Trying something new

You're saying you think it contributes to a moderate degree to your marital tensions. I have now experience with how pmo affects marriages, but I just tell you what I think.

You can't even know to which degree pmo affects the relationship with your wife. Was there ever a time since you met your wife, where you have been clean for at least one year?
PMO changes your brain and the way you think. So you just don't know what a clean brain would think in certain situations, even if you think you know that, but that's where the brain and addiction is tricking you.
If you were clean you would react differently if you're in an argument because you would think in an entirely different way and that would produce a different outcome.
You're doing something you're ashamed about, which makes you respect yourself less and which makes you weaker as a man. Women have a sixth sense in noticing if a man respects himself and they treat you accordingly.
Chances are that you still underestimate how much porn messes your brain up. If you would know for a fact, that if you don't stop, your young family will fall apart, would you stop doing it? Check out Terry Crews' content on youtube. You'll definitely find helpful stuff from him. Your situation reminds me a bit of his story.

I'm in a similar professional situation as you are. My problem in the beginning was always that when I got an urge it completely distracted me and I just wasn't able to work on my highest level. So I pmoed, released the tension, felt kinda numb after that, but I could go on with my work. But that's all part of the vicious cycle.
When I decided to quit porn, I made that to my highest priority. Above everything else! And if that meant that my work suffers, so be it.
There was sometimes up to a week where I hardly could do any work, but after the urge was gone, I was as productive as I've never been before and I could work for hours with a focus I've never had before. Since you have no deadlines, you you can plan ahead. When you get into you're rebooting journey, you'll start to recognize a bit of a pattern in your urges and eventually you can plan your schedule a bit around that. Or maybe keep the easier work for those times.
I'm myself in an urge at the moment and I have accomplished almost nothing this week and right now I should not be here in the forum, but I know that in the long run it will pay off. That reminds me of the story of the lumberjack who had no time to sharpen his saw.

Try to quit and look at the strength of the urges as an indicator how bad pmo affects your life. Don't underestimate the harm it does!
The more you get serious with quitting and the more you realize that it appears almost impossible at times, the more you'll get honest with yourself that it's a real problem and then you can start to overcome it.

You should also think about telling your wife. If you think you'll then lose her respect, that's not true. But if she knows about the seriousness of that problem and sees that you are to weak to overcome it, then you'll lose her respect. And you know what, if you don't want to tell her and play it down, that's likely the reason for it.

 

Leave the door open to your office.

Don't be alone in the house.

Think about how routinely compromising your brain with PMO addiction is going to severely impact your peformance as a father to your child. There are many good articles about YBOP about the brain damage it causes. I would use the scientific knowledge as your secondary motivation, since you are an intellectual type.

So first motivation is the moral imperative as a father and (arguably) lesser imperative as a husband. The second motivation is the scientific fact that PMO addiction causes brain damage.

Next you need a strategy to stop relapsing. This is a tactical task involving change of lifestyle and your living/home/work environments. I wrote two posts about this topic. I expect you will find value in them:

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/my-1-tip-change-your-environment.288435/

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/how-to-use-devices-in-a-healthy-way.290017/