A short version of a long story I have wanted to tell for a long time.

I ended 2017 with amazing grades at my studies, I was best in my class. I worked from I woke up 06:00 in the morning, till 22:00. I was focused on my progression in the gym and diet. I reached goals I never would imagine myself to achive. Then 2018 came. I started to feel demotivated, lost appetite, got a injury, got sick (for two months), got hearthbroken by the first girl I ever loved, got an F on a test on school, my appratment was dirty as fuck, I had no energy, moved away and struggled to get to know new people. For periode during this time I started to use nootropics to feel happy. I got addicted, and noone knew.

One day I had to work, but I did not wake up. A family member came into my room, looking for me. The family member asked why I had not woken up (12:00) in the morning. I was so hurt, so far down. I was broken. They asked me what was going on. I broke down in tears, and told them everything. I could not hold it in anymore. I did not want to bother anyone, so I kept it all to myself for so long.

At that time, I felt like I would never love again. I did not deserve love, from family or friends. On the worst day of them all, I cried for many ours wondering if it was all worth it. I did not want to live, but I did not want to die.

Today, a lot has changed. I have forced myself out of my comfort-zone so many times during the new studies I am taking. People have told me that I'v changed, for the better. They can see I am more confident, they can see I am more happy, they can see I have more controll. I clean my appratment one-two times per week now. Last summer I went on my first date in 3 years. It went great, even tho we did not end up in a relationship. 4 girls wanted to take me home for one nigth stand. It have never happend before. I have never been a fan of one nigth stands, and I have never experienced someone asking me for it too, and studdenly 4 girls asks for it in a periode of 2 months.

I have become a more open person. I can talk a lot more about feelings, without really caring if someone thinks it is stupid. And people can see that is because I have more confidence, but thats not the best part. The best part about opening about my own feelings. Is that it is easier for a stronger friendship. People will feel more comfort around you, and it will be easier for them to open up to you, if you show them it is okey to talk about feelings.

I know my goals now. I know what I am missing from reaching my goals now. I need a little bit more focus and energy. Because of that I will get back on track on nofap. I don't want to focus on girls and dating now. I want to "fix" the last parts of myself.

I am happy today, but I know I want to become healthier with diet, the gym and get more focused at my studies. Because of that I will need more energy and more focused. Not before I have reached or gotten a strong routine for these things, I won't date until that is done.

But in the end. The reason why I tell about this story, is that I want people to know that it will get better if you are hurting today. I would never belive someone if they told me that I would be happy again 3 years ago. It was so dark for me, I would never imagine myself smiling again. But even tho it was difficult to belive, I told myself that I would never give up. It could not get worse. I also wanted to become a better person, not just for myself, but I wanted to give my family and friends a person they deserve. I wanted to give them a better version.

 

Thanks for the reply! And I hope it can inspire many people if thats possible!

 

Thanks for the reply! Really hope it can give other people hope and let other belive everything is possible even how far into the pit they are. I would never imagine back then that I would ever smile again. A lot has changed