someone that matters above all. Don’t listen to the noise about what people say about being a virgin, that’s only going to make you feel bad. Stay positive and hopefully we find someone we genuinely connect with. I believe it will all work out in the end if we do that.

 

ONS:s and hookers/escorts won't solve any of your underlying concerns and issues as they all start on the inside. You got to work on yourself first and foremost. That's what me and plenty of other dudes have done over the past years and life hasn't been better than it is right now.
Just remember that one single shag with the wrong woman can give you troubles and health-issues for years and even decades ahead, plus your mental and spiritual issues won't get any closer to being resolved.
Also, as a man, your SMV will steadily climb in your 30's and 40's as long you take good care of yourself and develop a craft skill that can provide you a decent income and living.