35 and Older Accountability Group

Checking in.

The last week has been tricky, but I've managed to avoid PMO - by the skin of my teeth at times!

I've not been coming here every day to "catch up" with the group and I think that has been a mistake. I'm going to try to be more present.

Onwards to 60.

 

I know the feeling. Maybe an obvious thing but try to find another way to relieve stress. For me, PMO escapes the stress. Just takes me away for a while. I'm trying to play video games instead.

 

Same for me, trying to fill time with better things when I'm stressed. Video game is my go to when I don't feel like doing anything and I'm trying to do productive stuff when I can.

I notice PM is a way to avoid thinking about stress while I'm using it but I feel stress continue to build when I'm trying to cope that way.

PM to run away from stress is the 2nd persistent trigger I'm trying to figure out how to defeat. Sometimes I just don't care even when I know it's not going to help.

 

I find this too.

The other situation that I find makes it difficult to resist is when I'm feeling sad/depressed about things. That makes it really easy to give into the urges.

Maybe that's why it's such a challenge for me during the first few days of a streak - feelings of unhappiness and helplessness taking away my power to resist. Hmm...

 

The problem is it doesn't fix the stress, it just masks it for a while. More than likely, it just gets worse after. It's a cycle.
I know this may sound crazy but when I need to break a bad streak of relapse, I wear my boxers backwards. It's like a message to myself.

 

Just checking in....going strong on a new streak and no urges currently

 

Keeping track of what i eat and not feeding my body garbage. Working out and staying active. Using drive as fuel to do more and get stronger, keeping in mind my strength will be wiped out should i give in to sin.

 

Day 15 - was away at the beach for a few days. Always good to be away from the computer/phone. Pleasant times with the wife. Managing the chaser effect well after intimacy with wife and staying PMO-free. But, I feel like I was really straying by not controlling my attention to looking at other women at and around the beach. It didn't generate any lasting images/thoughts or spark any P-memories but in the moment I was really feeling lust and thinking all sorts of things about those bodies.

 

Just checking in...

 

Had a big relapse. Ugh. Like someone else took over my being and caused me to use. Time to recommit to my process. I got lulled into complacency. Disappointing.

 

evening all

 

Checking in. I've been away from this forum for a week and a half, because work was insanely busy. Now at day 20 of my current streak.

I'm already noticing how my curiosity for P and fantasies are slowly coming back. They always do whenever the memory of the shame and misery of my last relapse starts to fade. And I already caught myself clicking on some things that I shouldn't. Which is why I keep repeating my daily mantra: 'Porn brings me nothing but frustration and insecurity. I can do this.' I can not forget.

 

Yes, this is so familiar!

 

Checking in. Now at the familiar stage where the urges start to cloud my mood and distract. Next few days will be tough...

 

I am at a tricky stage now.

I have been off social media but had to use Facebook for a bit yesterday. I saw someone’s pic that was somewhat provocative and got super triggered. It felt like skidding on ice and I had to get that foot of the gas and stabilize.

I am starting to feel uncomfortable in my balls too. The next few days should be interesting! My plan is to keep busy, repeat my mantra and serve those around me... My new realization is that nothing cuts the desire to PMO more than doing something kind and selfless.

 

Urges have subsided somewhat, though they were not too intense when they were active. I know they are still present, however, they are a form of energy and i will use this energy during exercise.

 

Concur - I was saying in my journal that as I get along in a streak it leads me to somewhat of a position of weakness as I let my guard down (the memory misery of the last relapse fades) and then I am overtaken with an urge. Someone commented on this saying that we have to remember it is a constant struggle, a daily battle with this addiction. Stay strong everyone.

 

1 time turned into 2 times turned into 3 times turned into coming back to reset.