Everything is everything.

I've achieved 90 days before and many short stretches. Alongside nofap I'm trying to eat better, going for a keto diet, reducing my carbs. I always feel like I'm trying to fill the same hole, whether it's with pmo or a big bowl of pasta or binge watching a series. So today I was binge watching and feeling a huge need for some carbs, and because I was foregoing carbs I felt I should reward myself with pmo. Things were feeling tough but wtf. In the moments before I decided to pmo I was feeling like porn actually held some goodness for me, like there was some nutrition there. So weird.
Ive started cold showers again, that helps me so much. Brings me out of my mind and into my body. Helps to start the day that way. Kind of shocks the horniness out of me. Except at times its not even horniness, its a deep need.
What I'd love is to get to the point again where I can handle the urges. They're outside the gates... And I can defend my castle. Right now they have a tunnel right inside. Just my will power to rely on, and that seems so weak at the moment.