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It seems like a lot of successful guys at nofap and pornfree still have rubbish sex lives?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, Sep 24, 2020.

  1. MPJ

    MPJ Fapstronaut

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    To be honest with you, I'm highly motivated about the idea of getting women and sleeping with women, since I never had much success in my 27 years of age with them. Currently, I don't see what is dangerous about objectifying women, beside coming of as a pervert.

    This is one idea that I have a hard time accepting right now, maybe because I'm not far enough in my streak, but what is wrong with wanting to have sex with women and possibly in a selfish way? I know women act that way themselves, even beautiful and successful one, and all the guys which had success with women that I knew had a highly sexual nature and weren't the most classy in the way the spoke about their "conquest".

    I guess if you are looking to build a relationship around marriage not build on sex, it's not the best mindset to have.. Like I said, I'm probably not in a high enough streak or haven't done enough self-actualization (to be honest, my current life is total crap) to realize what the anti-objectification guys are on about here.
     
  2. Schnabel

    Schnabel Fapstronaut

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    I'll jump in and say that at a certain age going more than 1 year without sex shouldn't be considered good at all. Maybe take 30years as a rule of thumb. Before that it's meeehh but still fine, I guess. Not fucking around in the early twenties or younger should not be considered problematic at all. If you have porn issues at that age it's probably best to take the time and sort things out first (personally, I wish I would have done it that way). I lived through this addiction while being in relationships for decades and it sucked. If you're still young, get your shit together first - no doubt! But going sex free beyond 30/40+ for some occult reason isn't the solution either.
     
    Bethelightinmyheart likes this.
  3. Aléxandros

    Aléxandros Fapstronaut

    NoFap just gave me confidence. It constricted me to go out of my comfort zone. Embrace my fears.
    It made me become a confident man. And I think that confident men, focused men, are the most powerful and the most successful out there.
     
  4. Industriilor

    Industriilor Fapstronaut

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    Not to be 'that guy' but reading some of the threads on here I think some people

    1. Have never had a sexual experience (irrespective of age) OR if they have, it was negative.
    2. Are extremely socially introverted (in terms of dating and in person friendship)
    3. Do not put themselves in situations where developing a sex life would occur.

    That isn't knocking their progress at NOFAP. But a lack of social skills and charm with women/men which initially has lead someone to fapping obsessively won't get fixed by rebooting for an extensive period of time. I personally see them as two seperate although interacting problems.

    just my two cents.
     
    Bethelightinmyheart likes this.
  5. MPJ

    MPJ Fapstronaut

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    Isn't the point of nofap in part to change that thought? To develop a desire to socialize, a personality, to be more confident in yourself and have a healthy sexual life.

    I think that's the point OP is trying to make. If guys on long NoFap streak don't see improvement in those department (which isn't entirely true, there is a lot of success stories concerning man getting with women on NoFap) then what those nofap brings to the table ultimately?
     
  6. Industriilor

    Industriilor Fapstronaut

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    I think we all have differing goals but having a healthy sexual life is the overarching goal.

    NOFAP can indeed usher in someones will to be more social and outgoing which can lead them towards fostering a better sex life, but like I said, the site is home to many introverted personalities for whom dating/girls can be a tricky task. As if the case for many introverted peoples without PMO addiction. I do not deny the benifits of NOFAP, I simply mean that a general building of confidence + development of social skills is needed to get that healthy sex life / dating life NOFAP contributes to.
     
  7. Bethelightinmyheart

    Bethelightinmyheart Fapstronaut

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    I agree with both of these (seemingly) contradictory posts. Women should be a compliment to your life, not the be-all-end-all? A lot of guys with girlfriends/f-boys,/chads etc are deeply wounded individuals that only seek external approval through instant gratification being delivered by sex with new or different partners, they have one goal in life and that is getting laid with new women all the time. This is one of the extremes, the other is the introvert, shy, socialy awkward person "Industriilor" describes: this person is obviously not forfilled in reaching any potential as a human being either. So somewhere along the line a man has to decide if he want's to climb higher and strive for long term success in all aspects in life, or just keep being delusional to some degree.

    I think a lot of people here stress the day-counters and racking up days to much. Homeostaticely, we humans are, so after a while it might become repetetive and static what you do in you "nofap journey" thus many people see no loss in taking a relapse once in a while: the experience little progress worth of note.

    To me personally, becoming more clear on who I am, what I am about, what values I wanna uphold and cheerish, and what I not want in my life is crucial, and abstaining from PMO certainly helps me along this path alot. Just, counting days and achieving a high number of days might be self-fulfilling too, for sure, so if you do not keep challenging yourself and not uphold a modicum of self-discipline, general self-control and a positive attitude towards thyself and others, relapsing is enavitable, therefore I suggest building a strong network of AP that can handle you in all your mood swings and hard passages along the way.
     
    Sacred Fire and Industriilor like this.
  8. Sacred Fire

    Sacred Fire Fapstronaut

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    I like this. Getting woman is directly related to a man's power though. Nofap=power. I just remember i started physical training to get women as a young man for a primary motivator... So I don't think it is unnatural for kids to use NoFap to better allow them to "genespreadin" :))).

    I agree though seminal continances highest art is above sexuality.
     
  9. Sacred Fire

    Sacred Fire Fapstronaut

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    @Bethelightinmyheart Hi. That thing about Chad's and Stacey's you said is MMM... finger licken good psychology; and also heart based knowledge. Indeed that explains why some people go all out physically to seduce the other sex; which in high likelyhood; the Stacey's are in the reverse but same feminine form of that illness; thus they are mutually attracted. Our society teach us to envy sickness.?? Lol I spit on this.

    Cheers light
     
    Bethelightinmyheart likes this.
  10. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    What about the emotional quality of intercourse... Doing this with the woman of your dreams whom you have just married and are going to have kids with is quite different from doing this with that chick you have just hooked up with last Friday night.

    There's so much more to sexual intimacy than just the physical aspect of it. Focusing merely on the latter is fruit of a warped mind. Engaging with a woman for life and drawing full and complete emotional and physical pleasure from the relationship is a reward for the responsible, life-long decision you have made. But to make responsible decisions you need to stop being a kiddo seeking instant gratification in everything (aka PMOing and tinder'ing).
     
    Mr. Kruger and Sacred Fire like this.
  11. Love2LongBoard

    Love2LongBoard Fapstronaut

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    Or maybe it's that the guys who have success with NoFap have learned to NOT objectify women, not use them as objects of sexual pleasure, not cheat on their partners, and not have an intimate relationship and talk about it with strangers. The success of a physical relationship has nothing to do with frequency of sex or the number of partners.

    In fact, I would argue, that often times the there is an opposite correlation. Those who take time to understand why PMO is so destructive learn that sexual intimacy should be reserved for relationships that first have emotional intimacy.

    If it is your goal to overcome PMO just to use women in real life (that is the mindset it takes to go out and have a one night stand), than it is my opinion that you will always struggle. PMO has a lot more to do with how we THINK about women (or men) than we like to admit sometimes. Having a mindset of objectification (seeking women just for sex) while trying to overcome PMO (an act that objectifies women and men) is counterproductive.

    Curing PIED, for those that are on here to do that, just to use your sex drive to gain "power" over women will cause as much pain and anguish in your life as PMO.

    The idea that "getting women is directly related to a man's power" is destructive. First, "getting women" is an objectifying phrase. We don't get women, we meet them. And having a relationship, a real relationship, with a women is about mutual respect, not power over.
     
    Anakin66, Mr. Kruger and ZenPhysics like this.
  12. Sacred Fire

    Sacred Fire Fapstronaut

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    @Love2LongBoard Hi. I like what ya said about male female relations. Sex,intimacy, emotions and so on.

    Thing is women want love, men want power. Women want power, but they want it in a man. Male female relations are based on exchange of male power for female love; which is consecrated by sex.
    Getting a women I disagree here vs meet. It feels correct wording. Women want dominant men. Power is an aphrodesiac to them.

    This is how women are honestly.
    I can back this up with experience, reading and I will provide a link to Henry Makows YouTube if u care to watch it my friend.

    Henry is a solid and experienced man. His word is gold.

    Cheers.
     
  13. It is very true what you said. But there is a big difference between watching porn once in a while and being completely addicted, watching it everyday and feeding your hardcore fetishes.
     
  14. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Nofap helps , but just nofap isnt enough , you also have to improve yourself ! And some guys have shit mentallity
     
    Anakin66 likes this.
  15. CapitanBeto

    CapitanBeto Fapstronaut

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    Brother, I can't agree with you more. My main goal and reason why I started NoFap is to have more Sex !!! But of course my friend, and whoever says it is irrelevant, I don't believe him. Let's see, sex is a basic need that our brain needs, as well as eating or sleeping, for something one becomes addicted to PMO, for something so much dopamine is released when ejaculating, sex is vital and healthy! And once a person manages to have mastery of this area of his life and you have the social skills and self-confidence to sleep with any woman, that is when he will be able to undertake the projects he wants. So yes, I believe that sex enhancement is the next step on this journey. Is it the last step? NOT. Is it the most important? NEITHER. It is as follows.
     
  16. scarecrow1

    scarecrow1 Fapstronaut

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    The OP has eloquently stated an observation that I too share. Success at NoFap without success with women is pretty much a disappointment.

    I think a long streak is the starting point. Without it you know that you are spineless , undisciplined wanker. Sorry for the candour. Knowing that affects your confidence.

    for guys without success with women it seems there are two rather dog feces options

    1. be a disgusting porn loving wanker
    2. Be a replica of some 18 th century monk without the belief in god

    what dogshit
     
  17. Life isn't just about sex, you know. Maybe these people have other things to worry about than sex? Goals? Just my two cents.
     
    Anakin66 likes this.
  18. Anakin66

    Anakin66 Fapstronaut

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    How about this point of view?

    Why is that these friends of yours (OP) have a "successful" sex life with women, but they still use porn and PMO?

    Chances are they are not being truthful about their sex life. Maybe the quality is different for their partners. Perhaps they eventually find themselves in a position where porn destroys their sex life and they turn to nofap.

    As many have pointed out, nofap is a journey aimed at self improvement. Ideally, it teaches self control and awareness. Spin off effects are that you become more productive, more energetic, and have a positive outlook on life. You'll realise that sex is just one component.

    To be successful with women you still need other attributes. You still need to improve other social skills. And lastly, when you find that special woman, you'll have the best sex of your life if it's intimate.
     
    AtomicTango likes this.
  19. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    This is a complete false dichotomy. There are dozens of goals someone can have that dont involve having sex/relationships as the primary motivator. In my personal experience I have been on several long streaks and found that simply having the time I spent PMO'ing given back to me to use for other things worth the price of admission alone, beyond the other benefits. I dont focus on having relationships and I dont focus on having sex, and I feel pretty fulfilled with NoFap.
     
    Anakin66 likes this.

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