Telling others what you're NOT doing?

First I told a buddy of mine, he laughed and said I was crazy. He said pmo had nothing to do with any Ed problems and bla bla bla. He just won't admit that he has the same issue I suspect.

I have also opened up to my significant other. She took it very well. I felt very guilty going through this without including her. Her knowing has made the whole process much easier.

 

I told my roommates and they laughed. One of them put a spiderman meme on the back of my door that said "I can hear you fapping" as spiderman was staring at a locker. Both of my roommates were girls. One of them would walk by my room and say "Don't fape!" but that's about it. My best friend thought it was funny too. And my roommates boyfriend didn't believe I was actually doing it.

I also told my mom and she said it wasn't an appropriate conversation to have with her.

 

Dont know why but this was hilarious

 

Who I told

Told my mum and she said that when she was young it was generally thought that men who masturbated too much wouldn't be considered 'marriage material'.

Also told a couple of girls and they said that they could just tell I was masturbating too much! Hahah! But were kind and interested and supportive.

Also told some guy friends who thought I was stupid...

How I told them

Told really trusted people at first. And only let on small details to them. For example that I thought porn was bad. This helped me build up the courage to tell them more. Now 'I am quitting porn' etc. Then 'I am quitting masturbation'. People weren't really judgmental at all, which to me was a huge surprise. Instead they found it fascinating. I think generally people agree that porn has a negative effect on one's life, so they can get behind that. The not masturbating thing is more difficult for people to understand, but you can couch it in a way that makes it more understandable. I, for example, talked about famous people from history who didn't masturbate as one of the motivations for it. Makes it less about your addiction and more about improving yourself so can be easier to say, but still feels good just to talk to someone about it and it not to be locked up in your mind.

Would I recommend it?

For me, it was a really good idea to tell people. Helped me let go of a lot of the shame I was carrying around, which would also lure me back to fapping regularly. Obviously everyone has a unique life situation, but generally yes, I would recommend it!

Hope that helps!

 

i told this to my close friend i gave him about 15 minutes speech on how porn nd maturbate effect brain he really appreciate nd he said u r right i have brain fog cant focus on study etc he admit it... now he is also doing nofap but still he didnt join the site

 

Yeah I've told people though it is rare. One one occasion a co worker told me that I looked much more alert and present and wondered if I was sleeping more. I told him "no I only sleep 5 hours but I've stopped having sex of any kind for the last 30 days", and he respected it. I think those are the most convincing encounters: where someone notices a change and you can surprise them with the reason.
Certainly it was helped me get it off my chest, very difficult the first times, and it was with professionals, as in therapists.
I've had the luck to have known some recovering alcoholics and drug addicts, though I could relate to their stories.. they could not really relate to mine

 

Whom I told
I told 4 brothers in a "bible talk" in our church. We hold each other accountable and regularly check in on one another.

How I told them
It was in a small group discussion about sins that plagues us on a day-to-day basis.

Would I recommend it?
Definitely. There is gold in being open and vulnerable. The only thing I would suggest is to tell someone whom you can trust and, if possible, someone IRL who can hold you accountable and check up on your progress.

Honesty is best policy. In the book, Radical Honesty, Brad Blanton goes as far as saying you should tell people about all your secrets, thoughts, feelings without hiding anything or having any filters (think George Carlin, the comedian).

 

thnx

 

You're having brainfog?I don't mean to discourage you but that's sort of bad news.Stop the porn and masturbation ASAP before you fall off the edge!The edge is,in my experience when the brain fog is present majority of the time.It's sucks too bad.Stop now.

 

I told my gf and she supports me completely. She says she respects my wish and supports me in doing so since I believe that pmo is wrong. After nearly 60 days (Wednesday it will be) I believe I found the root of all problems and a general different approach towards media that I'm working on. It should entertain us on some occasions but personally I think it traps us and makes us lonely and we are prevented from doing what we are programmed: Live life in all its beauty and enjoy all aspects of it!

 

man i m not having brainfog... my friend have brain fog read my comment Carefully

 

My bad.Well, feel free to pass along the advice if you want.

 

yup

 

First time I told it to my best friend, who is a girl, and she was my accountibility partner. She never had trouble with this, but was very supportive. I also told to the married couple who brought me to Christ, but I just told them that I'm now convinced that it is bad for me and I'm stopping. This was back in the end of 13, begnning of 2014.

This time (my second attempt at NoFao) I only told my girlfriend (I hadn't had a girlfriend at the first time) in the very beginning of our relationship. She was also very understanding, and supported me all the way. Also we are waiting with sex until marriage, and we are not doing anything else, so I don't have a "release" option. So ...what it's called? Hard mode. Yep. I'm doing that.

How I told them? Well I just sat down and said: "Listen, there is something that's been bugging me and I want to talk about it. There is this porn and masturbation and I think that it's bad for me, and I want to quit. I joined this forum, lots of guys doing the same thing, lots of studies and all that. What I want you to do is to ask me regularly how do I feel, how's my challenge going and stuff like thet. 'Kay?" They were surprised at first but all agreed, and that was that.

Would I recommend it? Absolutely, but only to someone who has no issues with it. I mean who is not a PMO addict themself. Also it has to be sometone who you really really trust.
In fact I think having a real life accountibility partner is so important, that it's one of the two most important aspects of quitting in my opinion. I'd also recommend someone from the opposite sex, it adds further weight to your dedication. But I repeat, the other musn't has the same problem as you, because that's a recipe for disaster.

 

You're doing really well dude!

 

Thanks, I'm really pleased with my progress as well.

One more idea came to my mind. When you made some progress, and you're quite safe around triggers (when you don't go fapping whenever something triggers you) I'd suggest reading some books about healthy sexuality. Because porn fucked up your view, and you realize that it's not real, but you still don't know how should sex look like. Especially if you're a virgin. So I'd suggest educating yourself, but only if you can at least read content about sexuality without relapsing,

 

I actually watch movies that resonate with my idea of love or how i view sex and that helps me a lot but maybe that's just me.

 

That could be a good idea, if you're not talking about Game of Thrones.