Marriage Opportunity

I ended in deep realization that the relation with my wife as it developed is very serious. More than iThought. We developed an allergy towards each other which I realize grew because of a lot of very difficult things we had to go through and too little time to workout and clear whats actually happening.

Now we block each other all the time because of the allergy towards each other. Beneath we love each other. The path is to stop now interacting and realizing this fact and having the insight that this must change and needs to be worked. There are a few options which we evaluate.
Having reached here to stop now as a first is very good as it stops the destruction. Now we can go towards measures to repair.

 

My crisis in marriage is serious. It devastated me and i drown in it about every second day. I am however realizing things and I feel energized by my conviction to not get off my path which somehow generates a lot of strength in me. I now see this horrible marriage situation as a blockage on my path where I am determined to overcome it. Every blockage in my life was a challenge that eventually melted away. So I realized must also be this one. There are a lot of reasons a lot of elements that need attention and as they do one by one things must clear and this must turn into something very good. That’s what I believe in. In meantime I am at day 14 and stay steadfast.

 

This crisis led as it did in the past heavily also this time to a detour I would not have needed to go. Triggers...one for sure is imbalance in life for me and the other is relation troubles or rather intense frustration or fights that lead me to a much lower place in which I am much more vulnerable

 

Thank you for your hint. I however as I wrote yesterday realized that I am the cause much more and I am blocking her making her something she isn’t and which again bothers me. I am past this crises a good step and realized a lot. I agree to what you state if a connection isn’t good or destructive. If it’s in essence very good it’s more important to strive hard to making this work and as most of the time when reflecting deeper on the situation honestly I can see that I am the cause for a lot. So as usual cleaning up my share clears up way more than 50% rather 80% and the rest can easily be resolved together. The quality that comes out again is for me a main point of value, as imbalance is one main key that brought me in to the addiction on the first place. Cutting off in this context would mean to cutting off another valuable element of my life causing higher odds for addiction instead of gaining the valuable elements I need to overcome it.

 

I am inspired to write after I plunged from my 50 days. I was so happy I could overcome even marriage issues and stayed on track which I couldn’t before.
After continued severe encounters it ultimately did tip me over. I realized an important thing. It’s not the marriage that tipped me. It’s me getting out of balance. This again shows me that my previous work of working on balance proofed to work because I wasn’t tipping a few times where I used to tip.

i used to slaughter myself for failure. I learned that a closer look can bring a deeper realization that helps to do actions that are way more important.

I worked out with my wife that she goes to two month retreat. To give time to empty out and also recover from me (and of course herself) but I have my share in her troubles too. I see this too. So helping her now I think helps both of us.
I also initiated that she can work only half time which should release her of a lot of burden.

i realized I truly love her and want her very well. And I think this will also help me very much. I also believe this opens the chance to get into deeper quality time and quality intimacy which again is very satisfying and can replace the wrong use of desire ending in addiction. I do enjoy realizing the correlation of such things as I see these to truly cure serious points

 

Don’t understand context at all and how this started but ok...

 

Ok...whatever...

 

the troubles with my wife constantly drown me. Good developments all the time go under. As soon as I hit any of the trigger points I become soo frustrated and so angry that I completely drown.


I have vision and solutions to a lot of things asi have much inspiration and a very positive attitude in general as a strength in me.


Anger and frustration clouds this. Then I blame her for this and I drown in this large amount of bad that occurs which then again covers all my vision and path to solving things.


My view gets obscured and I drown in depression instead.


As in everything this is an opportunity. No matter how shitty this feels. It shows me much about myself that I would otherwise not be able to see.


I Have hundred points. And she has little.

My points are reluctantly looked at.

It’s not so much the points in it. But how I deal with them. I react with such disdain such frustration and blame that I end up in despair and dark depression. I can clearly see how I create this energy and this state in which I drown depressed loosing any light and all inspiration I have a lot gets drowned in it.

My solution is to

1. clear her off my business areas where she disturbed all the time with nervousness and emergencies and always being tight. That’s one key solution.
2. Set myself up different people so my work which is most important to me always develops with no such interference
3. Only after she is out of these areas can a constructive work on us happen. Can I be tolerant enough for how she is and accept her. As is I don’t accept her.
4. My work is super important to me. I see her as a threat to it and a danger.
5. Work on us can only happen productively when the above is solved. Otherwise any small work gets washed over with the next wave of a terrible encounter.

I can accept her to be small in her mind with a always nervous energy. Always in emergency only if my level of frustration comes down a lot and what’s important to me isn’t jeopardized because of my reaction to her all the time.

 

I realized causes about the troubles with my wife and how they kept causing my drowning. I found that for one I am the cause for a lot as I see that she is a very good person a very loving person and a blessing for me to have. I need to learn to accept her points and not be so harsh and block her. She is super sensitive and I do not help in me pointing out so strongly true points. They are there and like me she has to work on things too. But the approach needs to be very different.

I also realize that I have to be safe too and understand myself too. There are reasons that she does block me or caused me to drown.

I think I found ways to return however to the love we have. While still covered under the many nasty things that happened that need to be released gradually, the love is there and I have confidence that it comes through and clears much.

I found ways to keep us safe and in distance enough in extended retreat that enables much reflection insight and communication and ensures no new irritation gets created. I am confident in this approach and process to work over the next months.

 

I collapsed badly. After I was at around day 60 and felt I can get there. While I have all these realizations where I know they are key of getting out there is one very bad element that keeps throwing me off badly. My wife.
The troubles and the deep frustration tgis relation causes in me are sever and cause for my drowning and preventing my exit from this addiction I know and feel I can emerge from.

we have a deep connection a true love relation. However something is majorly wrong. wrong with us wrong with me and seriously wrong with her.
Our love is blocked and the reactions of me by now on her undermining with how she is all good and all important in my life is a very serious problem.

I first will now install safety for myself first so I can successfully prevail with what I am heading out for.

I already installed that she is on a very good place where she can heal and work on reducing her work time to half time ASAP as she is run down.
I further need to install a mediator so none of these terrible escalate happen anymore for the next months.
I need further a therapist and coach for myself to help stabilize myself and replace or establish one function my wife should have which she never does anymore due to how terrible and toxic the exchanges developed.

 

Relation with my wife continues to be my downfall. This is becoming serious.
I don’t want to drown anymore because the mechanisms of this by now terrible patterns kicks in in an instant and completely knocks me out.