Journal

Keeping a journal of my daily. I didn't cum in 8 days now. But I edge daily three or four times. I have OCD always want to edge and check myself. It's working but it needs rest. Having so much stress and anxiety. At a very low mood. Low energy etc. I will update here what happens everyday.

 

Also anyone feel free to post here or offer advice and help.

 

So today is day 9 semen retention. Day 1 no porn and no edge. I didn't edge or watch porn yetsrday for the first time in few weeks. It was hard to do it. But I need to do it. I need to rest and recover. I suffer from obsession and I have mental problems. I edge primarily to test my penis. It's working at average level. But it needs rest and recovery. But I have two choices.. Stop and rest and recover.. Or keep the cycle that will only feed itself and end up relapsing and going back to day zero. These are the only two choices. If I'm not doing one I'm automatically doing the other one. I must stop. If I continue there is no room for recovery because I'm doing it everyday all day. And if I ended up Cumming that will take it to a whole new level.
Also I don't have anything going on in my life at this point. Nothing. I wake up at night and sleep all day. I do that intentionally to be alone and by myself away from people and their noise. To be by myself at rest so I can introspect and deal with my situation.

 

I relapsed twice. Two days ago. Now I'm on day 2. I feel depressed. Anxiety. Tired. I must stop. I need help. I must stop edging completely. I have OCD. I can't stop worrying. My mind is broken. I sleep all the time to escape. My body is becoming weak and skinny. No energy. My mind is foggy can't think of anything. My peins needs rest. I must stop for a long time. There is no other option. If I keep edging every day I won't give it chance for recovery. And will end up Cumming again. I can't relapse again. One more relapse and I might lose my mind and become unfunctional or require mental help. There is only two options. Let it rest and recover and stop. Or keep doing it and keep getting down.

 

Day 3 done. Didn't edge or looked anything. Still at mental suffering. Feeling confused and obsessed. Not really doing anything all day except eating and sleeping. But I didn't edge today and that's a step in the right direction. I had a wet dream last night and that's a good sign. I just need to rest and recover. I hope tomorrow will keep going strong.