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How do I stop lying and manipulating myself?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by rushing sugar, Sep 25, 2020.

  1. rushing sugar

    rushing sugar New Fapstronaut

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    Ever since last year, I've started doing this to myself and it all began after relapsing a 30 day streak. I tried to get back to it, but after a certain point, I just gave up. I kept relapsing after a week, then a few days, then I was back to PMO everyday. I also kept getting rejected by girls, school was stressing me, and living alone for the first time (having to make my own food, and own chores) made me completely check out, so I coped with PMO.

    At first I knew it was bad, because I still remembered the benefits of my 30 day streak, but after two months or so, and when Covid hit, I completely gave up and stopped thinking it's bad. Whenever I get urges, I hear myself saying that it is a good thing, PMO is beneficial, it is the way forward in life, and I end up believing myself. The weird thing is, I'm starting to believe it, I don't feel as bad afterwards and I have no shame because I believe what my mind is telling me.

    But sometimes I'm clear, I know I don't want it and I push forward. Then I get hit with the "hey it's good for you" and if it's good for me, and if I believe it improves me, why not just do it? But I don't want to do it and it isn't good for me or improving me, but I've completely lied to myself to believe that it is good for me.

    How do I stop believing my own lies and manipulations when they sound so damn believable?
     
  2. Telling yourself that it's fine is clearly a cope. If you really believed that, you wouldn't be here.

    What has PMO done to make your life any better in the long run? Maybe it would help to list out the ways it has harmed you, and the ways you think it has benefitted you.

    This is a huge issue because you will never commit to a plan that you don't believe is the right plan. So we have to get through this first step and re-energize your commitment to NoFap. Then we can talk about strategies.
     
  3. LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

    Well, you are aware of your mind-tricks now. So the only thing you need to do is getting the mindset you're in right now to all of your life. So, be aware of your thoughts, don't identify with them, just see them as they come up within your mind. Practice this daily by focussing on your breath for five minutes in the morning and evening and do this regularly through the day. This focus helps you when your mind comes to fool you. You breath in and out a couple of times and maybe you can help yourself back in the right mindset.
    It's a matter of practice, practice and practice. When you get the hang of it, you'll make mistakes less and less. This is what will give you freedom. You are not your mind, you have a mind.
     
  4. rushing sugar

    rushing sugar New Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I agree with that, I am definitely coping by using PMO.
    I wanted to do PMO because I saw it as a way to better myself, to spend my energy focusing on my daily life, going to the gym, running, and avoiding being stuck in my room.

    I think I've just lost all hope, it feels like no matter what I do at the gym, or how much I run, how fit I can get, I feel like it won't matter. Even though I have never reached the goal I've always dreamed of, I just feel like it is meaningless to chase something that won't change my life. I'll just have a good body, and still live the same life as someone with an above average body, so why try? It's not like I will be some fitness model, or an actor or someone famous. I'll still be an average person.

    I can reach the goal... And then what? What is there? That's it, the goal is done, I've got what I wanted, and then I'll get old and I have to maintain my body and what's the point anymore?
     
  5. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    I think it's good to see through the self obsession that self improvement tends to slide into. One thing that you might be struggling with if the mind had turned to despair instead of objectivity (which it often does for be and what all we need is love spoke beautifully to a solution for) is the idea of motivation. We as humans often believe that to do things requires that we act out of a negative state like pride or anger, for me a common one was "if I don't fear being fired how will I ever motivate myself to get any work done.". Just because I was used to using with to motivate myself doesn't mean it is a good way of life or the only way to do things. I could simply do them because I choose to without needing a rationale, or I could do things out of wanting to help other people.
    See how this related to what you were struggling with just there mcman? Exercise in itself is not satisfying because you're right it is fleeing and doesn't stand on it's own it needs reasons to prop itself up. I have not used pm+ for several years and many of those years I did no exercise, I do a little each day now so that I can play with my children, it got to the point that I couldn't play tag or carry them for but a minute so a little exercise each day can be motivated by service to others. Just like you and anyone else whether they are overweight or body builder my body will deteriorate over the years, that's an opportunity to practice acceptance rather than despair. And gratitude when the body is working in a way that I like. And gratitude that I don't have to exercise to not have to use pm+ like a drug :)
    I have really benefitted from one of the lines in the movie fight club: "self improvement is masturbation. Self destruction on the other hand..." I have practiced with that for several years, it is difficult but there has been some progress and it is actually happier than what she have called "self cherishing" but I think self obsession is a better phrase. That isn't fun I'm glad there has been some relief.
    It's cool that you get to choose, your goals are just yours you don't have to have a reason for them. But it can be even more fun with a loving reason behind the same positive action. Like peeing on nofap, I try to pay very close attention in my self and others why and how were talking. Is it too help or some other reason?
     
  6. alphakadabro

    alphakadabro Fapstronaut

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    Read about the brain damage that PMO causes. You would never allow the grey and white matter of your brain to be destroyed, if you knew it was happening. Do you want your brain to look the same as a meth addict's?

    You can start with the articles on this website:
    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/too...e/desensitization-a-numbed-pleasure-response/
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2020
  7. LoveIsAllWeNeed

    LoveIsAllWeNeed Fapstronaut

    Well that's a lot better than being addicted to PMO which takes you down and makes you feel less than average. Stopping your addiction isn't a goal in itself, it's part of becoming the person you truly are, who wants to realize dreams in stead of being stuck in some senseless activity which repeats itself day by day without bringing you anything positive.
    Your way of thinking is coming from your addicted mind. When you're clean, truly clean, you will wonder how on earth you could have thought this way. So, don't trust your mind, it's full of tricks. Trust your heart instead, it's telling you to realize your potential, being connected with yourself, your body, nature, people. This is LIVING, not mere survival.
     
    alphakadabro likes this.

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