I've never felt so ashmed of myself - trading nude photos

I know that feeling of disgust with oneself. I did something so terrible. I’m married 47 years but in my youth swing both ways. We guys from then got together and one guy who I had a bj from back then I remembered had a huge D. I was curious for whatever reason and decided I wanted to see if it was as I remembered it. I let him touch me and I blew my wad when he touched my D. I wasn’t even hard. Just the anxiety I guess. Anyway I felt like Sh•t. I couldn’t sleep or have any mental peace it drove me crazy I did this. Being Catholic I decided to confess what I had done. The priest said to me. I needed to let it go. The past cannot be changed. To live in the moment as you never know or are guaranteed tomorrow. Make the resolve never to go there again. Make the best choice I can in any given moment here on out. I asked should I tell my wife. He said “why would you throw your garbage on someone you love to relieve your own guilt? You are sorry, right?Just resolve never for it to happen again, you’ve asked god to forgive you. It’s over. Go on and live well and true.
Many will say fess up you her. But decide why you would tell her. Is it for her good or yours?

 

You are SO RIGHT

I have done what OP has done, and I did exactly what you tell him.
I began telling my gf about my addiction, how I had been struggling in general and that PMO was a coping mechanism for all my issues I had going on back then.

The only right thing to do is to own your wrongdoings, tell her and be a man about it.

My GF and I are happier than ever as of today, and I was in OP;s situation almost 3 years ago, being young and dumb.

 

You did a great job confessing here OP. While I'm not in a relationship like you are I do know there are things I'd need to tell her when I'm at that point. I believe it's reasonable to tell her and let her make her own decision. If she is the one for you she will not leave. If she leaves then she is not the one for you. What ever the outcome, accept that you made the right decision and use this experience to continue seeking the help you need to move forward in life. This is my opinion. I wish you the best in your decision.

 

I have set a routine time table for me n From day 1 today my i feel a kind of relaxing and less urge to sex chat keep on deleting all those girls who trigger me
I only kept those who motivate me

 

Adding to my last post, finding some people one here to call, text or chat privately with would be a great help. Phone or some voice chat would be best. Helps make the connection more personal. Having such people would be important to get through this. If you want someone to text, send me a PM.

I'll remember this. When my thoughts get too sexual over a woman focus instead on how much of a good friend they are in other ways.

 

Thanks for sharing this, OP. It was such a cringe to read but it could really be any of us. It's a warning. Keep going down the dark path and you may just end up doing something like this.

Stay strong,
L.L.91

 

Hi @TrytodoGood01

Sounds like you are on a good path writing all this stuff out. Reminds me of the first step of a twelve step program I'm attending which is essentially telling what brought me there (from my understanding). From then all that junk in surrendered and the process of a lifelong change to a better life begins.

 

I know this thread is a mix of tell her / don’t tell her, but my vote is don’t do it.

You seem to be wanting to do it as a pressure release for your own guilt and not really for her benefit. She might be fine, she might leave you or even worse stay with you but not trust you again.

If she can’t be identified then she will likely never find out, there really is low risk of her life being impacted in any way here unless you bring it to her.

Also not to add to your stress but depending on where you live what you did may have broken the law.

I do think you should speak to a counsellor, get this off your chest in a confidential way. that will help you a lot if you have an outlet.

You made a bad mistake, you seem genuinely cut up and trying to change. Give yourself a little bit of a break. You don’t have to let your worst moments define you as long as your working to change.

 

You HAVE to tell her. You did violate her and at the very least now you can tell her what is true and let her make the decision. You probably will never feel okay about this, and you never should. It should disgust you that you allowed it to get so bad but we are so conditioned to always think so greatly of ourselves. We aren’t great, sometimes we are down right awful. Everyone of us are capable of doing awful things when we allow passion and urges to control us. Once you accept that you will finally be honest with yourself and know your limits and what you NEED to stay away from. But back to her, someone here said it would be selfish of you to tell her about something she can’t change but that is so convenient to say to yourself. My husband told me the same thing when he relapsed. I was pregnant and having anxiety and still getting over his last relapse that he thought it would be more loving to keep it from me, but then I found out anyway. I had to get it through his head that what he did was foolishly selfish and unfair and wrong in many ways. Really, he didn’t want to bear to inevitable fall out that would come after confessing and he wanted to avoid that if possible, and that is self. First, you have to realize that while confessing will add some comfort, it will not make the consequences go away. Don’t confess just because you want the guilt to go away, it won’t completely do that. Confess because it’s fair to HER. Confess for HER. Stop thinking about how this will affect you but think about how unloving are continuing to be by continuing to keep it from her. Each day that you keep it from her is another day where you have really damaged her sense of reality and that’s probably the worse thing you can do to a person. So stop doing that and just tell her. There’s not good time or good way, just do it and don’t think about it beyond that.

 

So do you judge telling the truth by whether or not someone will find out? That’s terrible. Telling the truth should only be about telling the truth because truth is good and always being honest is good. And yes what he did could have been illegal but you know the best way to show true regret and hate for what you did? By owning up to it and being a real man, ready to endure any and all fair consequences for what you did. He doesn’t have to be defined by what he did but he does need to own up to it and be willing to face consequences.

 

SPOT ON.

I as mentioned before, have done the same things, dumbest shit I’ve ever done.

Telling my GF about it though, was probably one of the best things I have done.
Not only did she support me in my PMO-addiction, she also wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable with the pictures as I thought she would be, so that was a huge relief for me and it really made it easier for me to stay focused on quitting porn in general.


I repeat my most recent reply, OP, tell her! Don’t bring up unnecessary details about it, but tell her about what you have been doing and that you have had a problem you’re now trying to quit. LET HER KNOW that none of those NSFW pictures have her face in them, that’s important.

Whether or not you used normal pics of her with her face in them, it doesn’t matter, what matters though is that no NSFW ones have her face in them.

And about the legal part; only SHE can decide whether or not it’s an offense to her, some are cool with it and some would leave you, while some probably would feel offended.

 

Many of us here have done deplorable shit to ourselves and to our loved ones. While it is in the past you do realize the gravity and recklessness of what you’ve done.

Sending a stranger nudes of your woman is bad. You’re sharing, without permission, something that she gave to just you, in confidence and with trust. You’ve also shared her photo w/o her consent—it could end up anywhere on the web now. Also keep in mind that even a cropped photo can often be reverted back to its original form. That was your special ice cream and you shared it.

you need to get rid of that app and anything like it. Probably best if you delete those nudes your gf sent you—you can’t be trusted with them.

Read through the forum on a reboot and build a strategy to complete one. Time to look ahead.

 

I judge telling the truth by how much pain and suffering it may cause. Life isn’t so black and white. Your viewpoint is valid but this is his real life. He made a bad mistake but let’s keep some perspective. Imagine he tells her and they break up, or imagine he doesn’t tell her and next year they have children. Both realistic scenarios. Is it so black and white then? My point is it’s a big call and he should take his time on it, the consequences could be bigger than you imagine.

 

I am very aware of how big the consequences are. Just because the consequences are big doesn’t mean he shouldn’t tell her. People here keep saying how his life could be affected. What about her life? Doesn’t she get to choose whether she wants to be in a relationship with a porn addict? Doesn’t she get to know some random guy got off to her nudes and has done God knows what with them all because of her boyfriend? This is her relationship too and those pictures were of her body. Someone else here said everyone has a right to take secrets to the grave but this isn’t just his secret, it directly affects her. Being on the victim end of this situation, he should not take his time at all. True regret is being honest about your wronging and being ready to endure the consequences.

 

Regarding his weakness for porn, I do agree with you that he should tell her. Regarding the cropped nude photos, though, to tell her would only greatly magnify the problem. It would likely go something like this: He tells her about the photos. She then is disgusted, humiliated, shocked, and hurt to the core. Whether she dumps him or not, this pain is irreversible. Whether she dumps him or not, he is also hurt by her pain. Because he feels wretched and miserable about it, his self-esteem hits a new low. Feeling like a worthless bum, who doesn't deserve her love anymore (whether or not he still has it), he is driven to pornography to an all new level. It is a fact that a man who does not respect himself will have less ability to exercise restraint or self-control. If he does not tell her about those photos, it is better for both of them. It is not a matter of selfishness, but one of common decency and prudence. Yes, a mistake was made; a great one. But some things are best never revealed. This is one of those, for many reasons. If he cares for her at all, he will ensure that no one is ever told what he did with those photos. He must bear the weight of his remorse alone--to tell anyone about it would be to selfishly seek to alleviate his guilt at her expense. He must also never, ever, consider doing such a thing again. This should drive him to give up his entire porn habit, and become a new man, one who never looks back.

 

hi i would confess too that i used to watch porn since i was 12 when my brain was exposed to porn i was changing my habits were strange and i have become addicted to porn espicially hot teens , milf , hentai and sadly that got to gay porn i first thought i'm a bisexual since i started having an erectrion to gay porn espicially the yaio ( i don't know why i find the gay sex disgusting i'm sorry i'm not homophobic ) so 3 years have passed my addiction to gay porn started to take over my mind i met many girls so i could have a gf and maybe even abandon this shit but i have been rejected many times because they thought i'm a sick pathetic loser until i met a girl during my last exams in 2018 i found her cool i helped her in the last exam i said maybe if you would like that we could be friends it's just fine she said ok so after the exams and during my vacation i sent her friend request she told me do i know you i said you may not remember me but i have helped you during the exams remember me ? she said oh i remember you by the way you were useful and so blind to see that i was manipulating you so she blocked me days after days and more bad events happened to me like my stomach was hurting me for 3 months i thought i 'm diagnosed with cancer but it was just from my mind i had nothing my addiction to porn started to take over espicially gay porn i thought i'm gay i created a fb account which i posted fake gay photos so i could just masturbate and everytime i masturbate i lose my interest in this gay shit and i try to get rid of that account but this masturbation stuff kept making things worse until like the day i decided to stop this and focuse on my life everything was fine until i found out that one of those friends of fb account i made was one of the students in my class he started to give me some refrences about that account until he gave me some informations of that account so i decided to play stupid until the end of year i decided to change to school and since i left i met some friends there but during 2020 one of those new classmates i met started to say some pervert gay jokes ( which it does make me uncomfrotable ) and my addiction to this bad type porn started to increase even more so i decided to browse the internet until found out about the hocd which i think it's my case gay ideas started to take over my brain and my habits and attitudes started to change and how can i be gay if i loved and adored women since i was a child and i don't like the same sex in the real life so i decided to be a part of the nofap community now this is my day 1 of no masturbation i will not lose myself to porn ever again because i believe that i was a good person before it and i can redeem myself by abandonning this sin even i guess that people won't forgive me for this if my secret was revealed but i will never be a gay person no matter what because i still have interest in women espicilly during nofap and porn is the bad guy not me and if people were in my situation i believe they wold be addicted to this kind of porn and Finally my final suggestion to myself and to you WE MUST FORGIVE OURSELVES because it was not our fault it was the dominance of this naughty platform and how our goveremnts and many countries didn't ban those sites like europe or united states or africa

 

Or like in my case, telling her could turn out to her being supportive and understanding. (If he’s been going through a lot lately like I did during my days of picture sharing..)

My GF knew I was in a really bad state back then, so she really did understand that people do all kinds of things to escape from reality.

If I hadn’t told her, i still would feel anxious and worried, but with her help, I now feel okay again years later.
I have spoken about this on many forums, and lots of females have told me that they would react just like my gf did, its not a huge big deal for everyone even though I understand that it is for some, as someone said, it’s not all black or white