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Dating this girl but I am very confused

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Coolbreeze, Sep 12, 2020.

  1. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

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    Hello there everybody,

    Now for the last weeks my PMO has been under strong control. I don't really think about porn or have any urges. My life is pretty well on track, I am active, eat healthy and generally feel very good and happy.

    A few weeks ago I met with a girl from my city and ever since the first date our dates in person have been really nice. I enjoy it, and she clearly does too. We had sex in the second date and things just seem nice.

    One thing that confuses the hell out of me is that she never initiates a text message or proposes to meet. When we meet she seems really enjoying it and I am too. However, I generally feel like I am the only one making plans for us, and thats because I am LOL.

    Today I proposed to do something but she is busy, which is understandable because some friends invited her to do something. However, when I proposed this she just replied she couldn't come and doesn't show any other interest by coming with a counter proposal.

    I know overthinking about this isn't healthy so I shouldn't stress about it too much. But I know she is shy and not that confident in general which might mean she doesn't initiate texts.

    At this point I just feel like distancing myself from her until she misses me and reaches out. I don't feel comfortable being the only one to take the initiatives.

    Still she might not be totally confident with me and comfortable yet so she doesn't want to disturb me or whatever, but come on; always letting me come with proposals?

    Because she doesn't really speak much about herself in this manner it is really hard for me to figure out what is going on. Is she interested? The way I see it she would respond in a manner like: Oh no unfortunately I have other plans today, but we could meet tomorrow or tuesday?

    Instead, she replies she will be busy and that's it. I believe that the time has come to stop chasing and figure out whether she is really interested or not.

    In general its no biggie is she isn't into me that much or maybe she just isn't ready for something more serious. In any case, I think I should distance myself a little bit to see if she seeks contact with me or if there will be radio silence.

    If you got any tips advice, welcome

    Regards,
     
  2. I mean you could try to not text her for couple days and see what happens. Not many people like if someone is clingy.
    One option could be that she has someone on the side or you are who is the guy on the side. So just take it more slowly atleast you had sex with her so it is just not the situation where you go on to multiple dates you make all the effort and you are not even getting laid in the process.
     
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  3. Envoy-ofthe-End

    Envoy-ofthe-End Fapstronaut

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    You gotta have a mind of abundance, if she knows she's the only girl in your life she knows you'll be chasing her. You guys aren't in a relationship yet and you gotta show her that if she doesn't take the initiative then it doesn't matter because you have other options. Gotta make them chase you.
     
  4. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

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    So me and this girl tried to meet yesterday but she cancelled last minute. The thing is that she in studying abroad here and everything is new, she really needs time to start feeling comfortable here. Yesterday when she cancelled I told her I was worried and that I would be outside her place if she wanted to talk but clearly she didn't want to and told me that this would be disrespect of her personal space. I really tried my best but it seems that all she needs is time and space to get comfortable. I will really have to step down and let her come to me if she wants to meet. If she texts me within a week or so then I know she is interested but if she doesn't then she might not be or perhaps she is having too much difficulties combining all the new things at once. So patience is key here and I will focus on my own stuff and we will see if she reaches out or not
     
  5. Aléxandros

    Aléxandros Fapstronaut

    Just use the tactic of pull-out. Go away for a couple of days or more, and than return by saying: "I have not received any proposal from you, is your internet not working?
    You will seem like a busy person, that doesn't lose ALL his time, 24/7 talking to a girl and proposing meetings.
    In those two days, eventually, she might miss you.
    And when you text her what I said, she will feel guilty for what she has done.

    You are trying at least. I personally hate these types of girls, always passive. So I try and avoid them when possible.
    Let me know!
     
  6. Dr. Howard

    Dr. Howard Fapstronaut

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    Not trying to burst your bubble or anything but I've experienced something very similar to this. I met a girl in the gym once and she gave me her snapchat. I was the only one doing the work and texting her like once or twice a week but she was doing nothing in return. All she would do is return my texts after about an hour of keeping me on "sent" and she would never initiate anything. I asked her to go on a date with me but of course she was "Busy" and in her own words she said "I'm so busy right now I can't I have work and school everyday, but I swear I'm not just saying that" YEAH RIGHT. After a month she stopped responding period.

    I felt what you're feeling man. I felt like a little wimp chasing after her constantly and her not doing anything to get to know me. I felt used, manipulated, and quite honestly she made me feel like a beta male. It turns out she wasn't interested in me at all and just used me for attention. I deleted her on snapchat and I swear to you I felt incredible when I did that. I felt free and relieved, I felt like I took a thousand pounds off my shoulders, because I honestly felt like she was manipulating me like a slave. It did not feel good at all.

    I always tell people this, if a girl is into you, YOU WILL KNOW. There will be no doubts in your mind that she likes you. If you are doubting whether or not she likes you its because of two reasons: 1. She does not like you and is just trying to use you for something (attention, sex, money etc) or 2. She likes you but she's the type of girl that plays those "hard to get" games. These are the women you should stay very very far away from. If she plays hard to get or tries those manipulative games with you she has very low self esteem and she will always play those games. Thats the type of girl she is. STAY AWAY. She will drive you crazy for the rest of your life.

    Just remember: If a girl truly likes you, you will know 100%. There will be no doubt in your mind that she's into you. We all deserve to be with someone that can't wait to be with us. That are excited to spend every second with us. Don't settle for less.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2020
  7. Dr. Howard

    Dr. Howard Fapstronaut

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    Yea I've dealt with these types of women before too. They're horrible. From experience in my past I don't tolerate them anymore. If I even sense that she's passive I block her right away. I'm not going to play those games with them. If a girl acts like she doesn't want me, I tell her to take a fucking walk. I will never give a girl power over me again. Men need to start realizing that women need us way more than we need them. Trust me on that. I've never met a girl that doesn't dream about having children. We don't need women for anything LOL.
     
    Metis07 and Αλέξανδρος like this.
  8. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

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    Tank you for your replies @Franky Baby and @Αλέξανδρος

    To just a few things I have noticed, she seems a bit on and off when it comes to meeting. However, she has told me that she doesn't always feel like meeting because she is dealing with personal issues (probably culture shock from moving to this place a few weeks ago). She quite typically replied to my messages in a timely manner and keeps the conversation going. Honestly today I have been feeling incredible sadness, I feel like she is just leaving me out here. I mean probably she is just dealing with her own things but honestly the way this went is quite dramatic since yesterday she cancelled and I had high hopes.

    If she is really interested then she will reach out to me, if not; then that's it. I have to realize that we are just a couple of dates in and she is just 19 years old. I am a little older, 23. In my head I want to know what happens, like I want to know whether she is going to contact me again or not. It feels like any time that I have to ''wait'' is feeling like suffering because I don't know what is going to happen.


    I am very hopeful that we are compatible because when she was feeling ''well'' and we were meeting, everything was really great. However, since she has been visibly more troubled by the current situation of her culture shock and all, things are different. The best thing to do is probably wait and see if she reaches out. It is worth it in my opinion because she has plans to stay here for long term.

    I will keep you guys posted. In any case, its important I just give her that space and not start messaging again, and then we see what happens.
     
    Randy Andy and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  9. Dr. Howard

    Dr. Howard Fapstronaut

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    You're right. Stop reaching out to her and see what happens. If she doesn't reach out I suggest you block her and move on. That means she has no respect for you and she's just using you for something. If she responds, great, but still be aware that she might be playing games with you and you can't really trust these types of girls. How did you two meet? And where is she from?
     
    Metis07 likes this.
  10. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

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    @Franky Baby We met online at some page because we go to the same school. We study similar subjects. She is from Bulgaria by the way
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  11. Chris88

    Chris88 Fapstronaut

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    Keep calm and focus on your life. She knows that you were trying to set a date and put your afforts to make a good relationship, so if she's interested in you she will reach you. Don't disturb your mind and focus on your goals. After some days of your absent will make her think that you a not a guy who has no life.
     
  12. Metis07

    Metis07 Fapstronaut

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    And don’t create excuses for her in your head (like ‘culture shock’ you mentioned) - if she cancels your date last minute with no explanation, that’s disrespectful towards you
     
  13. Aléxandros

    Aléxandros Fapstronaut

    I totally agree. You can't invent excuses for girls behaviours. They know what they do, better than us.
     
  14. Steppingintotheunkown

    Steppingintotheunkown Fapstronaut

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    I hate to say this, but if she had sex with you on the 2nd date then she is probably having sex with other guys aswell. Hopefully for your sake I am wrong
     
    Axesteel and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.
  15. Chris88

    Chris88 Fapstronaut

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    I was thinking about your situation lately and as i understand you are not a couple yet. Imaho if that is true you are not obligated to wait for her but hung up with other girls instead. I assumed that you are pissed of her becuuse she kind of blockes you in certain point when you want to get in a relationship. Fell free to look for another girl
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  16. Every girl is different. I dont support general advice about girls. Every situation and every girl requires different responses. In the end it comes down to what you are willing to tolerate. I would be pretty straight forward with her and tell her that I want her to take more initiative.

    I am currently dating a girl as well. The situation sounds very similar on the surface. She never texts me unless I text her first. She never invites me on dates. I have to take the initiative 100% of the time.

    She has never turned me down however. She always wants to meet. It is like she is too nervous to ask me out herself. There is no doubt in my mind that she likes me. I have concluded that she is just too nervous to reach out. I wish she could take more initiative. I hope she comes out of her shell soon.

    Your situation sounds different. I think the advice about cutting her out for a couple days to see what happens sounds like a good idea. You can get a lot of information about her interest levels that way. Since you already have had sex, if she has any major insecurities it has to be on an emotional level.

    My intuition tells me that she isnt too into you. Yet at least. Dont just assume that she is doing this or that without some sort of evidence. If you really need answers, find some smart ways to get the information you need directly from her.

    Ignoring her for some time is one way of getting answers.

    Also if it is true that she needs to settle, give her a little space. But dont give her forever. If she is really into you she will let you know. If not, that may just be a cover up story.

    I dont know how often you are meeting but it sounds like it is pretty often. Maybe that is the problem? Maybe she thinks you are coming on too strong, too early. Ask her how often she wants to meet.
     
  17. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

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    Yeah we talked about it openly today actually. She said it was difficult for her to express herself in this way. I have changed my expectations to very low. I literally just look at it like a girl to have a good time with, chat a bit and just enjoy some walks or whatever. I mean I am attracted to her but I don't expect her to text me actively or be all over me or whatever. I will just go with whatever it brings and don't expect her to become my girlfriend. We will see what happens ;)

    After having changed this mentality in my head I feel relieved. I need to stop caring so much about people and myself in general.
     
  18. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

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    And by that I mean stop giving so many fucks about things that aren't that important :p
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  19. Yeah, dont over complicate it. Sounds like she likes you but probably not as a full time boyfriend. At least not at the moment. Things can change. As long as you are good with just hanging around every now and then, just enjoy it. If you want more however and it turns out she wont give you that, it is just going to be a world of misery for you. It is all about what kind of relationship you are comfortable with.
     
  20. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

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    I really do believe that she is very shy and introverted, from what I have seen in person. She seems to have quite a few doubts and insecurities in herself, which might disturb the relationship between us a little. However, I do genuinely believe she is very interested in me, but has trouble showing it for the exact reason you gave. More importantly, since I have lowered my expectations from our ''relationship'', I have not been troubled much by negative thoughts. I generally just do my own life and if we meet it is just for fun. I don't expect much to happen from us two and will just enjoy the time we spend together. At some point, however, I will have to determine whether it is worth it to keep spending time with her. This will depend greatly on how much she wants to invest after some time, and how much she wants to put her heart out there. I understand this is never an easy thing because putting yourself open for love means being vulnerable for rejection and that is something nobody really wants to deal with. In any case, there is not much to it really. Like I mentioned I will just enjoy the time we spend and at some point I will inevitably make my mind up whether this is what I want or not.
     
    Minsc and PornSux2019 like this.

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