35 and older accountability, Group 2

I’ve lost my way in my latest binge. PMO, food, no exercise. Living a disciplined life is so hard and I rebel so much.

 

10th month - practice going strong yet temptation is always present and it gets more tricky.

moments come when waking up or after a dream i crave romantic relationship but through instant prayer peace is restored, there is a sense of confidence, peace and acceptance of the suffering of this life is arising in me. There is curiousity of what else is possible tto continue on this path and keep practicing, there is a devotion to practice and it is becoming stronger and pulling me easier. More desire to know god

More time and energy is dedicated to study of truth, meditation and living a simple life. Work Meditation Sleep and nature is the outter expression of my life. Secret life of prayer is the daily activity of my mind.

Practice of vipassana as the bed rock of practice.
Study of the infinite way by Joel goldsmith as a daily guide.
and Ram Das, and Ayya Khema and many other teachers.

 

Day 8 - all is well.

 

I have 24 hours and I’m just taking it one day at a time. Getting back to exercise, meditation and spiritual reading today.

 

I have a few days now. Coming off a binge, I have no energy or positivity this week. I feel like an alcoholic with a hangover.

 

I have read the rules and would like to join this group.....thanks.

 

Day 15 - was away at the beach for a few days. Always good to be away from the computer/phone. Pleasant times with the wife. Managing the chaser effect well after intimacy with wife and staying PMO-free. But, I feel like I was really straying by not controlling my attention to looking at other women at and around the beach. It didn't generate any lasting images/thoughts or spark any P-memories but in the moment I was really feeling lust and thinking all sorts of things about those bodies.

 

Still here!

Did one of our top guys drop out? there was another guy behind me on 2nd spot.

 

Went out with a single female friend for a walk,

I noticed i was feeling an inner conflict, part of didnt want to go and noticed wasnt really connecting to the conversions, but i was just there cause she was pretty - later i noticed i was feeling extremly drained and tired.

Upon more reflection and reading I realized i have to be more conscious of what i say YES to - with my choice of life style i have to set boundaries much sooner.

Reading books on sexual transmutation, and bramacharya and studying the lives of the people who inspire me is what i love doing now as they inspire me to live this way of life

 

Had a big relapse. Ugh. Like someone else took over my being and caused me to use. Time to recommit to my process. I got lulled into complacency. Disappointing.

 

Ya sounds good.


Guys who are just joining - The first 90 day i almost never went without a check in - keep sharing your inner journey and get support - it is worth it

 

Hello everyone. Good to be apart of this group of 20, and if I may say so, you guys set the bar high with so many of you on high streaks. This looks like a good group to be apart of. Thanks for the invite.
Briefly about myself, I’m just “starting over,” having done a day of binging after about 16 days of no pmo. Starting over is probably the right word. I had made a little progress with that 16 day streak, but I pretty much erased whatever progress I made with that binge within a 24 hour period that I did. But not a whole lot I can do about that now, just gotta start from where I’m currently at.
A few things I will continue to do that made me successful with that 16 day streak: 2 cold showers a day, diet is very clean, lifting weights at the gym 3 days a week, read from a novel 20-30 or more pages per day, get to bed early, and most importantly, avoid as much as possible any sexual thoughts...and one thing I need to add to that list is: no looking at eye candy in real life; no checking out girls. That’s what got me in trouble this last time. For 2 straight weeks everything was going great; I really thought I had nofap finally under control, but then I slowly started to lose my discipline and turned into a perv checking girls out and that ultimately contributed to a relapsed. I’ve been on nofap for 2.5 years or so, and 16-18 days is my longest streak of no pmo.
If you guys feel like giving me a few pointers of what made you all so successful I’m all ears.
Thanks again.

 

Something I’m going to try to do every day with this group is: at the end of my day, shortly before bed, write a little bit about my day and what’s on my mind for the day. I’ve never been one to keep a journal, but this will be kind of like a journal.
But today, I kind of felt like a dam fool. I work in a big warehouse setting where we don’t always cross paths with our co workers on a regular basis. But today, I crossed paths with this cute girl that I work with. And of course after a binge, trying to talk with a girl that I kind of like is suddenly super complicated. I uncomfortably made eye contact with her and said: “how’s it going?” Personally I hate that phrase, but that’s what and all I said. Because as she said: “good, how are you?” My eyes were already avoiding her again and I was walking away. Yep, I know. Mr. Smooth.
But if I had to pull a positive from that, it’s pretty clear that jerking off to porn is not helping my social skills; so today was a good reminder that even though I recently stumbled with nofap, I gotta keep moving forward to get better at it.
Well, that’s all I got. It was a good day today. Got my 10 hours of work in, ate clean, lifted weights hard at the gym, tired and ready to get to bed early.