The Lord of the Rings Challenge

it´s the withdrawal sis, that shit can last for many weeks. make sure you rest, sleep well and do stuff that you like. motivation will come back, stronger than ever before

 

very pretty, congratulations bro!!

 

One more day in Isengard brave Companion. 2 more days to execute my plan, i hope i can make it

Let´s welcome the new members of the Fellowship:

@Phil GD
@strongandsolo

The following brothers have upgraded and reach places in Middle Earth. Congratulations!!!

@LuckyMan - Misty Mountains
@Verissimus - Hobbit / Hobbiton
@Fighter_4_life - Buckleberry Ferry / Shire
@dandausa - Dead Marshes / Emyn Muil

Let´s give a strong hug to our dear sister @Fighter_4_life and to our brother @Ciceron who are facing tough times now. You are heros my friends, we´re with you no matter what.

Have a great day brave Fellowship!!!

Here´s JK Emezi with a groundbreaking message


"Quitting is not the goal (I encourage you to keep watching porn)

Hi

Wait, what!?

Did you read that right?

I don't blame you for doing a double take - after all, most of my friends and acquaintances literally refer to me as the "quitting porn guy".

But I do mean it: Quitting is not the goal. And, I encourage you to keep slipping.
No- I'm not backing out of any of my principles or values.

Hear me out.

OK.

You probably already know that my personal path to freedom from porn and masturbation was not traditional.

You probably also know I don’t consider myself a man ‘in recovery’.

What you might not know is that that path, the one to true and forever freedom from porn and masturbation , started when I stopped trying to stop watching porn.

I was at a miserable point in my life.

I had realized a few years before that I was watching porn way more than I wanted to be, and the side effects were starting to pile up: memory loss, inability to concentrate, constant anxiety, regretting my behavior, feeling guilty and shameful around women all the time ( the list goes on)

And so I did what most people do: I thought," Ok, no problem.
Masturbating to pornography this much isn’t working so I’ll cut back."

Should be easy (after all, I knew I figured it was just a "bad habit", I could take breaks without any withdrawal symptoms and I’d even have two streaks that lasted a couple of months) and the only side effect was feeling sorry for myself.

And so it began.
One of the most miserable periods of my life.

I started setting rules, like no porn until the weekend. Or only edging- no orgasms. Rules I either broke or kept (but felt miserable and pissed off about it the whole time).

This period of my life was characterized by:
• Setting rules and breaking them.
• Making myself frustrated, 1am promises loaded with fear and shame and guilt - and letting myself down every single time.
• Losing faith in myself.
• Freaking out - 'maybe I am a porn addict?’, ‘maybe I really do have a problem?’.
• Feeling constantly guilty, shameful, and afraid.
• Watching even more disturbing porn than ever before to numb those feelings.
• Feeling worse than ever before.

Soon, I was at one of the lowest points of my life. Sitting in front of my computer after a few hours of slipping thinking that the world would be better off without me around.

To this day, I am so grateful for the series of events which happened over the next few months.
I got it into my head that if I had sex/"got laid", I would lose the need to view pornography. So I started going out to bars and clubs multiple times a week.
Most of these evenings ended with me tipsy, masturbating in front of may computer after a night of literally standing by the dancefloor overcome with anxiety, and drinking nervously.
I distinctly remember one evening.
I received a text from an acquaintance - a pretty girl in my college who had definitely been on the receiving end of many of my fantasies.
She was asking if I wanted to come over and "hang out".
My body was immediately flooded with a ton of adrenaline. I responded casually:
"Cool. What time?"
"I want you now", she texted back.
My heart pounding, I jumped up, cleaned up, spritzed myself with a generous "blessing" of burberry cologne and headed for the door.
My fantasies were running wild and I already had an erection.
Just before I got there,I check my messages once more:
"Could you call me before you head out?"
Taking a deep breath, I called, my heart pounding as the phone rang on the other end. I mentally reminded myself to "stay cool and casual...but speak with a deep voice".
I cringe to even type that out. But its the truth.
To my shock, I heard males voices laughing on the other end.
It was my friends- playing a prank on me.
They were drinking together with her and decided that I would be the easiest target for their prank.
I remember one of them, in between cackles of laughter saying " hahaha...I can't believe you really thought ...haha...she'd want to hook up with you..."
Embarrassed, I faked a laugh and pretended that I was playing along
As they laughed and explained that they picked me because they noticed I was always staring at her, and she didn't believe it. So they told her they would prove it by texting me from her phone.
As I listened, I became hyper aware of my blushing face, rapidly shrinking penis, and the overpowering scent of my cologne. Voices filled my head as my negative self talk went on overdrive..."Loser", " Fuck up", "Ugly Motherf***r", "Even your friends know you're a loser"
I got angry.
Really angry.
I was so angry that all I could do was sit and tell myself what a loser I was. But as I calmed down, the self chastisement turned to questions.
"WHY ME?"
'What the fuck was wrong with me?"
"Why couldn't I just have a shot at being a normal guy who could be in a relationship, have sex and not be a slave to porn?"

As I went to bed, more questions keep me awake

• Why was it that I used to be able to take it or leave it?
• Why did I feel so on top of things, and under control in other areas of my life but porn and masturbation was a unique exception?
• Why was it that at one point in my life I didn’t used to feel like I needed porn and masturbation in order to relax when stressed or have fun?

In that one, incredible moment, I decided that what I’d been doing for years was not working.

I decided to stop trying to stop watching porn and masturbating.

I put down the weapons I had been using against myself: the weapons of blame and shame.

I made myself two more promises. Promises I knew I could keep.

First, I promised myself that I would learn everything I could about why. I would answer these questions - I would understand why porn had such a hold over me when nothing else ever had.

Second, I promised myself that during this time of exploration, as long as I was diligent in my quest for answers I would not under any circumstances beat myself up for my behavior.

And it began.

Close to a year of research, understanding, exploring. Digging deep into the science, the neurological facts - what porn actually does to our brains. Does it relax us, truly? Does it provide entertainment? Make us happy? Was it harmless?

And from there, that place of self-compassion and curiosity, something miraculous happened.

I changed my programming. Changed my beliefs (both conscious and subconscious) and actually changed my desire for porn.

And once my desire changed my behavior was easy to change.

But still, quitting porn was not the goal.

I knew, by then, that rules had made me miserable. And even, if from this place of not wanting to watch porn, I made a "never-again" rule, my brain would rebel. It would be afraid, and freak out.

So I found a new goal:

My aim was to make porn and even masturbation small and irrelevant in my life - whatever that ended up meaning for me.

Where porn and fantasy no longer had a grip on me. Where I don’t spend my time thinking about it. Where I am truly free.

As free as when I was a child, before I saw that first sexual image in an adult comic book. When I didn’t need porn or masturbation to have fun, or relax.

And I am thrilled to tell you that now, more than 12 years (!) later, that remains true.

I don’t need porn or masturbation.

But not because I have sworn it off forever, but because porn is truly small and irrelevant and because my desire to view pornography is gone.

And it all started when I put down the weapons of blame and shame. When I stopped trying to stop watching porn.

Now, I have made my exact path available to anyone who truly wants to change their relationship with pornography and masturbation.

It is a path of putting down the weapons of blame and shame. Of not beating yourself up about slips while learning the vital truths that will set you free.

It is a path of deep diving into yourself, interacting with other men who are serious about changing their relationship with porn and masturbation as well. An incredible, life-giving community where you will find true connection.

I invite you to join me.

As member of The Reboot Implementation Program by Porn Reboot.

You can schedule a call too learn more about it here.

Your brother in this struggle,
J.K Emezi"