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Despite self development

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Deleted Account, Sep 20, 2020.

  1. Good evening to you all.

    I'd like to know your thoughts about this topic. I've always been a kind and good person, I have a job and lately I started improving somethings in my life related to self improvement like Nofap, eating healthy, working out. I'm gonna improve also cold showers, waking up and go to sleep early, my look (clothes and in general) and some others.

    Despite all these improvements I did/I'm gonna do I'm still invisible to girls. Not that I did all this for girls, but I thought I'd become less invisible. But nothing. I'm a normal guy, I think I'm a 6 out of 10 talking about look, I'm 5'3'' and I can't grow facial hair so I always go clean shaven.

    What's the problem? Girls prefer better looking and taller guys? Yes I know, but does that mean I'm gonna live alone my whole twenties and the whole my life?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2020
  2. The more time people spend with you the more they see who you are. :)
    People do see how you are doing great but the don't say it. Why? I don't know. Ask my best friends.
    They recently told me that they respect me and see how much hard work I am doing to become better.
    I was surprised because I thought no one is seeing anything. I was glad to hear something like that.
    And yet I was a bit worried that they might see me above them. (Don't want them to be envy or anything)
    But I think it's not the case.

    I don't really have an answer to your problem.
    People do see how you are doing but they only know what they know.
    You can be the greatest person but if nobody knows it you will be an NPC to others.
    Just live your life and don't wait for chances. Because almost everyone does that.
    We don't live forever :)
     
    Don Peter Clemenza likes this.
  3. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Go to gym and lift , do something you really like

    Girls tend to look at guys with muscular body because they dont know you so they just look at you if your body is atractive

    Since i started gym and mma , that happens to me alot but you have to be patient only after 2 years i ve seen results
     
    Don Peter Clemenza likes this.
  4. I second this. We humans really work like that
     
    Queek The HeadTakker likes this.
  5. But sometimes you just need to approach a person. A friend of mine is really jacked. He has a job, a car and looks alright.
    But he still complains about not getting a girl. He only does online dating and instagram. He doesn't approach a person IRL.
    Everything seems easier on the internet.
     
    Don Peter Clemenza likes this.
  6. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Yeah your friend problem is also my problem im too afraid of aproaching a person in real life , thats also why im on nofap
     
  7. You are 1 decision away from changing your life and getting rid of your fear.
    Only 1 decision.
    When you are going to do it is up to you.

    The next chance you get or do you want to feel ready for something you won't feel ready no matter how much time you spend on feeling ready.
     
  8. If you don't accept that failing can be an outcome then you don't deserve to win.
    Even IF you can fail you MUST try it.
     
  9. ShadyPerson

    ShadyPerson Fapstronaut

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    Do you talk to them? Cause they aren't going to come to talk to you. If you do, do you have good social skills? Cause if you don't maybe start developing them.

    I think people who'll tell you that the right person will just show up eventually when you focus on self development are just delusional. Dating is first and foremost a part of your social life. If your social life sucks, dating will propably be a disappointment too.
     
  10. You're right. My social life sucks...
     
  11. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Yeah thats true ....but i still didnt have the corage to that, it appears on my mind immediatly worst case scenarios (even going to jail) i hope this nofap gives me the corage to do it , because its the only thing that misses me , because visually i look good .

    I am very inconsistent into talking, i van have great conversations and other times shit conversations i want to be more consistent
     
  12. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    None of these things actually involves socializing with women directly or taking risks towards what you want. You're invisible because you're avoiding them. You're doing everything that you believe will get you the thing you want without actually putting yourself out there... which doesn't work. You have to take risks. You have to face emotional volatility / rejection / failure / mistakes / tension. You're basically waiting around trying to look shinier in the hopes things will magically happen to you.

    You won't be invisible if you talk to someone.

    You're invisible because of your fear of getting hurt. It's safer and more comfortable when you're not seen or heard by others.
     
  13. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    It's like working out more in the hopes that a scout will invite you into their sports team... without actually playing the sport.

    Like creating the best resume and buying the nicest clothes in the hopes that someone will give you a job.... without actually applying for one.

    It's wishful and unrealistic thinking.
     
    The Symbol of Hope likes this.
  14. The day you will have the courage is the day she won't be there

    Alright, learn a bit of my awareness and that's it. It's not a big think. It only becomes big if you think it is.
    And dont start with that pick up line bullshit xD
     
    Queek The HeadTakker likes this.
  15. ShadyPerson

    ShadyPerson Fapstronaut

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    Good, you've identified the underlying problem. Working on yourself will help you, but you'll get nowhere without putting yourself out there.
     
    The Symbol of Hope likes this.
  16. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro !
     
    The Symbol of Hope likes this.
  17. This is very good.
     
  18. My friend dont feel discouraged. Just keep on becoming better and more importantly, keep on searching. There are almost 4 billion women on this planet, one of them is definitely destined to be your love. So please keep on searching and never give up.
     
  19. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

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    It doesn't matter what you look like. As long as you ''believe'' and tell yourself you're not good enough, your body language and confidence will portray this.

    If you change your mindset, people will notice this. It doesn't matter how big or small you are, just change your mindset. Goodluck buddy
     
  20. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Despite all of the self improvements... a big part of you has reinforced the belief that you aren't good enough already. So you're always chasing a carrot on a stick. Always not good enough. Never arriving. So you keep trying to improve in the hopes that someday something will happen. You keep placing the people you're attracted to above you for you to chase.

    Every little mistake / rejection / outcome that doesn't go your way is going to reinforce that belief of not being good enough. You'll think "see... I knew this would happen...". Then you'll go on another endless journey of trying to improve yourself and further reinforcing that you aren't already good enough at this moment. Until you build up the courage to take another small risk which ends up in a negative outcome.... and so on and so on...

    Take risks. Build emotional resilience and intelligence. Everything else is bonus. Until you come from the mindset that you're already there, enough, and complete... all the self improvement and effort in the world won't help you. You get there by letting go of the story that you're not good enough. All of your effort so far has been to mask your insecurities and to find a guarantee that outcomes will go your way (which doesn't exist). There are no guarantees. Not everyone will be interested in you and not everything will work out in your favor. Taking risks and being able to handle that emotional tension is what increases your chances.
     

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