35 and older accountability, Group 2

I'm on Day 3 today.

 

welcome!

Keep checking in , share authentically as you do , keep questions short aand to the point and make your text more spacious so people can read it easier so you get more responses

You are bound to succeed

 

Back from beach vacation. Now the hard part. Returning to regular life and staying sober. I’m getting back to exercise and recovery time.

 

Good evening everyone. Just checking in for the day. One thing I noticed during my last streak of 16 days, is that I spent way to much time on this website. Sometimes I would spend hours on this website (basically just wasting time and being not very productive). So this time around, I’m only coming on for a short period of time every day; at the end of the night as I’m getting ready for bed. That way, I can reflect on my day and maybe have something good to say. Good Night.

 

Back home last night and I had intense erotic dreams of searching for actresses on internet. I woke up and am feeling aroused today. I am focusing myself so that I am present and able to escape if the temptation arises.

 

Doh. I had a reset. I used pornograhy.

 

"I have read the rules and would like to join this group"

Hey guys, hope there is room at the Inn. I have been posting in the over 30's accountability thread but it is as dead as a dodo over there and from what I have read this thread is active with like minded journeymen.

 

You know the game by now I’m sure: No binging, just get back on the wagon.

 

Checking in for today. Hello. I have an intelligent question for you veterans that I’m hoping gets an intelligent answer...From your experience, especially during the first 30 days, how dangerous is it to look at “eye candy” in real life? You know what I mean: checking out certain items on the female beefcake. Especially when I’m working out at the gym. It must be similar to: someone with a drinking problem, who is on the wagon, but still hangs out at the bar just to watch the football game every Sunday. At least that’s what they tell themselves.

Looking at eye candy when on hard mode is like: look but don’t touch, okay, touch but don’t taste, fine, taste but don’t swallow. If you give a mouse a cookie pretty soon he’s going to want a glass of milk to go with the cookie right? I’m guessing the short answer is to just avoid eye candy for a while.

What does everyone think?

Thanks.

 

I think unless you are going to square yourself away in a cave you need to deal with it. This is why I feel meditation really helps prepare you in the sense of realising that its just a feeling, not to dwell and it will pass as quickly as it came. I found on my longer streaks more female traits become more sexy, part and parcel of not watching crazy porn and semen retention I suppose. Freezing cold shower after the gym helps, I think my gym must refrigerate it because it crazy cold and it sure takes your mind a million miles away from those bums on the treadmill.

 

It is very dangerous. It is hard to stop at just looking and not fantasizing and not getting aroused. I try to avoid or to look at a women as a person, focusing on the whole, not her attractive parts. If I objectify women in the day time, when I’m home at night, I want more.

 

I think you make an important point with regards to objectifying, maybe it is just semantics but to use the term eye candy suggests just a lustful objectification. Maybe if the thought was of a more wholesome persuasion, more subjective appreciation for something 'beautiful' say, or maybe alluring it would be a safer way deal with the situation.

Whats your ultimate aim with nofap @boyrose?

 

Great news! Is it ok to carry on posting and interacting until then?

 

“Whats your ultimate aim with nofap?”

If one keeps on doing what they have been doing in the past, and they don’t make any real changes, then they are doomed to repeat their past. I think that’s an accurate statement. And what I have been doing in the past has me at this current point: I’m 37, and in all those years of being an adult I have had one “girlfriend” for about two weeks (thinking back on it it’s kind of funny; because she was a nymphomaniac and even begged me to bang her but because I had porn I just wasn’t interested - plus I was paranoid about getting this Ex coke user pregnant - but I digress).

My reason for doing nofap is pretty simple (and I’m sure some of you guys in this group can relate): I’m 37, the clock is literally ticking, and if I keep doing what I’ve been doing in the past, I’m going to wake up tomorrow, be 50, and find I’m still in a relationship with porn on my computer. CONTINUED: so that’s why my diet has been really clean the last couple months, plus I hired a trainer at the gym to get me started (because I didn’t know what the hell I was doing) and have been lifting weights 3 days a week. My goal is simple: keep working on the diet and weight training and nofap until January 1st (that will be about 4-5 months of when I started transforming myself physically) and then start online dating and get out in the real world and mingle. Personally, to be able to get out and date, I need to physically and emotionally feel good about myself; and that’s where the diet and weight training come in. Plus, in the competitive world of dating, I got to stand out in some way.

That’s more or less it in a nutshell.

ON A SIDE NOTE: Another reason for doing nofap is...WE GOTTA GROW UP AT SOME POINT DON’T WE? I’ve heard of people on this website in their 60s and 70s still using porn and jerking off. That can possibly be us if we don’t get this thing figured out now. The only thing I do know is that PMO isn’t going away on it’s own. Like a bad habit that it is, it takes effort and regular work to beat this thing.

Thanks for reading.

 

So I'm thinking the 'eye candy' is your motivation here, playing with fire and double edged sword it may well be, but its just a matter of perception. You could go 'thats hot, I'm going to pmo' or you could be like 'fuck I'm going to smash out a few more reps(and don't waste my time with pmo) because that candy is mine come the new year!' Ruth has left the building(ruthless!), thats what you need to tell yourself everytime you feel doubt or that little gremlin on your shoulder tells you otherwise. Shit write it down what you want and keep that on your phone because its really powerful not just physically manifesting your bright future into words, but actually reading them can have profoundly powerful effects that will spur you on during the difficult times.

You got this @boyrose!

 

Thanks buddy. And Ruth has left the building? Not a fan of Elvis I see. That’s okay. I prefer the Beatles myself.

But what is “eye candy” when it comes to nofap? It’s an excuse to cheat, and give your brain some dopamine or serotonin (because eye candy causes arousal). I caught myself purposely looking at some today, and I kind of stayed in the moment as I was looking; and maybe depending how far someone is in recovery they can look and be fine; but for me today, it was purely lustful enjoyment. Completely damaging to my recovery and goals. I think I was kind of testing the waters to see if any good actually comes from lusting after woman in the form of eye candy (at least while on nofap).

And I can say from personal experience (because I am the relapse master) that more often then not, that what is most damaging to a nofap streak, is ogling over eye candy; which leads to more and more arousal, which ultimately leads to relapse.

Well, I guess that answers that.

 

Day 9. I'm trying a new method
Feel like improving. We will see what happens

 

@boyrose prefer the Beatles myself lol.

Glad you could bounce off me to find the answer you were looking for, these journeys although share a certain path are all highly personalised in what we want, react and do.

Stay strong bro!